a girlfriend in need of some much needed help on how to cope with a partner with severe depression x

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/20/2011 5:31 PM (GMT -6)   
hi i feel alittle like im being a traitor and im not copeing the way i should when you love someone, but im struggling and that is an understatement, my partner of 2 and a half years suffers with severe depression,anxiety and has been recently this year diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. we lost our baby in 2009 and as a youngster my partner had a very hard childhood which at this point i feel like i cnt go into,
we have days were things are brilliant but then the days when thngs are bad they are really bad, he has tried to  4 times in the past 10 months. and attacks things that we own all the time ie doors mirrors the car which costs us 1000 pound to fix, and i juist dont now what to do for the best, part of me feels like it is my fault and im not helping him at all, but i feel that if i leave he will do something to himself, dont get me wrong this isnt the reason why i stay but a person can only be pushed away so much without getting to the point were you dont feel loved by someone, i work so hard at our relationship everyday but i just dont feel loved by him like i should, im struggling and so close to actually walking away i dont want to but i cnt live like this anymore :-( please help i just need to talk to someone who wont just me and throw it back in my face well i told you so x

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 6/20/2011 5:32:36 PM (GMT-6)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 6/20/2011 6:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

It sounds like your partner has some pent up anger and is taking it out physically. I am sorry, that must be hard to watch. And I hope he never takes it out on you. I can see where you are in a dilema. Whether or not to stay. When he is acting this way, I am sure that it makes you feel unloved. That is terrible. I am sorry that you have to go through it. But if you can't take it, even if it is just for awhile, you may have to leave. I would suggest you get counseling for yourself to help you cope with this situation. You would get some direction at this point. Does he go to counseling?

I am going to have to edit your post as we aren't allowed to discuss suicide on this forum. It can become a very negative aspect for some of the members. But know we all understand and feel for you. And that alone is very scarey. You never do know what he is thinking at any particular moment. But try to have faith that he is going to be okay. Is he on medications? He really needs them if he is not.

Know that we are all here with you through all of this. We do care. Keep posting and let me know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 463
   Posted 6/20/2011 8:35 PM (GMT -6)   

I am truly sorry you are having a difficult time in your relationship. I have a couple questions for you...Has your boyfriend suffered from BPD for a very long time and or prior to your relationship? Does he take medications and see a Therapist or Psychiatrist on a regular basis? Does he realize that he is acting out or is he in denial of his actions?

I would think that if he isn't aware of what he is doing then that is obviously going to be a problem. If he is aware but just cannot control himself hopefully then it would be easier to work thru. But he has to be willing and want to be helped.

I was recently diagnosed with Borderline and Bipolar 2. I was so glad to finally be able to put a name to all my emotions and feelings. I to have been lately really struggling with my emotions as it has been like a roller-coaster. I am aware that I am getting angry but cannot control it. So, I apologize when I'm acting out towards my family so they can not take it as a personal attack but that its me trying to work thru. Believe me, I know it cannot be easy having to be treated poorly...you don't deserve that and no one does.

If you would like to ever chat my email is listed under the members and I would love to listen. Since "getting by" removed whatever you had said on this site...I don't mind you emailing me about what you said. I understand the just of the subject and maybe can give you some advice or just listen.

Please hang in there.
Your Healingwell Friend,

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/3/2011 6:34 PM (GMT -6)   

feeling unloved is the worst thing, just be reasured that he does love you, its just the illness getting in the way. x
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