confused and out of order

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MollyO88
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted Today 7:48 AM (GMT -6)   
This is my first time posting. I am 21 years old, a stay at home mom and have dealt with mental problems my whole life as in being obsessive complusive and suffering from moderate depression. My family life growing up was never that great. As a 12 year old I would be so nervous and feel so much as if I didnt belong that I would wash my hands so much that the skin eventually was raw. Washing my hands back then was my nervous habit. Well I kicked the OCD for a while in my teen years when I moved in with my grandmother and was happy as a lark other than occasionally missing my mother and wondering why she didnt really want me.                    
      Well anyway I grew up happy with a ton of friends(in my highschool years). Life was great! Then I stumbled into a pill addiction, that was a mess got over that. I was ready to go to college then I met Mark. He had just finished technical school and was the nicest guy I have ever had the pleasure of dating. We were together for about 6 months andf it was great then I found out we were pregnant he did the best thing he could and supported me (which was amazing because I had never actually had total support before.) We started renting a home and my pregnancy was great. He was great! His family is amazing which made it that much easier. Well then it was time and she came. Mark was so loving all through the labor and didnt leave my side. Well we brought her home for the very first time and I started feeling the most awful feeling that I had ever felt in my life. I had developed what they called baby blues. I was terrified that someone was going to accidentally hurt my baby well this went on for a week or so and I cried constantly. I couldnt produce milk anymore because I couldnt eat AT ALL. This led to me really enjoying when It was time for me to take my pain meds which seemed to be the only thing that made me feel happy for months. This led to my 2nd drug abuse problem and I wasnet even aware that I was abusing them for a while. Well. Long story short I struggled with that terribly. Mark stood by me. We had the doctors wean me off of the medicine but It was still horrible.
 
              I am now 2 years after that depressed and noticing my ocd coming back.I really dont know what to do. My husband works 7 days a week. I stay at home everyday with my beautiful amazing daughter. but somehow I feel traped. I never got to start college(this fall will be my first semester). I never get to spend quality time with my husband. I feel completely undeserving of his love. so I shun him. I get mad at him for no reason I feel that he thinks im inferior becase Im a stay at home mom. these feelings have somehow led to other problems that I have never had before like - I no longer eat meat because I feel guilty about it when I do.  I also have severe anxiety of storms. Last year I loved storms. I know this all sounds crazy but I just need to tell someone because I seriously have NOONE i can talk to . When I try to talk to my husband about anything i feel guilty because I feel like im stressing him out. when I try to talk to my mom she makes fun of me.
 
The reason I posted is because I really need to know how to cope and what I can do to be happy again. If you read this. I want to think you so much for your time as I have no one to tell it to.

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted Today 8:48 AM (GMT -6)   
I would suggests that perhaps you consider getting professional help (such as
a psychologists) to help get better control of the depression your in. Depression
sure can rob of us all our hopes, but you've got a lot of good things, a wonderful
husband and baby girl and counseling will help you to realize that..you are a good
person always remember that..the college you'll be going to might offer up
counseling look into that, and wow, way to go, for going back to school...
Others will come by with better advise so pay attention to that...
well wishes and keep us posted on how your doing...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

MollyO88
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted Today 9:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for reading. I know I have so many good things happening in my life but I still feel undeserving for some reason. My mother is very jealous of what all we have and that makes it hard on me. Shes not proud but spiteful. I need to seek counseling as you suggested because I dont want to bother my loved ones with these issues. I feel weak minded. :/ I do have one temporary fix and that is being outside in nature with my duaghter. Nothing makes me feel more human. I would live outside if I could ha.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted Today 11:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Molly,

Chartreux gave you some very good advice, I would like to suggest the same. The baby blues can get bad if not treated. There are videos at the top of the page, there was one about post partum depression. If it comes back up, I think you might benefit from watching it.

I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time, but I am very happy that you like being outside with nature. I like walking, so I go as often as I can. Being outside and in nature does me good. I really love it.

I hope that things get better for you soon. You have had a lot on your plate. Give yourself a pat on the back for this. You have survived and will continue to.

Take care,
HUGS Karen...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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