I am new to this web site and have read through a few threads and find you all to be understanding and helpful. I don't know what to do, if anything, in the following situation.
My boyfriend (maybe ex) of nearly 4 years and I had a blow up about 10 days ago. We do not live together but I had been staying at his place 3 - 5 nights/week. I had asked him a couple of times over the past few weeks if he thought he was depressed. He always answered, "I don't know." My therapist and others said that means "yes." Anyway, I had done a fair amount of research regarding how to bring the topic up and to encourage him to get some help to feel better. I even called his doctor who told me that i would probably need an intervention counselor due to the drinking and sleeping pill usage. My boyfriend is having trouble with his business and adult children. When I would ask him if he enjoys anything at all, he would only say that he enjoys me. However, since April he has pushed me away and away, neglecting and ignoring me consistently. Everything I read said that the depressed person pushes away the ones they love and to hang in there .....
Well, here is the scene. We normally spend the entire weekend together at his house. On Sunday, ten days ago, I approached him about how he was pushing me away and what I felt like. He basically indicated that he didn't want to talk and he wanted me to leave his house. Due to what I read about not abandoning the depressed person, I stayed at his home in a different room and watched a movie. He asked me a couple of times when I was going to leave and I said after the movie.
Before I left I told him, "disrespect, disdain and neglect have no place in a loving adult committed relationship. There are rough patches for sure, but those are met with understanding, grace and mercy. I will come back on Tuesday at 8 PM to talk about this."
He roared some terrible accusations at me, blaming me for many things and said that I was not welcome to come back on Tuesday and that I would come back if he invited me.
I asked, "I am not welcome here? Okay, then, I will just get my things now." So I calmly walked through the house and got my toiletries and a few items that I have at his place and left.
I know that the most important thing now is to take care of myself and I have felt strong. I have said to myself that I can't stand by and watch someone deteriorate without taking care of themself. However, I have a niggling doubt that I should contact him and open the door to communication.
What would I need to do for myself before doing that?