She took his heart away

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purplecatwoman
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/24/2011 11:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Me and my boyfriend are now together for 2 months. we meet through a friend. In February this year, I broke up with my 3 year boyfriend, and he lost his girlfriend in car accident in August last year (she actually died in his arms).

I don't know him but of course I heard the news about it.

In first week of April, we meet/introduce. Then we never stop seeing each other then, there was a "click" or "chemistry" right away. 2 weeks after we are seeing (which was Saturday), something happened. I thought it was just a one night stand. but Monday he invited me for dinner and introduce me to his family. so by then we are officially boyfriend - girlfriend relationship.

i have fallen in love for him but he cant fall in love with me... because he said " when she died, she took my heart, soul and spirit with her"

Should I continue having this relationship with him???

Please help me

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 6/24/2011 12:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

Welcome to the healingwell depression forum. We are a group of members that give eachother advice on depression. I don't know if you are depressed, but I will try to help you with advice anyway. It sounds like your boyfriend needs time to heal and greive. There is no time limit on this. It could take awhile. If I were you, I would remain in contact with him, but encourage him some grief counseling to get through this. Be there for him. I am sure that he needs somebody at a time like this. He will get over this, but it is going to take time, so you need to be patient. Listen... Be there... But know that it may take some time before he can truly love again.

Best wishes, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 6/24/2011 12:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Sounds like he wants to move on but something is holding him back.  Keep hanging out with him if it makes you happy!  I would not worry about getting too serious too fast, just let it happen.  Maybe with time he will realize that she (late girlfriend) is a part of his life that is gone, beyond his control.  When I met my husband (we have been married a long time), I had just ended a bad relationship and his girlfriend had just died of a blood clot to the brain.  We just had a good time for about 1 1/2 years before we got serious.  No doubt I was in love long before that but it took him a little longer.  Things have a way of working themselves out, if it is right you will both know it.
 
Best of luck!
 
Gem

purplecatwoman
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/24/2011 1:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Karen... i feel like I am depress. I know it will take time but sometimes it just frustrates me that when we are out, he will be quite all of a sudden and won't talk to me.

Thanks Gem ... i guess I have to hold back a little of my feelings for him so I wont get serious, I really get serious with my relationship (you know I only had 2 relationship, 1st was 5 years and the 2nd was 3 years) and he is the 3rd. But you know sometimes, he always say that the only thing he wanted in his life is to have a family and kids with her of course it hurts me but then i know how much he love her and I should not be hurt.

He sometimes told me that he dont know what he wants in his life now that the love of his life is gone. he doesnt know if he wants a future with me...but he says that i am very special to him and he cares a lot about me.

we both agree that we will take things slow. But last night, I just had enough. He knows that the only thing i asked is a constant communication but he never called me during the day and he usually does after the second time he did it. so we kinda break up and end up being together again but until now its 1pm (local time) he hasnt call me yet... it is just really frustrating.

Am I just over reacting Gem about this communication thing, coz I feel like I'm being ignored, like his not giving me enough attention, it's always about him because of what he gone through....

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 6/24/2011 2:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Give him space.  Not always easy I know but if you are too clingy, too needy, too demanding it will turn him off.  If you want to be with him that bad you have to play the game sweetie.  Enjoying the time you are together, when you are not together get out and do your own thing:  go out with friends, sign up for a class in something you enjoy, in other words make it evident that you are not sitting around waiting on him, that you have a life.  If you are self-confident, not always available every time he does call (even though you want to be)  and not hounding him about "why didn't you call me, etc" I can almost guarantee more attention will come your way.  You must think like a man, while behaving like a lady.....see?
 
Give it a try and lets see what shakes out........................
 
Gem

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 6/24/2011 2:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Gem is absolutely right. People tend to want things that are harder to get. If you are too available, he will tend to take you for granted. Not intentionally, it just goes that way. And he does need space with this loss that he has suffered. If you continue to call and text, it will just push him away.

Good luck with this.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

purplecatwoman
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/24/2011 2:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much Karen and Gem....

Definitely will follow your advice. Have a great weekend...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 6/24/2011 3:54 PM (GMT -6)   
You too!!!
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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