Posted 6/26/2011 6:27 PM (GMT -7)
I'm not allergic to meds, but to every blasted thing living on the east coast, plant, animal, mold, fungus, you name it. Was supposed to get 3 shots a week for 6 years, but then foster parents stepped in at 4 years and decided Claritin would work instead (I've been on so many allergy meds it isn't funny, even some that are now banned, and none of them worked... Benadryl only helps a bit), so now they're back with a vengeance. Another part of why I can't sleep is because I can't breathe through my nose at night, I guess. I've been this way with meds since I was a baby, if I didn't say so above, 3 weeks and forget it, it's useless.
I believe the docs and other professionals believe that my temperament comes from my depression. I know I've heard of studies on the news that say most teen boys that have depression may show it in anger instead of the typical symptoms. Right now, and this has been this way for years, I have 3 moods; anger, complacence, and depression, and this last bout of depression has been going on for about a month now. I'll get angry, and it will last for a few days, and then I'll be depressed again. Or, I'll get upset over something, and then I'll get ticked off about it and that will last for days.
Right now, I live at home. I'm needed here because my younger sister and "mother" don't get along at all and they need the help as my dad has lung cancer. Which is why I stay in my room most of the time. If I had the money, I'd leave NY behind and not look back, like my older sister did, who now lives in Arizona (heck, I might even go live with her since she owns a towing company). I work part time, and barely get enough to cover my student loan payment, which means that, if I can't find something in addition to my current job or to replace it, I can't move out. I don't even know what I'm going to do when I can get my car back on the road again as insurance isn't cheap and neither is gas around here. I went to school for a full year (3 months on, 10 days off) to be an auto tech, but nobody around here wants anybody with less than 2 years professional experience and no ASE certifications (can't get the certifications without the experience and nobody wants anybody with less than 2 years... It kills itself). I can't even get a job at a Jiffy Lube (overqualified). I work in a grocery store, because it's all that was available to me, after I went back to work at the restaurant, which I started at before I went to school, that closed. I did live on my own for about 4 months the first time I tried to go to college (didn't work because I couldn't find a job out there in Ohio), and I managed to actually be somewhat normal except for being down all the time (and not due to not living at home... That was a relief).
No, my temperament doesn't get me in trouble. Most of the time. I manage to hold it in check unless someone keeps pushing (almost went off on my manager a couple of weeks ago but managed to leave before I did), but I tend to, as I said above, stay steamed for DAYS. Before I had to deal with the whole PINS thing, I did almost go off once but stopped short before actually causing harm (her majesty decided to get on me about a couple of bad grades on my report card... B's!), and the police were sicced on me. They let me off with a warning because I didn't even actually do anything, and of course the idiot cop got me PO'd again with some stupidly ignorant comments... When I was much younger, her majesty bought me one of those balloon things with the sand pouch in the bottom (punching bag thing) that I wrecked in 2 weeks due to being angered again. That was about the worst of it, other than the occasional broken window (Long time ago).
Trust me, I've tried meditation, self-hypnosis, guided hypnosis from those CD's that can be bought online, and other things. I can't get my brain to shut off enough for any of that to be worth anything. I can't get anywhere near sleep (or what they call hypnotized, except there's another term I can't remember right now) if I hear much in the way of anything, or if the ambient environment is anything other than almost completely black (finally had to get rid of my usual alarm clock 2 years ago because of this), which are a couple of reasons why it's difficult sleeping except when I'm alone. If you know what it is, I was in a class in Ohio that asked us to take one of those temperament sorter tests (Keirsey Temperament Sorter), and scored as an ISFJ, almost off the scale introvert, very sensitive and feeling, and extremely judgemental. I'm quite sensitive to the reactions of others, which is why even the smallest things get me swinging one way or the other.