Partners depression is really starting to get to me

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SilentSinger
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 6/30/2011 6:43 AM (GMT -6)   
HI. I have been with my girlfriend for 18 years, and we have two children of 13 and 11. She has been deeply depressed for about 10 weeks, which may not sound like a long time, but seems like forever. ( Its not the first time either)She was having suicidal thoughts to start with but these seem to have gone away and now her moods are directed towards me. I have been tring to be supportive and take the presure off her. I have tried to get her to seek help but she refuses to see a doctor, I have been giving her space, I sleep in the spare room as she is having dificulty sleeping for more than a couple of hours, she is becoming more and more distant, I don't feel loved just despised. the whole family feels as if they are walking on egg shells and when I asked her Yesterday if we could just try and be friends she said" I don't want to be your friend, I don't even like you" I am at my wits end and do not know what to do. How do I stay strong and not get dragged down by her malaise?

Post Edited (SilentSinger) : 6/30/2011 5:49:53 AM (GMT-6)


Geosojda
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 6/30/2011 7:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HW, sorry you are going through such a rough time, but you are a good person for sticking by your gf through this. unfortunatly one of the hardest things about depression is that in order to get better you have to want to get better, and it sounds like she isn't interested in that right now. Is there anyone else around her that can try to talk to her and get her to seek some help? Have your children tried to talk to her at all about it? As for her attitude towards you, its hard to not be dragged down by her malaise and honestly depression isn't an excuse to hurt the ones around you. All you can do is try your best to be supportive and try to help her though this, hopefully she will see that when things become a little clearer.
When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

with your past and your future precisely divided, Am I at that moment?. . I haven't decided.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 6/30/2011 9:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I would also like to welcome you to HealingWell. It is hard when the other person doesn't want to seek help. Could you have a family meeting to discuss this. I am sure the kids see what is going on and maybe they could talk her into seeking help.

I hope that things get better soon.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jnut
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/1/2011 7:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello and welcome, I am going through the same thing you are maybe a tad bit worse. My suggestion would be get some help for yourself in order to stay strong and positive. Its very hard to stay positive when someone directs all their negative emotions towards you but try to stay positive. Maybe if she sees you seeking help maybe she will realize what she's doing to the family and decide to seek help for herself. I battled this for two plus years with my girlfriend and within the last 2 weeks I have seen change for the better. Thank GOD for Depekote!!!!! Good luck to you and stay positive cause your children need you now more then anything.

SilentSinger
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/3/2011 6:10 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks for your support, your words have helped me to find strength again. I have just had a totally traumatic weekend and been called all the names under the sun, but have been reminded that it is just the illness talking and can deal with it again, its just good to know that we are not the only ones going through this, and that there is a rational explanation for some very irrational goings on.

SilentSinger
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/3/2011 6:48 PM (GMT -6)   
i just want to add this thought, when i told a good friend about what was going on, he just said " and thats why a man needs a shed"

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/3/2011 8:12 PM (GMT -6)   
lol... I guess... My husband and I both have a place to go when we need time to think.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Happy Soul
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/10/2011 5:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I've never been on any forums so this is a sign of some desperation. I have been living with one for 8 years - my husband suffers from clinical depression and has had serious 'down' periods from time to time. I have been supportive as far as possible - I don't know about your experience but in my experience depressives don't and can't function normally in life. I have ended up being the one carrying the financial responsibilities, taking care of the home and 2 girls now age 14 and 8 and practically everything else. I'm lucky I work from home and only go away on business trips from time to time. But I have recently got to the point of thinking 'what's in it for me?' I know this sounds selfish on the surface, but when you know you've done your best to try and help the other person only to see limited effect, after some time it just wears you down. I am a born optimist and don't believe in giving up unless every possible avenues have been tried. this is, however, the first time in my life that I have come so close to giving up. My husband had a serious breakdown and stopped work and everything else for nearly 6 months last year. He was put back on high doses of medication and received counselling (he still has regular sessions now). I feel I've lost a husband - he is not a normal functioning person and I feel the pressure. Ultimately for me, it is NOT an equal partnership and has never been right from the beginning. Sometimes I get into this dilemma of thinking if I am wrong in thinking that I want to protect myself from any more of this and just make a break from this marriage. But sometimes too much is just too much...I have this slight fear that if I don't get out soon, I will end up being depressed myself - probably already am a bit! It's good to read others' stories because it does make you feel you're not out there on your own in this world...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/10/2011 10:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Happy Soul,

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry for what you are going through, but as you can see, you aren't alone with this. Many of us have depressed partners. I would recommend counseling for you to help you cope and make decisions for you. What is the best for you at this time? Keep posting and know that we all care.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Happy Soul
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/10/2011 4:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Karen. I'm not sure about counselling but I do find talking to someone close such as my sister or a best friend helps at times. It doesn't change anything but it does make my thoughts a bit clearer each time. It's not about the passive and destructive complaints but about the real issues that are causing the immediate situations.

Do most depressives carry some form of compulsive behaviour that cannot be or is very difficult to be removed by either medicine or counselling? By compulsive behaviour I mean things such as starting on things and never finish them (compelled to start on new things but fail to complete cycles of actions), compulsive shopping/spending money, being controlling etc. Thanks if anyone can shed some light on this.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/10/2011 6:07 PM (GMT -6)   
The compulsive behavior could be manic depressive, aka bipolar. Especially with the shopping/spending money. It sounds like this person could be bipolar to me. Check out some of the posts on the bipolar forum and see if anything sounds familiar. Or look it up on the net. You might have a wnole nother animal on your hands. It sounds like he has both. Well bipolars do have depression too. They go up and down. Get very manic. Full of energy for days sometimes, and then at the drop of a hat, they can become depressed. I wish you the best, after you look at some info on bipolar, let me know what you think.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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