A couple of things stand out to me fairly clearly. First, your new "friend" is exhibiting a level of attention that's starting to sound like it's verging on "stalkerish". Yes, it's high time you had some new companionship, but I'm guessing that the hotel has a very clear policy about employees fraternizing with the paying guests, which is fairly standard in that industry. Your friend would be in clear violation of that kind of policy, plus it's just really not a good idea. That just screams out to me that this person is not someone you want to encourage any future contact with, regardless of how much you need some real friendship. This chick "ain't the one," and if you think about it, as great a person as you sound like, do you really want to be a "pick-up" by somebody that works in a hotel and has constant access to a continuously changing roster of guests? Do you think you are the first guest she's had her eye on?
As far as your spouse is concerned, I don't know all of your past history. What does scream out to me though, that is if she is never really initiating communication after this much time, and your contact is basically limited to counseling sessions, there isn't a whole lot of motivation on her part to put your relationship back together. Subconsciously, I think you already realize this and you are already getting yourself in shape to put yourself back on the market. Losing weight and getting in better shape will obviously make you feel better both mentally and physically, and that's something that makes you more appealing to the opposite sex. There's an old saying that eventually you reach a point in time where "it's time to fish or cut bait", and I think you've hit that point, my friend. I don't really see that a reconscilliation is in the cards, and you are obviously opening yourself up to the possibility of new relationships(although not with the current wacko...sorry.)
I wish you all the luck in the world, and just so you know, I've actually been on the receiving end of the "hotel romance" thing, so I speak from personal experience. Please keep up updated on how you are doing.