So Upset and lost

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luckyflowers
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 7/2/2011 6:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Things are so bad right now, I just can't believe where my life is at. While some of this might seem strange to you, and you might not understand, this is how I have been feeling.
 
It's like I had these three guys that loved me, for me. Everything I had every wanted. But they all came with "bad" stuff, I mean we all do, none of us are prefect, and we have to compromise. But, there is some stuff that is just wrong, lying, controlling, jealous behavior and not minor stuff either. And then there is me..critical, controlling in my own ways, difficult child, etc...and "J"(my Ex-Husband) well he was just a mess,"E" and "M" (Both somewhat recent Ex-Boyfriends)...If I think about it I seem to find men that "need" me...but I gave my heart to them, I'm totally broken from those relationships, more than anyone will ever know or understand. Did they use me? did they really love and care about me? Why does this happen to me? What do I do to deserve this? Its just heartbreak over and over. Even with the whole expectation things with even just friends...
 
I am just so much better off alone, I have no need to be "a part of" it's all so fake anyhow. No one is truly who or what they say they are and well I just don't care to be a part of it. Its too much disappointment for me. Things really to affect me too much. But I guess that's who I am.
 
This whole thing with my neck, the pain, then meds, my life day in and day out. It is completely unrewarding. I live for my kids. I have no problem admitting that. On that note...I have a very difficult child that makes my life extremely hard. It is like nothing you have ever seen. I don't care what anyone says, unless you are me and deal with her as I do you don't have a true clue. Same as living with chronic pain. If you don't live with that you have no clue what its like to be in some sort of pain 24/7.
 
In fact I have talked to NO one!! I have gone no where. I have a friend that even helps me go to the grocery store sometimes. This is from being a person that went out atleast once to twice a week dancing and having a few beers.
 
I am working with my PM Dr with different meds to find what works best for pain control and depression, which both do go hand in hand unfortunately.
 
I'm not sure when things are going to change or get better for me.I just have nothing right now...I allowed too many people to "take" from me and know I have no energy to even try and "get it" back....It is just so strange, I used to be so outgoing, full of life... It just has not been a good few days, needed to get that off my chest..I'm just beyond depressed...
 

 

Dx: Herniated disk in my neck C6-C7, Degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my neck, sciatica, RLS, migraines and post-op RNY gastric by pass and depression.

Meds: Oxy, Nucynta, percocet, norco, xanax(as needed), sinement, topamax, imitrex, and paxil

Personal: Single mom 43yrs old to three children- two girls 6 and 13 and my son 16yrs old. I work fulltime.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 7/2/2011 9:07 PM (GMT -6)   
oh lucky flowers. my heart breaks for you. sending you many healing compassionate thoughts to you. you deserve better, much better. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

luckyflowers
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 7/2/2011 9:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Jamie...
Dx: Herniated disk in my neck C6-C7, Degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my neck, sciatica, RLS, migraines and post-op RNY gastric by pass and depression.

Meds: Oxy, Nucynta, percocet, norco, xanax(as needed), sinement, topamax, imitrex, and paxil

Personal: Single mom 43yrs old to three children- two girls 6 and 13 and my son 16yrs old. I work fulltime.

QTPIE33
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/2/2011 9:37 PM (GMT -6)   
idea  Well, I'm not sure if you'll feel better but I'm going through the same thingI got a boyfriend that says he loves me and we've been together for 3 1/2 years but he's been cheating on me, he's sayimg that the kids are gettimg on his nerves, and even though the kids aren't his he took that responsibility when he got with me. My son is 6 but is equivalent to 10 kids. I don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any advice for me? Should I leave this guy or what?

luckyflowers
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 7/2/2011 9:47 PM (GMT -6)   
It is very hard, I know that first hand. I have three kids. None of them where my Ex-Husbands or my Ex-boyfriends...and while they all knew it was a package deal and they all signed up without a gun put to there heads it always became an issue after the fact.

It was always something, and that is never easy. I think it either blends well or it just doesn't. And my kids come first. A shrink once said if you ever make a woman choose between the man she loves and her kids, the kids will win every-time
Dx: Herniated disk in my neck C6-C7, Degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my neck, sciatica, RLS, migraines and post-op RNY gastric by pass and depression.

Meds: Oxy, Nucynta, percocet, norco, xanax(as needed), sinement, topamax, imitrex, and paxil

Personal: Single mom 43yrs old to three children- two girls 6 and 13 and my son 16yrs old. I work fulltime.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 7/3/2011 4:03 AM (GMT -6)   
i have heard that as well. jamie. my compassionate healing thoughts to you.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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