new user - financial support to move out.

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DogGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 7/3/2011 7:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi i literally just joined but im feeling so lost and down i needed to talk to someone and im hoping that someone will talk to me now. I'm 18 years old and still living at home with my parents, im very fortunate because they financially support me while i go to college and I have a wonderful boyfriend. Except I hate my parents. We have not been right as a family since I was around 12 and although I can never explain it I have never trusted them, and never felt like they understood me. They send out mixed messages frequently. When I was with my ex boyfriend he was not good enough for me and they did not approve, as I was only 16 they made me and him stop seeing each other on the grounds of their disapproval. Now I have met someone and been with them for a year who they do like. When we first got together my parents were angry because we spent too much time at his house and they felt like they did not see me enough, I did not want to see them, now after several arguments over how much time we spent at his house I try to ensure me and my boyfriend come to my house for half the nights of the week. Now however, we're there too much and it costs my parents too much money to pay out for food for us - do not get the wrong impression I hardly eat and my boyfriend is of medium size so we do not eat excessive food. Whenever I argue with my parents they always attack me and make judgements on me without me really feeling like they know me as we hardly talk. They become annoyed though because in arguments I do not give them any feedback, when I give them feedback they do not feel its suitable and if they do not agree it leads to further arguments. They think that they know me well, last year I failed my alevels on purpose because I did not want to do them, I lost half a stone in 2 weeks because I was unhappy with things at home and I only weigh 6 and a half stone as it is, it was quite noticable, except they didn't notice, I was diagnosed with depression two years ago and have been on medication and in councelling ever since - they still don't know. I'm really unhappy and just want to leave my house, they support me financially but I do not feel supported emotionally, I do not tell them anything. I was just really wondering if anyone knew of any support I could get towards moving away from home into a place of my own where I can concerntrate on overcoming my eating problems and depression and moving towards my future.

DogGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 7/3/2011 7:08 PM (GMT -6)   
please help me I'm so unhappy :'(

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/3/2011 8:21 PM (GMT -6)   
In order to get another place to live, you need a job. So if you want to move out, I suggest you start looking for work, that would be your first step.

I am sorry that you aren't happy. Happiness comes from within. You said that your parents don't understand you or support you. But you also said that you don't tell them anything. I just wanted to point out that if they don't know what is going on or how you feel, they can't support you. So you really can't blame them for not understanding if you don't tell them anything. I am not making excuses for their behavior. I am just trying to figure this out.

Maybe they are financially in a bind and can't afford to feed extra people, I don't know their financial situation, maybe they just want to complain, I don't know. But I try to give people the benefit of a doubt. It sounds like you just plain aren't communicating and it does sound like you could use a place of your own. Maybe if you got a job, and your boyfriend got a place or a job, you could move in togehter as roomates. I don't know, just a thought. But I don't think you are going to get anywhere if you aren't working.

You said you didn't get A's on purpose, that only hurts you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

DogGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 7/3/2011 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
I didn't want to do my alevels but my dad basically said do them or leave and I am in no position to leave. I wanted to do a different college course, alevels triggered my depression, I didnt know anyone and I didnt enjoy the subjects. I began to feel alone and like my life was pointless because it wasn't my own, it was controlled by my parents. I failed them on purpose cause I knew I couldn't do them if I wasn't capable and I would be able to do the course of my choice. I feel like I can't communicate with my parents because whenever i voice an opinion it is wrong. Moneys not tight at home im not sure what the problem is. Everything involves money, the course I do now is worthless because ill never earn enough money, where I work part time is pointless because its poor pay and doesn't cover petrol expenses, but it does give me job experience which is useful later on in new jobs. I feel like whatever i do isnt good enough or worth it. When im at home im a housewife, helping out by doing 3 loads of laundry a day, hoovering, dusting, general housework. On top of 46 pieces of college work ive completed at the highest mark in my year and working  part time and no one even says thank you or well done. I know my parents work hard as well and that they dont get a thank you for every job they complete but i spend my days clearing up after my younger siblings who are more than capable of lending a hand but are nevrr asked to because i do it all. I feel like im responsible for everything and of i feel overwhelmed and my family see, they tell me im weak and i need to get a grip. Its so hard to cope sometimes and i feel like i would be closer to them if i had my own space. 

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 7/3/2011 10:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Dog Girl: I am sorry that your family life is not going well and you are suffering from depression. I think Karen's thoughts and comments were right on. Simply, it doesn't sound like there is a lot of communication between you and your parents. Or maybe you just haven't had the right kind of productive communication. I know this must be really hard. I have a 16 year old daughter and sitting down "to chat" usually doesn't go well as we are looking at issues with different experiences and viewpoints. But I'd like to think that eventually, after much work, that we do find a common ground.

You mentioned you are seeing a therapist for your depression. Have you ever had any kind of family meetings or discussions there? While this may not sound like an appealing thought at first, take a little bit of time and think about it. Or perhaps if you wrote your parents a letter telling them how you feel, that might help too.

I hope you can find a way to work this out. But no matter what, please keep up your grades. Failing something on purpose may get a message across to your parents in the short term. But in the long term it will hurt you more.

Good luck and keep posting if you need to talk.

Cass

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/3/2011 10:10 PM (GMT -6)   
You work part time, Could you get a roommate, get a grant for college so that you don't have to ask your parents to pay any thing. Do you have any friends that you could move in with? I know you want out of there badly. I dont blame you. I sure do hope that it works out.

I have to end here, I will write more another time. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

DogGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 7/4/2011 2:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you everyone

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/4/2011 5:01 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry that I had to cut my last post short, but something came up and I had to get off of the computer.

I just wanted to add that I really hope that things work out for you. Do keep posting, and know that everobody here does care about you. I sure do hope that you feel better soon.

And I hope that things work out for the best. Never give up.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

finallyhappy
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/7/2011 12:07 AM (GMT -6)   
I know exactly how you feel, my situation is so similar to yours! I am very unhappy with my family too, my mom is very manipulative and treats me horribly. Anytime I try to talk about things she twists it all around so it seems like my fault. I have distanced myself from my family a lot, but can't afford to move out. It is very hard, i go to my boyfriends apartment as much as I can which of course causes problems too. But when I am over there I am soo much happier. I'll be moving in with him in a few months, I know things will get better then. I'm not sure if you could live with your boyfriend or not, but like someone else said maybe you could get a room mate. Also look online for any scholarships, some scholarships you can use for rent or other things. I would apply for any that you can, then maybe you can save up some money to get an apartment. I hope it works out, I'll check back to see if you write back. Maybe we can help each other :)

DogGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 7/15/2011 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you everyone for writing it has really helped to know that I am not alone through this. Things at home are hard because nothing I do ever seems to be right. My parents have been pressuring me to get a job even though I already go to college and volunteer as part of my college course. So now I have a part time job (which I can't rely on to support me financialy, I work one 8 hour shift a week at minimum wage) but now I have a job like they wanted, it's not good enough, because I don't make enough money and it costs money to get there and they'd prefer I got a job in a corner shop in the village than do something more orientated towards my future career. I want to move in with my boyfriend, he has a full-time job but he says he doesn't feel that he's financially ready, I agree it's a big step and expensive. To rent a flat where we live is like £400+ a month on top of bills, food, furniture in the first few months, we'd be broke. I'm already on a college course so I can't sign up for any scholarships, the best I can do is get upto £30 a week in EMA or ALG depending on whether or not they stop it next year and I'm granted it.
Cassandra mentioed going to group therapy, I haven't tried it as I just feel it would be quite hostile and no one would go
Thank you though x
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