New here - Just waiting for the other shoe to drop...

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Laina
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/4/2011 8:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello All,
 
I have read many posts and many of you tell my story. I have so many emotional and health issues that I am feeling overwhelmed. The fourth of July is an aniversary date for me and although my town does not allow fireworks, I am so triggered. I thought I had gotten past it, but I guess not. I live in a rural area and mental health resources are minimal at best.
 
Mostly, I can relate to the person that posted the message, "I want to die, but I don't want to kill myself". Six years ago, I was diagnosed with gastroparesis. I got to the point that I couldn't eat food, so I drank a tubal feeding solution and was managing pretty well, weighing 121 lbs. I missed eating, but that was mental. I had the dumping syndrome, but that came every few weeks and I got by.
 
Then, two years ago, I had bleeding ulcers and a lot of scar tissue that might develop into cancer, so my surgeon told me that he could take most of my stomach and get rid of the ulcer, scar tissue and cure the gastroparesis. He didn't give me any other options. I agreed and off we went. I have since found out that the gastrectomy is not much different from a gastric by pass, except the by pass patients get to work with a diatiction and are informed about the many absorbtion problems that can develop, plus the dumping syndrome is a problem as well. I knew how to deal with that. The surgery made me lactose and frutose intolarant, so all the fattening things are off limit to me. Currently, I weigh 90 lbs and even though I am as active as I can be, my muscles are wasting away.
 
Each day, I take over 53 pills to keep me alive and to prevent abnormal electrolites that can trigger my seizures. I am tired. Before, I was just dealing with depression, ptsd from being a crime victim, anxiety and coping with the many injured discs that have become worse from degeneration and oestoparosis. Not to mention being molested as a child of 6 by my father. The pain from the intestinal problems and just eating food or drinking the tubal feeding solution triggers me and all the cramping it causes brings back painful memories.
 
Have I mentioned that I am on disability and my home is being forclosed on. I am having an intake visit with Hospice on Friday. I don't know if I qualify yet. Each day is a struggle.
 
Thank you for listening.
 
Laina
 
 

Geosojda
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 7/5/2011 7:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Laina,

Welcome to HW, we are glad you decided to join us. Sorry you are having a rough time of things right now. Hopefully you can qualify for Hospice, that would hopefully take a little stress off you. If there is anything we can help with just let us know we are always here to help
When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

with your past and your future precisely divided, Am I at that moment?. . I haven't decided.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/5/2011 8:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Laina,

I am truly sorry for all that you are going through right now. Know that we are all here for you. I really don't know what to say. Know that we all care about you. And will be hrere for you through this difficult time.

I am sorry I don't have much advice for you. I just want you to know that I do care.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Laina
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/7/2011 12:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and compassion. Friday is my Hospice Intake day, so wish me luck. I will be thinking of all of you and your strong postings that inspired me to feel safe enough to open my heart.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/7/2011 1:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Laina,

Do feel free to email me if you ever need to talk. My email is in my profile, just click on my name at the side of the post and it will take you to my profile, or on the little blue (I think) envelope at the side of my post. Know that I am here for you. And please let us all know how you are doing. How your day is going. Are you able to get out for walks? It really does us good if we can get out and walk.

I look forward to hearing more from you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/8/2011 8:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Laina
 
Good Morning and Welcome to HealingWell.  We offer support and friendship to all who ask. You are now a member of the loving family of HealingWell.
 
I cannot imagine what you must be going through but please know I am here for you.  You have so many things you are trying to deal with and as I read your post my heart hurt for you.
 
I have a MIL in Hospice program so I am well aware of how the program works and the intake process.  I hope you qualify for Hospice as it is a wonderful program. Today is Friday so please know that I am keeping you in my prayers that your Hospice meeting goes well.
 
I hope you keep on talking with us.
 
Gentle Hugs,
 
Kitt
 
 
 
 

~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/9/2011 12:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Laina
 
If you feel like sharing how your Hospice intake went I would love to hear and I know the members in the forum would also.
 
Thinking of you,
 
Kitt

~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"
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