Self-esteem issues seem to be the greatest part of your problem, Dead Inside. Psychotherapy is the appropriate method to begin the search for your real self. Once you see that you have a valuable contribution to make to life, your level of depression may lift.
Medications today are very helpful in maintaining the chemical balance necessary to stabilize feelings--a second reason for you to seek psychiatric help as soon as you can.
I notice that you use small letters for "I" each time you type it. Are you possibly an alcoholic? If so, that's a third reason to seek psychiatric assistance. Alcohol makes depression worse (and caffeine does also). Both of those need to be eliminated from the diet of a person who has depression (or bipolar illness). That information is not my own; it's a directive given to me as part of an order to maintain a
strong chemical balance of the brain neurotransmitters.
Discussion of alcoholism is a subject for another day, but one that is
important in the life of anyone who uses and needs alcohol to find relief from depresson. Chances are that you have many positive qualities and talents that need simply to be accepted by you. Then begin your work to bring them to the forefront. There's an excellent little book called "Keep It Simple" which is based on the daily meditations of a person who was reared in a dysfunctional family. It may give you some desire to rid depression from your life. (I think the writer may have been reared in a family that drove her to alcoholism at some point in her life.)
Gettingby has given you good advice. I can add only that I think her
suggestions are right on target.
Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 7/5/2011 8:17:12 AM (GMT-6)