Mother is depressed after my father passed away 2 yrs ago

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/8/2011 10:08 AM (GMT -6)   
My father passed away in june of 09.  My parents had been married for 35 years.  My father had struggled with hep c and a liver transplant in 1985.  My mom was a rock for him for everything.  He was diagnosed with cancer and passed away within a few months.  I live 2 states away and am not able to get back home as frequently as I would like.  I just went home for an extended weekend and was suprised at the state of mind she was in.  She has been bitter and tired after my father passed away, but it seems like she is even more depressed than ever.  She is angry and has let her house go, even moving furniture out of the house and into a shed.  There are kitchen chairs in the house, but no table because it was collecting trash so she just took it outside. Other furniture has also been removed. I have had a few calls from a friend lately who is a county sherriff and patrols at night.  He has inquired about her not sleeping and being up at all hours when he goes by. She has become verbally abusive towards her neighbors, who have always been there for her and dad.  Her and I have had a hard time communicating since dad passed away.  I am unsure of how to help her. I tried to get her to go to counceling, she declined.  A friend did get her to go to a support group, she became angry and left. Any suggestions would be helpful. This is a brief overlay of what we have going on. I know I have left a lot out, sorry.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42224
   Posted 7/8/2011 11:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Vickie,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. Situations like this are hard, especially when we have done all that we can and the other person isn't seeking help. It really sounds like she needs counseling. And I am sorry that the support group didn't work out. I can see your dilema. I don't think I spelled that right. And it sounds like you have done all you can. I wonder if grief counselling would help her. Doe she read books? You could maybe find a good book on coping and send it to her. Like I say, it is hard when we know we have done all we can. And it sounds like she does need help. Are there any family members that would want to do an intervention? It sounds like this is what she needs. It sounds like she is in denial with a lot of things. I am so sorry.

I hope that coming here helps you. We know that you are doing the best that you can. And we are here to support you.

I hope that things get better for your mom.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20119
   Posted 2/29/2012 4:49 AM (GMT -6)   
my healing compassionate thoughts i send to you vickie. welcome. can a welfare check be done by the police? with kindness, jamie



Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 2/29/2012 5:12 AM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like your Mom is still mourning over the loss of your Dad and is "stuck" in the anger phase. Sadly until a person wants help there is not much anyone can do about it. The only way to force any kind of intervention is if it can be proved that a person is an immediate danger to themselves or others.

about the only thing I can suggest at this point is having your Mom come visit you for a while. It is possible getting her out of the house for a while might help. If her mood does improve some you might also suggest her selling her house and moving closer to you.
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