Mother is depressed after my father passed away 2 yrs ago

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/8/2011 11:08 AM (GMT -6)   
My father passed away in june of 09.  My parents had been married for 35 years.  My father had struggled with hep c and a liver transplant in 1985.  My mom was a rock for him for everything.  He was diagnosed with cancer and passed away within a few months.  I live 2 states away and am not able to get back home as frequently as I would like.  I just went home for an extended weekend and was suprised at the state of mind she was in.  She has been bitter and tired after my father passed away, but it seems like she is even more depressed than ever.  She is angry and has let her house go, even moving furniture out of the house and into a shed.  There are kitchen chairs in the house, but no table because it was collecting trash so she just took it outside. Other furniture has also been removed. I have had a few calls from a friend lately who is a county sherriff and patrols at night.  He has inquired about her not sleeping and being up at all hours when he goes by. She has become verbally abusive towards her neighbors, who have always been there for her and dad.  Her and I have had a hard time communicating since dad passed away.  I am unsure of how to help her. I tried to get her to go to counceling, she declined.  A friend did get her to go to a support group, she became angry and left. Any suggestions would be helpful. This is a brief overlay of what we have going on. I know I have left a lot out, sorry.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/8/2011 12:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Vickie,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. Situations like this are hard, especially when we have done all that we can and the other person isn't seeking help. It really sounds like she needs counseling. And I am sorry that the support group didn't work out. I can see your dilema. I don't think I spelled that right. And it sounds like you have done all you can. I wonder if grief counselling would help her. Doe she read books? You could maybe find a good book on coping and send it to her. Like I say, it is hard when we know we have done all we can. And it sounds like she does need help. Are there any family members that would want to do an intervention? It sounds like this is what she needs. It sounds like she is in denial with a lot of things. I am so sorry.

I hope that coming here helps you. We know that you are doing the best that you can. And we are here to support you.

I hope that things get better for your mom.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/29/2012 5:49 AM (GMT -6)   
my healing compassionate thoughts i send to you vickie. welcome. can a welfare check be done by the police? with kindness, jamie



Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 2/29/2012 6:12 AM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like your Mom is still mourning over the loss of your Dad and is "stuck" in the anger phase. Sadly until a person wants help there is not much anyone can do about it. The only way to force any kind of intervention is if it can be proved that a person is an immediate danger to themselves or others.

about the only thing I can suggest at this point is having your Mom come visit you for a while. It is possible getting her out of the house for a while might help. If her mood does improve some you might also suggest her selling her house and moving closer to you.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2018
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/19/2018 2:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Good Afternoon,
I’m sorry to hear about your mother I hope things are better.
I going though the same situation with my mother.
My father passed away in 2016 and my mother started disappearing off and on and destroying the house where her and my father lived. She started being physically and mental abusive to my sister and myself . My sisters and their families were living on property that my parents owned. My mom didn't give much notice and sold the property.
She was being horrible going to all our works and harassing us , she would call us and say I'm going to get you all fired. She has so much hate in here it was so sad. I understand that she is grieving and we all tried to be supportive.
She disappeared for a few days no one knew where she was. We reported her missing.
They found her in another state. She was walking the streets . We brought her back home and tried to get her into grieving support and a mental evaluation she refused.
She started thinking people we following her taping her phone.
She would get a new phone ever month. She started soaking all the furniture in the house , soaking the walls everything was soaking wet not sure what caused her to do that .
A year later we thought she was going better she started going to church and then she started grieving group and got her own apartment .
Recently she started wetting everything again she soaked the floors in her apartment and walls. She doesn't admit it . Tried getting her to go to doctor for her annual apt, she refuses to go to anything we offered to go to family grieve counseling she became very angry. She gets in her anger moods and says some really horrible thing to my sisters.
We called adult services on her a few years ago and nothing over came out of it .
My sister though it would be a great idea for her to be with the grandkids. So my sister invited her over to spend time with the kids. My sister has cameras in her house . My mother started wetting the walls with Windex. Then was talking and curing to herself talking about out father who is passed away saying really horrible things
I can tell she is so angry .
We don't know what else to do to help my poor mother
Any suggestion would be helpful . We feel so helpless . She has lost so much weight and is always so angry all of the time.
She never used to drink or smoke and now she is starting to do that .

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 6/19/2018 6:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lovefaithhope…

Welcome to the depression forum. I Hope you find some help here.

This is a very old post. I don't know if Vickie is still around or not.

I know that there are different stages of grief and anger is one of them. I don't know how long she has been angry but it sounds like quite awhile.

If she becomes a danger to herself or anybody else, she could get hospitalized. I am not sure what it would take for her to become that way. Sounds like she is heading to a bad place. If you think she is a danger to herself or anyone else, you could call a doctor or somebody. I hope that it doesn't come to that.

Grief is a tricky thing. It is hard. I hope she can find some comfort soon.

Keep posting as it does help. The forum is a little slow right now but I am sure that there will be others on to reply and give you some suggestions.

I hope that things get better soon.

Hugs, Karen...

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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