I just wanted you to know how much I can relate to your situation. I too am a stay-at-home mom. I only have 2 children (a 3 year old and 9 month old), but I just can't imagine how you do it! Two kids has overwhelmed me to the point that I don't even recognize myself anymore. My 3 year old is so smart, but doesn't have very pronounced speech - I have to translate for most other people, and I feel so horrible that I haven't done more to remedy that. I feel guilty that somedays while the baby sleeps I sit on the couch and doze while my 3 year old watches TV. And, although my mother doesn't live with me, she lives right next door, and while her help is sometimes invaluable, other times her "advise" is a little more than I can take, and also contributes to my depression. I recently read an article about eliminating clutter, which my house is overflowing with, by the way. Even though we can barely get by on my husband's paycheck, we have so much "stuff" we barely fit into the space ourselves. Anyway, this article categorized the reasons why different types of people have cluttered homes, and the type I realized that I am is actually a perfectionist; if I can't do it perfectly, then I don't even bother to try. Just reading this made me realize that my home doesn't need to be perfect for me to feel better about it, and I'm coming to terms with that. I got some boxes together, and loaded up everything that was on the living room floor. I got my 3 year old to help by making a game out of it. Over the next two weeks, I made a concerted effort to spend a few minutes everyday putting the clutter that finds its way back to the floor into it's rightful place. I vacuumed a few times too. These are big accomplishments for me. I've even gotten to the point where I'm getting to those boxes of toys and miscellaneous that are in the corner, and getting them cleaned out. This is starting to spread to other rooms now too. On most days I can see the surface of the kitchen table, and we sit around it to eat dinner. This is a slow process, and my house isn't even close to what I would consider being organized. But it does look better, and it makes me feel like I've accomplished something. And I'm not so ashamed of it anymore.
The first day I started this, I decided that I would choose 3 things that I felt I needed to accomplish everyday in order to feel ok about my efforts in housekeeping. I figured that if I washed some dishes(even just a sink full), did some laundry (even just one load), and took the diaper pail garbage out, then the day wasn't a total waste and I was on the right path. I don't always get to those things everyday, but recently I've been doing them most days, and getting up and doing them has led to doing more and more.
I hope things start to look up for you, and I hope you find as much comfort in knowing you aren't alone as I do.
best wishes for a sunny tomorrow,