Hi, I'm new to this. My therapist recommended I find a support network like this if not for anything, just to see that there are others struggling with the same things. (Thanks for sharing your stories and listening/ helping with mine)
Not only does depression run in my family, but I've also been a victim of almost every type of abuse as a child. I also suffer from post- traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and ADD. I'm pretty young and just graduated from a major University with honors but I still feel like a loser. I had a daughter when I was 16 by a man twice my age and have been raising her absolutely alone since then. When she was 1 month old, we became homeless and ended up in a shelter that was really a dilapidated apartment right next to a crack house. I still managed to finish high school at one of the best schools in Mi., but I am emotionally damaged even from that experience- I was the bummy kid whose mom beat and threw away and who had a kid and lives on the streets, according to them. In fact, I'm emotionally damaged from pretty much every major experience of my life. My daughter's a constant reminder of my terrible child hood and I must admit that I just don't want to be a parent. I love her to death and will die for her, but I HATE being a mother. I feel like I'm short changing her. I'm not a normal mother- I don't like going to the park or taking her swimming. I can barely roll out of the bed on time. When she was in 1st grade, she either missed or was tardy over 50% of the time! I'm on meds and in therapy but this doesn't change the fact that my life is in crumbles. I never really had any control of my own life and this depresses me even more. I get a lot of advice that I need a break but I'm a single mother- I can't afford a babysitter, a vacation, or anything! I've been close to suicide since middle school and I sometimes have a decent run of a month or so where I feel...decent. The meds I'm on at least help me function. Before, I couldn't even think or walk. I would just lay around and cry and think of ways to. I invested in mental help solely for my daughter. She has no one else and I don't want her to end up like me. But, at this point, I don't know if my existence is doing more harm than good for her (who wants a sad, depressed, tired mother?)
Is there anyone else like this? Can anyone offer advice?
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/11/2011 7:22:47 PM (GMT-6)