boyfriend with an alcoholic problem....

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emmahleeh
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/13/2011 12:58 AM (GMT -6)   
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half and his alcoholic issues have been putting a damper on our relationship. I already suffer with manic depression and I haven't been taking anything for it for over 8 years and I tried getting back on depression pills to just get through his problems that are being pushed on me and making me stressed out. But they just made me really sick and I cant afford to be throwing up at work. I know everyone has been telling me to just leave him but it's easier said than done, he needs someone to take care of him and keep him from killing himself. Im the only person he has, hes blocked everyone else out of his life. He claimes he suffers of SAD and he will not go to the doctor to seek help for either issue. Im just trying to find someone thats in the same situation that will give me advice and help me find another option instead of taking medication for my depression. Its getting worse since ive been with him and I know he needs someone positive in his life that will not hurt him like others have. We fight all of the time and im ready to make a change with my life and better our relationship.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/13/2011 8:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

Welcome to the depression forum. You have come to a good and safe place to talk. I dont think you should be responsible for your boyfriend's drinking problems. This is his problem and he needs to get help. The best thing that you can do is encourage him to go to counseling or a doctor. Living with an alcoholic is hard. Are you sure you are up for this? You may want to consider counseling yourself to help you cope. You are taking on a huge responsibility trying to help him. I commend you on that. But don't let him bring you down with him intot the pits of depression. You have to keep yourself strong and take care of you. I am not trying to discourage you, but let you know that this isn't going to be easy.

Wishing you all the best. You sound like you are making this your problem, when it is his. Don't let it become yours. Think of you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 7/13/2011 10:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Your boyfriend needs to see he has a problem and clearly you've tried to help, so it's time for a break.
you are worth more than this boy can give you and his drinking is a problem which could get bad
for you if he get violent, which it could get to....you've tried to help him and that's the best you can do
you can't make him seek out help, so please try to get away from this situation, he might get help
once you leave but he's tugging on you and playing you.
You need to leave him, he can and will be good without you as he'll find someone else...
and you can and will find someone that is more worthy for you. You should seek out counseling
to get out of this situation.
Keep us posted, we do care...well wishes
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

Serenitee
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 463
   Posted 7/14/2011 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Emmahleeh,

Hello, I'm Serenitee, thought I would welcome you to The Healingwell Site. This is an amazing forum with wonderful people. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic...9-years clean from Meth and 314-days sober.

Your boyfriend is the only one that can help himself. Support from you is wonderful, however, he still needs to first admit he has a problem and then want to get sober. You don't want to enable him, but I know its hard when you love someone. Do you have co-dependence? You can suggest to him that he see someone, or try Inpatient or Outpatient Programs. They are wonderful, but you have to want to do the hard work it takes to get and stay sober.

Have you ever thought of checking into alanon? Its a support group for family or loved ones of someone that has an alcohol problem. They could really help you and give you great advice and support.

Keep us posted, and hang in there. Sending Prayers your way.
Your Healingwell Friend,
Serenitee

emmahleeh
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/20/2011 12:21 AM (GMT -6)   
hello everyone, I know ive been away from the computer for awhile, just trying to focus on work and figuring stuff out for myself. Ive really been putting it on him about getting help and he just laughs it off and i have threatened to leave several times because of his addiction. All he wants to do is brag about how much he drank and then whenever he gets a hangover he takes the pain out on me and complaines that he cant drink because hes too hung over... ugh I know that I love him to death but I do understand where all of you are coming from, trust me ive been trying to find a way to escape but its truely hard with my job that hardly pays me well and its really hard for me to save up. He has been helping me out by paying my part of the bills because he knows how hard it is for me. Im searching for another job and once i get a better one I am most certainly moving out.... we havent been fighting for the last few days and when hes like this it really makes me feel so guilty for having these thoughts of leaving him all alone. Hes told me that if i ever leave him that he would kill himself and that hes only living because im in his life.
We are supposed to go on vacation in two weeks so im hoping things go better and that he doesnt have allot of time to drink. I hope everything goes well during that time.
wish me luck :)

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 7/20/2011 8:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Sometimes the most difficult thing in life to accept is the fact that we
can't really help someone close to us who needs it desperately. The people here on the forum are right. You should by all means take care of yourself first. That means getting on an appropriate medication to
stabilize your moods.

It's up to him to realize that he needs help; right now, he's in denial and
that has to be put aside so that he will get the alcoholic anonymous assistance he needs. Only he can decide to do that.

Take care of yourself, please.

I.G.
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