Feeling Hopeless

Hi SadGirl...

You are really going thru a trial and I'm sure it's taking its toll on you. 

When I read what you wrote, I hurt inside for you and your son.  I have one daughter and seven grand children.  There isn't anything more precious to me than those people.  I can't imagine how I would handle anything like what you are surviving.

I have to tell you that I am certainly not qualified to address your concerns but, only can give you comfort and remind you that there is always hope.. always a chance for the help to work.

How old is your son?

Just a thought but, if he's in high school, with enough credits to graduate, maybe a career in the military where he can channel his interests in explosives, into a useable talent.

I'm sure you and the professionals involved have thought of just about everything.  I have found in my own experience that kids get a bit troublesome when they are bored.  Add a bit of internal turmoil to it and they start to get into trouble.  Maybe some kind of employment would give him some self respect and a sense of self worth. 

Take each new day as a new chance that there will be a breakthrough for him; a new opportunity for change.. if not today, then tomorrow will be better.  Don't give up hoping; he's worth it.

Be sure you are getting plenty of rest also; we can tolerate things better when we are not tired.

Good luck and God bless.  Let us know how you and your son are doing.

Hey, Sadgirl..

I remember days I couldn't write or think happy thoughts, and I spent part of those days writing my sad and angry thoughts to a friend who listened, without judging me.

Letting these thoughts and feelings bubble out is sometimes helpful, as we can only hold so much.  That's why this Forum is here; it's a place we can off-load some of the yuck without fear of pointing fingers, placing blame or judgement. 

And besides, when you are off-loading, maybe someone else who has "been there done that," will have an idea that may help.

I can hear in your tone your feelings and can only remind you that this trouble will pass.  You will endure it and you will come out of it; if not today, then tomorrow. 

There are a couple of different approaches.. gentle love and tough love.  I remember a few weeks ago, watching either the Discovery Channel or Learning Channel or the like, about a boy's ranch in Colorado, Montana, Wyoming, somewhere like that, that boys go to live at for a time period.  They are expected to maintain a certain level of school work, attitude, etc but, the one factor that made this a good place in my mind was, it is a working ranch.  Horses.  Each boy is responsible for his horse:  Feeding, health etc.  One kid they followed was responsible for helping a mare as she had her foal.  He was a changed kid.

The people running it say that when a teen is given responsibility over these creatures, they see miracles happen in the kids. 

The man running the place was a soft spoken person that even on the tv, I liked.  He just seemed to have an intuitive sense about what these boys needed.

Anyway, I hope there is a solution and healing for all of you soon.

Please write and let us know how you are doing.  God Bless..

I'm actually doing both. My therapist just increased my visits to twice a week. Because my husband has always been so angry, I have given extra love and listened to my son because I felt he needed to know he was loved and someone was listening. I think thats why it makes this so hard. Thanks all for your support and advice. I'll try and be strong.

Terri

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. It is a very serious matter and none to be taken lightly especially after what happened 2 days ago at a school in MN. (?) The one thing you need to do is stop blaming yourself for what he has become. You can't go back and change things. We have choices in life and some of us make bad choices. I for one did and I still live with the pain even though I have been forgiven. As for his father, I would say that the fault falls on him, however, that too is in the past. It's what's happenning right now. From what you have said, I believe if I was strapped with the same situation, I would want my child taken out of the entire community and put in some type of therapy and solitude so he can't hurt anyone or himself. What you are saying is very serious so don't take this lightly. You have to think about if he did do something and you didn't stop him when you had the chance, that would be forever on your conscience and now they are making the parents responsible for the kids actions if under 18. I don't want to see any parent go to jail over something their child did and they knew and didn't stop them. Think of how you would feel if lives were lost at his hand? Think of how you would feel if he took his own life in the process. I am going to pray very hard for you and your son today. In fact, I will fast lunch for this. I care deeply about you and your son. You are a sister in Crist and he a child of God. Please do the right thing.

Hugs

H2LF