I remember days I couldn't write or think happy thoughts, and I spent part of those days writing my sad and angry thoughts to a friend who listened, without judging me.
Letting these thoughts and feelings bubble out is sometimes helpful, as we can only hold so much. That's why this Forum is here; it's a place we can off-load some of the yuck without fear of pointing fingers, placing blame or judgement.
And besides, when you are off-loading, maybe someone else who has "been there done that," will have an idea that may help.
I can hear in your tone your feelings and can only remind you that this trouble will pass. You will endure it and you will come out of it; if not today, then tomorrow.
There are a couple of different approaches.. gentle love and tough love. I remember a few weeks ago, watching either the Discovery Channel or Learning Channel or the like, about a boy's ranch in Colorado, Montana, Wyoming, somewhere like that, that boys go to live at for a time period. They are expected to maintain a certain level of school work, attitude, etc but, the one factor that made this a good place in my mind was, it is a working ranch. Horses. Each boy is responsible for his horse: Feeding, health etc. One kid they followed was responsible for helping a mare as she had her foal. He was a changed kid.
The people running it say that when a teen is given responsibility over these creatures, they see miracles happen in the kids.
The man running the place was a soft spoken person that even on the tv, I liked. He just seemed to have an intuitive sense about what these boys needed.
Anyway, I hope there is a solution and healing for all of you soon.
Please write and let us know how you are doing. God Bless..