Find a counselor. You could be suffering from ptsd from the past abuse. It is definately effecting you. Don't worry about what he thinks, take care of you. I know that you feel like you are neglecting him, but you aren't. You are more likely to be neglecting you. You really have to take care of this issue, so that you can move on. I do understand your insecurities about your kids being in the care of somebody else. You want to protect them from any harm. I bet that they are so cute at the ages that they are at. You are lucky to have them. And they are lucky to have you for a mom.
So think about counseling. If money is an issue, they often work on a sliding scale and you can get to see somebody for a very low price. I am hoping that isn't an issue for you. But you really need to heal hon. And I want to see that happen. If you don't know how to go about it, talk to your doctor and maybe get a referral.
I don't like that you said that he said " only the weak lets the past keep them down". That isn't true. Everybody who has suffered trauma in the past like you have has to go through a healing process. And because your mother didn't protect you, you have a double whammy. Real trust issues because you didn't have anybody to trust back then, how can you be expected to trust now? I truly understand what you are going through. Give yourself a break. Take a few deep breaths, and know that you are going to get better and feel better soon. You just have to get on a path and follow it.
We are here for you.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies