This is just another BIG pill from my "DH" to swallow

This is very troubling. My "DH" has been very "standoffish" lately. I use that term as far as in the bedroom. OK...so I am ill but I am not contageous nor will I break. He has been very suspicious and sneaky. He's on the internet all hours of the night. When I signed on this AM to clean my temp. internet files and cache, lo and behold I saw things I never thought I would ever see on MY internet. These things were in history as well. He doesn't even know how to cover his tracks.This is my computer. He has his own but doesn't like using it because it is on his companies network. This was going on for a while as the dates were back in Feb. When I signed on, I went to history and my GWAD I saw video's and pages and pictures that I would never want on my computer. I am a Christian woman just trying to get her life in order. It has taken a long time for me to get through some terrible ordeals. I feel ike Al Paccino. "Every time I think I am out, he pulls me back in". Between the alcohol abuse and this I feel like this is not a place I should be but then I don't feel I should be the one to leave since I didn't do anything wrong. This is not good. Times past my Doctor has seen me and he can tell when I am having a hard time just from my BP alone. He tells me this is not good for me and I should get rid of him and "kick him to the curb". Easier said than done. He hasen't done anything violent, he is rather passive. (now I know why) I am embrassed just seeing this trash on my computer. I am a Christian and this is a Christian computer. This is offensive, disgusting, embarrassing, trash and should not be allowed on the internet but the "love of money is the root of all evil". I am so angry my heart is pounding. I am hurt and feel betrayed. I am back down in the depression mode in dispair. Talk about doom and gloom. I haven't done anything for him to disrespect me like this. I have mentioned many times about, "making love", (God this is embarassing) and he has no reason why he doesn't. I need to get off here and pray on my knees. God forgive him. Please help me out here.

Hugs

H2LF  

Post Edited (Having2LeftFeet) : 3/21/2005 6:04:47 PM (GMT-7)

Yes to everything you asked. I am really stuck here with this one and I feel like I am not in control of what's happening. I don't trust him anymore. I am sad and disheartened. Please, off site is good for me. Your help would be appreciated.

God bless

 Hi, Rain Dance,

I wrote you an E mail to the address you gave me. Did you get it? If not, I will try to locate it and resend. Thanks for your support. Hugs

H2LF

h2lf...

u have to remember to look after yourself first before you can help others.. what your doctor says is right, its most likely if this person is affecting your health they won't hang around to help you pick up the pieces should u become ill.... therefore before you can consider DH's diffuculties you must ensure that you are in a strong enough place to make your stand.. its hard sometimes seeing the effect that being down has on others but its important that you look after yourself first so that if necessary you can help DH through whatever he's going through.. all the best hunny... it'll all work out the way God intended in the end.. xxx