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Crackles23
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 7/15/2011 6:47 AM (GMT -6)   
So I am known to be a very happy person, even through this crap life that I lead. I live in Australia and pretty much ever since I was 13 I have done nothing but got into trouble with the police, I managed to pull myself away from this and have stayed out of trouble for about 3 years now.
I am 27 years old and just so very tired, I have 14,000 dollars in fines that have just been lingering for so long. I had even enrolled into finishing my VCE at the start of this year. I did well first semester and was bringing home A's on everything I was doing, then my arthritis would flare up and started missing classes and got behind. I am not as far behind as I think, but I'm sick of having to catch a train for 30 minutes a day.
So, my friend on facebook asked me if I wanted to go out tonight, with my tight money situation I said no. Anyway he keeps nagging me saying I shouted last time, and I pretty much had to get angry at him just to explain that I don't bloody take hand outs. So they decide to come to my house and ask me to come out, even after I just told them that I didn't feel like it?

I feel people around me including my family are just condescending me, it's as if the world revolves around them. I'm losing interest, I just want to be alone and want everyone to piss off. This has been like this for around 5 years now since I lost contact with my older group of friends.
So these "friends" of mine, they go to tafe with me also and for some reason I'm getting annoyed because I am getting put down all the time. I mean a joke is a joke, I get that, but when does it end? Yeah I suck at maths or I suck at this, but I'm an A grade student?

Sometimes I just feel people need to put others down to boost they're own self esteems, people have even tried to manipulate me out of guilt with their birthdays? even though I bought a present to show I cared, they wanted to use that as a tool to use me?
Is this normal or is there something wrong with me, I have lost all interest in life and have no idea where I am heading with it.

The only emotion that I seem to have is blank, rare happiness and 80% of anger.

So anyway, I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis about 3 years ago and it has slowed me down so much. I can get very tired and sleep up to 14 hours a day and still want to sleep more, I often worry about my health and just plain over it.

The only time I ever seem to want to enjoy myself or even remotely express any emotion is when I drink.... I LOVE to drink, it makes me feel good and I can cope with everyone when I drink. Unfortunately I can only afford to get drunk once a fortnight, I would drink alot more if I was able to.

If anyone can relate in anyway, I would very much like to hear about it.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 7/15/2011 7:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Friends can be pushy, but just stand your ground. Did they talk you into going out with them? Or did you stick firm to your decision?

Drinking alcohol only makes us more depressed. So if you are drinking and you feel more depressed, that is why. So go easy on that. Not to mention the hangovers. They really suck.

I hope that you start to feel better, I am sorry about your illness. That is a lot to deal with.

Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Crackles23
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 7/15/2011 4:56 PM (GMT -6)   
No, I didn't end up going out with them and glad I didn't, I went to sleep and woke up at 6.00am.
They know I have issues keeping my sleeping right, and we start back at Tafe on Monday and I would very much prefer the way I'm sleeping.
I am so tempted to drop out and go back to work, they don't understand the financial position I'm in. I have to pay half of all the bills and rent, so the excess money I have goes to what I enjoy.
I don't like hand outs as I make my own way through life, I just feel that I'm a joke to them. I listen to their problems and emphasize, but when it comes to mine it seems to always revert back to how their lives are bad.
I mean I don't have mummy and daddy paying for my food, he even complains when his Mum asks for a third of a phone bill.

I'm not depressed I don't think, im just so darn angry all the time with the condescending, maybe I am taking things too seriously.

I don't know, sometimes it's just nice to be acknowledged and not made as a joke, even my old man does it and then cracks it when I tell him to stop with the patronizing crap. I am surrounded by people with massive heads and it's really getting to me. They say oh, you need to build your self esteem? So how do I do that then? This is why I want to just be left alone, a social outcast if you will.

The stupid thing is, I have always been treated better here. Total strangers, thanks for listening to my rant, who needs friends and family when you got strangers :)

Crackles23
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 7/15/2011 5:01 PM (GMT -6)   
I have my moments, I'm sorry I know people are out there that need alot more support than I do. There is positives in my life that keep me going , they are just being over ridden by negatives.

I guess I'm just under a lot of stress and venting here was my only option at the time, I hope you all have a good day and I thank you for listening.
Diagnosis - Ankylosing Spondilitis and (still to come, ill find something :P)
Meds - Celebrex 200mg Once daily - Contains Celecoxib.

Melbourne, Australia

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 7/15/2011 5:06 PM (GMT -6)   
LOL...

Yes, I think it is easier to give advice when you don't see somebody face to face. I have always been kind of a hermit. I don't have a lot of friends, and don't go anywhere, but I am content with that. I don't know, People seem to be stuck on themselves. It seems like a lot of people post on here that they always listen to their friends. But the friends don't listen back or just don't understand. Maybe the type of people you are hanging around with aren't like you are. Maybe they just don't get it. I use to take life quite seriously. But I don't anymore. Life is too short. I take it one day at a time as it comes. I try to go with the flow of things. I don't do a lot. But I am happy with things the way that they are. When you are alone, you can do what you want when you want. I have a husband, but we just do our own things. And meet at intervals in the middle I guess. We get along good. He is very active, I on the other hand am slow. There must be something about you because here I am talking about myself on your thread. Sorry about that.

I think things will work out for you. You said you didn't think you were depressed. I hope that you are not. It is no fun. Life is full of ups and downs. I think things will get better for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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