Need some suggestions, please.

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Traveler
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 36310
   Posted 7/17/2011 6:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi All,
As you can see, I am usually in the Lyme Disease forum, but I need some help. It seems that my Mom has a lot of faith in me! smhair , as she has asked for my help in finding some info.

Here is the situation. My Moms' sister has been in the middle of a messy divorce for over a year now, has just got fired from her long time career - going to court over it too - and has just realized that she will have to file for bankruptcy because of all of this. Of course we all realize how devastating this has got to be for my aunt, but she won't hardly even talk about where the right papers are for filing this different things! She doesn't want to talk about any of it. She hasn't done things to help herself, as a matter of fact she has just buried her head!

After talking with both my Mom, my brother, and my Aunt's daughter, we all believe she is dealing with depression. It's really the only thing that makes any sense. Soooo, how do you deal with someone who is that depressed, but won't talk to anyone or even acknowledge that there's anything wrong? We have to do something as there are court dates that are quickly coming up and we have no clue where to find the things needed to defend her, and she's not helping!

Is there some place I can go to read on how to deal with someone who is depressed and family members have to find a way to still get this person to function...all without flat out confronting that person? If it comes to that, we all know what's going to happen - it'll end in a screaming match with neither side willing to speak to the other for quite a long time! We just can't afford for that to happen. Now what?

Thank you in advance for any help you can offer!!
Trav
Co-Moderator, Lyme Disease ;)

Treating with Acupuncture, Traditional & Modern Chinese Medicine & Western Herbs.

"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP

I break up my post because my eyes have been effected by TBI's as well, which makes long paragraphs very hard to read.

Post Edited (Traveler) : 7/18/2011 9:36:18 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 7/17/2011 8:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Traveler,

Does your aunt have an attorney to help her with these issues. Over her job I mean? That would take a lot of stress off of her. Try to find somebody who only gets paid if she gets paid. I think some legal assistance would help the whole family.

She really needs to see a counselor who would also help her with filling out the papers. It sounds like she is too overwhelmed. Do you think that there is anyway that you can get her to a counselor??? I think it is so important that she goes. Though it is true, you can't make somebody do something that they don't want to do. Maybe there needs to be an intervention??? Something needs to be done and I know she is going to get angry, but once she feels better I am sure that then she will see why the family did what they did. I want you to know that I do care and I want to see your aunt feeling better. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Traveler
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 36310
   Posted 7/18/2011 9:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much for the response, Karen.

Yes, my aunt does have an attorney, actually she has two, one for the divorce and a different one (a labor lawyer) for the work related issue. It's getting her to cooperate with them and getting the right paperwork to them that we are having so much trouble with! It seems that it's just too much for her to handle to even have someone else look for those papers. And to make matters worse, she just had knee replacement surgery a couple of weeks ago and all she wants to do is hang out in her bedroom while her daughter has taken time off to help her!! shakehead

I'm afraid that we would never get her to even consider going to a counselor. The way she thinks, that would be admitting that she can't handle things on her own and she won't budge there, I'm afraid - although I've convinced my Mom to try.

Where would be a good reliable place to get info on an intervention? And if we are going to do an intervention, then would it be advisable to try to get her in to see a counselor first? Or to do the intervention without even speaking of seeing a counselor?

Geezzzzzzzzz - questions leading to more questions. I'm sorry. I realize that you can't answer all of them, but I am more looking for someone to point me in the right direction and some suggestions on which way to turn.

Again, thank you in advance for any help you can give! I love my aunt and this is killing us all to see her in such misery! cry
Co-Moderator, Lyme Disease ;)

Treating with Acupuncture, Traditional & Modern Chinese Medicine & Western Herbs.

"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP

I break up my post because my eyes have been effected by TBI's as well, which makes long paragraphs very hard to read.

Post Edited (Traveler) : 7/18/2011 9:39:10 AM (GMT-6)


Chartreux
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Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 7/18/2011 9:52 AM (GMT -6)   
At this point I think you need to confront her, but first set up an date for her with a counselor and let that counselor know
she'll be coming in probably very mad...then confront her and tell her she'll come with you to counseling or you
will get a letter of being appointed her legal guardian as she's mentally unfit and get her power of attorney
then she would be forced to go to counseling..Maybe that's what she needs is someone to tell her what to do...
Seems like you can prove to court that she is unfit and get her power of attorney meaning you can act on her behalf ..
wish this situation would be easy on you, but sounds like tough love is what is needed for her and your health.
others will come by with better advise..wishing you the best, keep us posted how things go,
you got quite an uphill battle to fight, she needs help and you got to make her see that before she looses everything...
well wishes to you...and I hope this won't indanger your own health...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 7/18/2011 10:16 AM (GMT -6)   
I am not sure how you would do an intervention. Would you be willing to talk to a counselor about this and maybe they could help you? She does need some kind of assistance with her issues at hand. I like Chartreux's advice. She does need a power of attorney or a gaurdian and conservator. Which should be family members. In fact the court will come to your home and do it if she wont go. I did that with my legal mother. Who was my grandmother. But whoever gets gaurdianship should also get conservatorship to make it easier on that person. To make decisions. I had family fighting me in this process, but it sounds like you all have her best interest at heart. Maybe call the court system, or probate to find out what you need to do. IF they find her incapable of making her own decisions, they will apoint somebody to do this.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Traveler
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 36310
   Posted 7/18/2011 11:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Well, the situation seems to be quite fluid now - my aunt just declared that all of this is 80% my Mom's fault. OH boy! My Mom just got a call from her and I have yet to hear back from my mom at this point. I think my aunt has begun to really unravel now. It's sad.

Thank you so much for all of your help and suggestions! My cousin -my Aunt's daughter does have power of attorney right now, but I don't know if we can convince her to use it in that manner. I'll be reading your suggestions to my Mom as soon as I hear back from her.

Of course I will let you all know how things go. What a roller coaster! I don't even like roller coasters!
Thanks again.
Trav
Co-Moderator, Lyme Disease ;)

Treating with Acupuncture, Traditional & Modern Chinese Medicine & Western Herbs.

"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP

I break up my post because my eyes have been effected by TBI's as well, which makes long paragraphs very hard to read.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 7/18/2011 1:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow Trav,

I am sorry to hear this, but I got a feeling that the family is going to be able to talk her into accepting their help. I don't know why. But I don't think she will fight it very long. She just has to undertand that this is in her best interest and that she would come ahead if she got those forms filled out. I am sure that she is just overwhelmed at this point. Is there anyway that the company would send a new set of forms in care of her daughter? And give her more time to fill them out? I sure do hope that you can locate everything in time.

I think it has to just come to that point of her accepting the truth and that she isn't capable of being able to take care of things right now. Have patience. It is going to work out. These situations always do. Keep the faith. And take a deep breath.

Hugs Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 7/18/2011 2:01 PM (GMT -6)   

Your aunt needs a CPA (Certified Public Accountant) to manage the
paper work for the money situation--for the divorce, foreclosure,
job lawsuit, and an attorney for the legal documents pertaining to the
work of the CPA and other court documents needed for the lawsuits.

Try to see that your mother gets a man (CPA) who can get to the bottom of the whereabouts of the records and can supply data to the
lady's attorney. A CPA is going to know where to go to get the data he needs if the aunt isn't willing to co-operate. It's too much for family members to get caught up in, especially when you are trying to deal with someone just out of the hospital with knee replacement and a lady  who has emotional and mental issues.

I hope you find a good one to help get some unity in the settlement for
your aunt.

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 7/18/2011 2:04:57 PM (GMT-6)


Traveler
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 36310
   Posted 7/18/2011 3:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Geeezzzzzz! What a mess my family is! It's getting to me so I have to now stay out of much of this, as I have only just now regained a tidbit of health in the last 3 months.

My Aunt demanded and her daughter asked that we not get involved now. I can't help but think smhair"Whaaaaaat????" At least my cousin did listen politely as I explained about how I felt my Aunt was in not just a bad place, but a dangerous one and that it was far too late to believe that this would resolve on it's own. My Aunt is in need of treatment - I'm convinced of it. My cousin at least entertained the thought while on the phone with me.

The funny thing, It's Genetic - she was married to a wonderful CPA for many years until she kicked him out for an imagined affair. Even after they divorced this man stayed and took care of all of the paper work for her, but I believe this only enabled her more. I know what you are suggesting isn't the same, but my aunt won't speak to anyone about these matters, which is why I was asking about interventions. She literally wants to just bury her head and wait until it's all gone. She won't even listen to why she can't bury her head. She is refusing to talk about this to her sister (my Mom), her daughter or her son. She refuses to even tell anyone where the paperwork is. I know I can't step in because I'm the black sheep of the family (devil) - of course that doesn't mean that I don't want to - it's that I would been seen as an outsider and it would only make matters worse.

With the issue of the divorce, she is faced with losing literally everything, car, house, retirement, everything. The work related issue she is supposed to be fighting so that she has a retirement! She knows about this, but not only does she not want to face that she still doesn't even want to do the exercises she has to do after having had a total knee replacement. She has already had the other knee replaced so it's not like she doesn't understand what needs to be done. This is why I got scared and why I got involved. NO one in their right mind doesn't care if the have a place to live in, a car to drive, or a retirement that they have worked all of their life for.

Karen, we - well they (like I said, I'm the black sheep -Baaah) have been trying to talk her into accepting help. I reached out because my Aunt had been refusing the help. My Mom went to stay with her for two weeks after the surgery, now her daughter is there and we are a full month past the surgery, and it's still the same thing. I'm beginning to think my Aunt is farther into depression than anyone realizes now.

From what I understand, everyone has given her all of the chances they are going to give - meaning the lawyers and the courts.

I have now taken that deep breath, and although it doesn't look good, my mom and I have been asked to essentially leave things alone.

Thank you all so very much for your help and your concern!! It has made a big difference for me, as you gave me a place to turn to for comfort and understanding.

I will forever be grateful! smilewinkgrin
Trav
Co-Moderator, Lyme Disease ;)

Treating with Acupuncture, Traditional & Modern Chinese Medicine & Western Herbs.

"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP

I break up my post because my eyes have been effected by TBI's as well, which makes long paragraphs very hard to read.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 7/18/2011 3:38 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sorrry thatt it has come to this. She is in total denial and doesn't want to deal with anything. And I guess it is their problem. You did all you could. They will still be in my thoughts and prayers. I am sure that they will work it out somehow. Eventually it will come to a head. Something will have to give. I know that you hate to see this happen, but it is truly out of your hands. Sorry that it came to that. I hope that the daughter can take care of her, or the son. It will probably come to that.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Traveler
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 36310
   Posted 7/18/2011 4:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your help and encouragement, Karen! I'm afraid I have to agree with you, no matter how badly it breaks my heart!

I too hope that her son or or daughter is prepared to take care of her!
Co-Moderator, Lyme Disease ;)

Treating with Acupuncture, Traditional & Modern Chinese Medicine & Western Herbs.

"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP

I break up my post because my eyes have been effected by TBI's as well, which makes long paragraphs very hard to read.
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