Okay, I'm going to start from the top.
In the beginning of my relationship everything was amazing. Basically the "honey moon" period and what not, but the phase didn't last very long.. at all.
I got grounded because of school problems for about
a month. I tried talking to my parents about
how i felt and why i'm not doing so well in school, they didn't really listen and i ended up getting grounded. So during the whole month of being grounded i was really depressed. I was upset that i didn't see my boyfriend for so long and because i was still being nagged at by my parents about
school when i constantly try to explain how i felt but they wouldn't listen. Soon enough i got off of being grounded and hung out with my boyfriend but when i was with him i didn't feel anything towards him which triggered my anxiety and i got anxiety for a while. Through out that whole time with my anxiety was horrible. :/ I didn't know what i wanted to do or how i felt or anything. After a few months my anxiety got better and now it feels like it's actually gone away for now, but i'm more depressed now.
Through out my anxiety and depression my feelings for my boyfriend been ****ed. I don't really feel ANYTHING towards him and that makes me depressed. I WANT to go back to how we were before so bad but it just won't..
I feel like i don't really want to talk to him or have anything to do with him. And if i do talk to him it feels like he's just a friend.
I tried breaking up with him before but as soon as i do, i feel bad. So we get back together and the cycle continues.
So now I'm seeing a therapist and on anti-depressants but the anti-depressants aren't working.
Now here's the other thing, through out my whole "numb-ness" in the relationship I've actually felt like i was back to normal for only 2 days a while back, i had a dream where he went with other girls and i got jealous and woke up a bit sad and pissy.
All in all i'm just confused. :/ I've read situations where the person is depressed and feel insecure like they don't feel good enough for the person or something similar but I've yet to actually read something similar to mine. So that's why i question if this is actually my depression taking over my emotions or what. I honestly want my relationship to get better and want things to work but i hate wanting that but not feeling anything. :/
I would love some advice or something. Some type of help or if someone ever went through this and what they did or if it worked out.
I'm also very antisocial and i have trust issues. I barely have friends and if i do it doesn't last long. I don't want to do things that i used to love doing and everything seems pointless.
Post Edited (HeartsArt) : 7/20/2011 1:49:33 AM (GMT-6)