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angel_love54
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/24/2011 11:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, I'm so glad that I got accepted to this site cuz I really need to talk to someone who understands. As U already know I'm a newbie here. I'm here cus i have no where else to turn to where someone will understand. I, feel crazy and can't find happiness anywhere. I have been diagnoised with the kind of depression that comes with having so many worries at home especially since my 2 sons r in the Army and have gone to war 3 times each and I thank God they r back here in the states safe and sound. But I also have 2,  very sick parents living next door to me and they need me, a daug. who is handicap. and abususive husband of 39 +yrs.Right now lately my life seems meaningless and empty and I feel so much anger which is something I never felt before. I'm so angry at everything I just wanna stay in my room, but my anxiety makes me so restless,I think I'm losing my mind. it's that I just remembered how my hubby use to beat me so bad till I was nearly dead for 28 yrs. and now my anger jst came out. He doesn't beat me anymore but he verbally abuses me. I know I have typed so much already so maybe I can write some more next time to tell yall everything I feel. Plz, help me. cry

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 7/24/2011 12:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Angel_love54,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum.

My question to you is if your husband has been physically and mentally abusing you for 39+ years, why do you stay? Do you suffer from low self esteem? Are you scared to leave? Or do you not have anywhere to go? You don't deserve this kind of treatment. You have missed out a lot on life living this way. I mean in the way of happiness. Do you live in fear all the time? How often does he get abusive? Do you take anything for anxiety and depression? Do you go to any type of counseling? I am guessing no on the last two questions. But I would like to hear from you where you stand with your mental health situation.

Please do write more. I didn't mean to ask so many questions, but I am curious as to why you stay with a man who treats you so badly.

Take care, please do post back.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

suebug
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/24/2011 7:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi.  I read your message, and I just wanted to say that you are not alone.  I know that many times it feels that way.  I felt that way for most of the weekend.  But what you can remind yourself of is that the sun will always rise tomorrow and you have control over each decision that you make.  I hope that you choose to continue to share here, with family, your doctor, and anyone else in your life that you feel safe talking to.  You are not alone! 

angel_love54
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/25/2011 7:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi getting by, I'm glad to have heard from u. I really need someone to talk to me and try to understand me and give me some input on my situation. Well, to answer some of ur questions, here goes one,I stay with my hubby cuz he will never let me leave . I have tryed so many times before in my younger yrs. but each time i got on my car,I almost ended up dead so I stayed. it has affected me so bad and not to say my poor children who r now all grown and gone. My children all did very well they r all very well educated and I have 5 kids starting ages, 38,35,31,29, and 23. Three r girls of which 2 r married and happy and 2 r boys who joined the Army to become real man and not end up abususive like their dad. My youngest daug. is with me at home she is handicap but she is my little angel and for her I live each day.u, also asked if I take anything for my anxiety and depression and I did take prozac for 3 yrs. and left it cold turkey 4 yrs. ago cuz it stopped working. I was taking 20 mg. a day and i also take 2 mg. of xanax per day, which I still take. I was seeing a shrink for 3 yrs. 4 yrs. ago but also stopped. I've seen several doctors and they all prescribe antidepressants and none of the pills they give me help me .i've, tryed almost all of them and the only one that ever helped was prozac, but I don't wanna take it again cuz ppl tell me I'm crazy. What they don't know is that I feel crazy without it and very anxious that I'm afraid to hurt myself.I dn't know what to do cus I'm 54 and i"m still very young looking for my age and try to act normal but I have very ugly thoughts running thru my head. I'm a very good mother, daug, sister, and wife and try to help everyone ,but inside me I feel I die a little each day.Please, help me to help myself. Some advice would be great. I'm going back to my doctor to see what he can do for me cus I'm also going thru menopause and to top it off I lost my uterus and ovaries at the age of 31 yrs.old, which doesn't help at all . Well, I guess i have said enough for now till laterz......Thank u for listening, Blessings to all, Angelwings 54.............. cry

angel_love54
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/25/2011 7:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello suebug, I wanna thank u for ur input and yes I do wanna continue to stay on here and talk to you all. I, know that for some reason I found this site and I have so much faith That I know I will get some kind of support here............ Thank you and Many Blessings ur way.......Angelwings confused

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 7/25/2011 8:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Angelwings,

I am glad that you are going to see the doc soon. I am glad that you are devoted to your daughter as you are. I am glad that you love her so much. Just remember, you have to be happy too. You sound like a devoted wife.

I got to go, but I will post back some more. I hope that you have a good day. Know that we all care about you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 7/25/2011 9:55 AM (GMT -6)   
I stll feel you would be much happier without your husband's abusive nature. What do you mean when you say he wont let you leave? Is he physically harming you? I am so worried aobut that. You have every right to live happily with your daughter. There are avenues that you can follow. I will try to come up with some ideas. I hope that you are having a good day today.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

lil'sis
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/27/2011 4:43 PM (GMT -6)   
hi angel, i hope you are well. just reading your posts about the myriad of isues you are dealing with had me feeling overwhelmed. i am recently home from a treatment center. i was treated for PTSD. i cant tell you how helpful it was. i was losing perspective and felt my depression deepening. i needed a lot of help and the support and safety of a program. do you think you could benefit from a program of sorts? are you willing to consider it? the time away really helped me regain perspective because i was overwhelmed with the chaos and issues weighing on me daily. you cannot help anyone, yourself or family members if you are not ok. it might seem like you can for a day or a week, then its right back to the anxiety and all that comes with it. i was a victim also. then i was a survivor. today, my challenge is to thrive and live. please seek out help. pray, and it will come. best wishes
takin' it one day at a time

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 7/27/2011 5:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Here is a number that I have found for you and a website.
1-800-799-safe
 
I don't know how good this site and number is, but it will give you some options.  You need not live in fear.
 
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

angel_love54
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/28/2011 7:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks ,lil'sis for ur suggestion but no i would never consider going to get that kind of help cuz of my baby girl who is 23 and disabled. But thank u so much for been so kind . I, appreciate ur input.........Blessings,angelwings54 ( sylvia )

angel_love54
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/28/2011 7:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank U so very much, getting by, for the number I will keep it handy and by the way I went to my doctor and I'm back on prozac 10mg. to start with and then in 2 wks. I'm going to 20 mg. He told me my depression had alot to do with my menopause and also put me on premarin 0.3 which is the lowest mg.I've taken it for 4 days only and I'm starting to feel a little different in a very good way. Thanks alot for ur help and plz continue to keep in touch cuz I need someone to talk to......... Blessings Your Way, angelwings54 (Sylvia)....... :-)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 7/28/2011 7:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Sylvia,

I took premarin years ago and provera. It always helped me. I was perimenopausal for a long time. And the hormones really helped. I am glad that they are helping you. I am done with menopause (I think) and I am glad. That actual menopause wasn't bad at all. But the perimenopause was horrific.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Living Well
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 1276
   Posted 7/28/2011 7:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sylvia,
I think I understand what you mean about staying. You are resigned to life as it is? And a change would be much more painful for you than the abuse you have learnt to live with. Women usually outlast their husbands so you may find liberation in your latter years after he pops his clogs... and I'm not suggesting you hurry up the process!! It seems like you've almost adjusted to that abuse being a staple in your life. It seems like it is your kids who you worry about the most, and rightfully so. It's good that you can see it is situational depression and even situational depression can be helped by medication and therapy even if we can't or decide not to remove some of the stressors. It seems to me that you've got so caught up in being a good daughter, wife and mother; you have lost sylvia. You will need to find Sylvia again. If you can get some respite for your daughter while you go to an art class, a line dancing class, yoga, tai chi, even a cooking class, sewing, knitting... if you are more active you might find it empowering to join a sporting club... write down all those fantasies that you have suppressed for half a decade and start ticking off the easier ones. Expect resistance from everyone around you, but guess what, you are a person too and you have needs to and you have a right to be happy too. You've been a great daughter, wife, and mother but I suspect you have been a dismal failure as a "sylvia supporter"... you might like to take baby steps in this direction. It is not too much. It is not too late. Start simple without getting overwhelmed by grand designs. Pleasant event homework for sylvia I think :) Hugs

angel_love54
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/29/2011 9:01 AM (GMT -6)   
       Hello Karen,          Thanks, for letting me know that the premarin helped u . I took it yrs. ago when i first had my uterus and ovaries removed at the age of 33 and it did help for alot of yrs. but I left it cuz I got scared when all this bad things were been told about taking ERT, but now I just wanna get better with this terrible depression that seems to have taken all my life away. Thank You Again and hope to hear from u soon. It really helps when I read all this posts cuz I know I'm not alone...........Blessings,Sylvia....... cool                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

angel_love54
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/29/2011 9:08 AM (GMT -6)   
      Hi, livingwell,                 Thanks alot for ur input , I will really try to find myself once again and know that I am somebody. I, will take ur advice and find something to do for myself little by little (one day at a time). I, will take baby steps and I know that I will overcome all this monster(depression) that is destroying me. No more will I let it control me........Blessings, Sylvia........................ yeah

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 7/29/2011 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sylvia,

I truly hope that the premerin works for you. You need a break from not feeling well. It really did help me a lot. I was in my 30's when I took it. But I had microcalcification on one breast and they took me off of them because of that. Just incase I guess. But they really helped my mood and sex drive too. I hope they work for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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