I don't usually post here but this is really starting to nag at me

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grandmaroses
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 1355
   Posted 7/25/2011 12:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi I usually post in Fibromyalgia but depression is part of my symptoms as well so here goes.

I am 52 my hubby is 45 we have been together for 11 years. During the first few years we were together my hubbys ex had a man in her life and they were all friends, this bothered me a little because sometimes we would say something that we wished the other would not have heard. The man in her like popped the question and suddenly she was engaged and when asked when the big day was she would laugh and say when Bill and I get a divorce.

Time went on and they split up and another man entered her life and a few months later it was yipee I'm engaged to whomever and once more when she was asked about the big day she said the same thing. Of course during all this time the children have birthdays ans their youngest son was turning 18. They were going to celebrate in a bar and I was invited but not from the start it was an add on invite so I stayed home. After hours I called hubby to see how the b-day boy was enjoying his party and he was passed out but hubby was there drinking with the ex.....grrrrr i was upset. I waited half an hour and called him again and he was still drinking with her he tried to lie but her voice is all I could hear on the phone because she was sitting so close. She also said did she call to scream at you again to him. That was it no more being nice I stopped all contact with her. Son was old enough to go and see her so for almost 2 years we have had family functions without her being invited and the kids and I were actually bonding. The her dad got sick and dies and her mom got sick next thing I know on fathers day I answer the door and its her and her mom, what am I supposed to do the kids invited her. I sucked it up.

Then I planned a birthday party for hubby for last Friday, he said he had invited a few friends from work and the day before his birthday his son said he had asked his mom to come, and then the same day daughter called and she said her mom was getting so excited to be coming she was in party mood. Not only did they show up so did hubbys mom who is a charm. When she saw her come in I immediately got up and started dishes because they needed more seats at the table soon the patio door was shut so nothing could be hear at the table just laughter. My almost mother in law came out and grabbed a towel to help do dishes and when the almost ex put her dirty dishes in my sink my hubbys mom almost lost her composure.

The she and her mom went into the livingroom where she grabbed a microphone and started karaoking with their 21 year old son but that didn't last long so she calls and calls my hubby so he can sing with her and guess what songs she wanted to sing duets just her and hubby singing love songs to one another. I was so mad I went downstairs to do laundry, hubby said it was too much so he went outside with the younger kids for a few minutes. While I was downstairs everyone cleared out and she was saying goodbye to everyone .

I tried to enjoy myself for the rest of the evening but the boys decided to play some hard rock and they know I can't stand it bit for some reason for about an hour. they were screaming into the mikes and my headache just kept getting worse. I finally told hubby to shut karaoke off for 20 minutes so I could take my meds and go to sleep. I woke up at 2:30 am and suggested to the hubby and the kids it was bedtime .

Of course once more during the evening I heard to say when asked about her fiance there was no hurry for the wedding because legally she is married to my hubby. OK I've had ENOUGH!!!! My hubby sometimes is so obtuse, when I explained to him she can not marry because they are still married he said oh well when she really wants it she'll ask. Not good enough for me anymorel I told him he is going to give her something that will let her move on with her plans. I think as long as she is married to my hubby she will move in with boyfriends and he will continue to live in the past Hubby has tomorrow off tomorrow I'm going to ask iif he will go file for divorce Maybe then she and the family can start living their own lives. I know this will make na feel better,

Sorry this is so long I really needed to vent it all out I am tired of wasting tears. Hubby is also fed up but its with me for beeing jealous but thats who I am. Maybe when things actually start rolling I can tolerateso much amd thats the end for me. Thank you for reading my rant. Hopefully putting it out there will help calm me dawn

firebird227
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 7/25/2011 3:57 AM (GMT -6)   
I think I can place where your feelings are coming from but I'm a little confused. Is your hubby married to you AND this other woman at the same time? I just want to understand what's going on and why she can't get married like she seems to want.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 7/25/2011 8:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Grandmaroses,

I can see your point. Enough id enough. I would make him get that divorce so that you can get the ex out of your life. You are very kind to her and she is taking advantage of the situation. Sounds like she needs to get a life. I hope that your man starts divorce proceedings soon. It is time.

Best wishes to you. Keep posting. I hope that it helps.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

grandmaroses
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 1355
   Posted 7/25/2011 10:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Sorry I was not as clear as possible. My hubby and I have lived common-law for 11 years before that we were friends for about 5 years. During the entire time we have been together he has been married to her they have been married for 20 years but only lived together for less than 3 years. When I met him he was living with a different woman but that fell apart during that time we were friends and after a couple of years of him being "single" we started seeing one another differently and became a couple. The problem I have with her is she still considers herself as his wife and she invades all of our family time yet she keeps her end totally separate from us. Her father recently passed away and my hubby went to the funeral out of respect and I was asked to stay home and babysit the grandchildren. He was invited to the boys graduation services but not me and of course I have pics of them as a family, grrr.

He needs to do this divorce she has proven she won't. Then she can remarry and someone else can deal with it. I love my man but this is driving me to insanity and needs to be fixed. He has the next 2 days off I am going to see if he will file and get it done.
Take care
Rose



Insulin Dependant Diabetic, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, IBS, Sleep Apnea, COPD, Spondylolistesis, Diabetic Neuropathy, Fatty Liver, High Cholesterol

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 7/25/2011 11:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I am glad that you are going to talk to him about this. It is time for him to file. My sister was living in a similar situation. He finally started the divorce, but I hope that he didn't wait too long. She has moved into a mission now. She didn't feel that the situation was right and moved on. But hopefully they will get back together. He really is a great guy. Just didn't get that divorce in time.

I hope that you man does so that you two can have a life of your own. You don't need the aggrivation of her anymore. It is hard playing second fiddle when you should be first string. I understand your frustration.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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