I fell completly off the earth

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Br33ann3
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/25/2011 1:55 PM (GMT -6)   
cry  hello im new on here. i jus found out about this website just by surfing the web. i just needed a place where i could atleast tlk to someone. i am only 16 years old and i have been very depressed for most of my life. the thing is i feel like im on my own my mother stopped taking care of me a long time ago. i have one pair of tennis shoes that i own and i only have a duffle bag full of shirts and like three pairs of pants. i had to beg my mom for two years to get me some under wear i wouldnt even have them now if my sister wouldnt have said something to my mother and plus she got the wrong size.(she dosent really kno much about me and i lived with her for 16 years). there were times when me and my little siblings didnt have anything to eat because there were no food stamps. my dad gave her 40$ dollars and she used it to get cigaretes and beer. everyday of my life i have to sit in the house thinkn of how i want my life to be better because i cant go outside and have fun with my friends. i have to sit in the house and watch my mothers kids while she goes out to party and stay out as late as she wants. me growing up i watched my mom be abused by every man she ever loved and still to this day she still is around these men. recently i fell in love with this guy that im still with today nd he trys his best to get me atleast some of the stuff that i need. i really dont want to depend on him bt hes all that i have right now. its really hard for me to get a job because my mom wont let me. so i wud skip school and go look for a job because i needed the money. i never got hired yet. i began to skip school alot because every one around me made me feel stupid or dumb or slow. i cud look in the mirror and tell my self im not pretty and that im fat. i have such a low self asteem because i been picked on and tease for so long with no one to even tlk to and no one was even tryna tell me they love me or i was beautiful or smart. i began to feel dead and lost. i carved a heart in my leg to feel loved. it faded away. i even tried to drown myself in the tub once but i cudnt bare to stay under long enough to finish myself away. i began to smoke cigaretes to keep myself calm. i wud jus stay in my room away from every one. i wud still skip school to go over my boyfriends house because thats where i felt comfrotable and loved and i was happy bt that time wud end and then i wud have to go home again. my mother would leave all day from the morning while we were sleep and then come back the next morning without ansering her phone. i asked her why didnt she anser her phone/ what if there was an emergency? she told me that she likes to go out. so the school finaly calls my mom and tells her that i have been skiiping alot and i come home one day and she jumps on me and starts punching me and she slapped me in my face and tried to slam my head on the floor and she began to kick me with her tennis shoes on. then she sent me up stairs to clean my room because we were being evicted. my back really hurted i had bruses for a week. the whole time i was siting in my room i either wanted to die right there or just run away. my mom left that evening and so i began to plan my exscape i ranaway to my boy friends house because i didnt kno where to turn to i felt lost and i just wanted to feel safe and loved again. i was gone for about two months befor my boyfriend went to jail to get his life back together so he wud be able to provide for me and take care of me. i felt so hurt but i knew this is how it had to be so we cud take care of each other. my dad found out where i was and he came and got me. he feels that i shud be on punishment and he sides with my mom and he said i deserved to get beat up the way i did by my mother. i couldnt believe what he was saying to me. and now im back at step one im depressed more then i was before i feel trapped and i have to stay in the house until he says i can go outside and hes not taking care of me either hes is not buying me clothes either or giving me money to spend. i dnt have no way to tlk to anyone i jus feel so lonely and stuck i jus want to curl in a lil ball and cry all day and night. i dnt even want to eat. i have no one to help me everyone is agaisnt me.................................im on my own until my boyfriend comes home...........dont think anyone will ever understand me or be on my side

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/25/2011 2:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I want to welcome you to the HealingWell Depression forum.

I need to ask, what is your boyfriend in jail for? You said it would help the two of you, but there is a reason that he is in jail and that is important to know for me. He must of done something against the law to get there.

You shouldn't have to live under such circumstances. Your mother should be takiing care of you kids instead of spending the money on beer and cigarettes. And she has no right to hit you and kick you. If I were you, I would call "child protective services" and get an investigation going. At least then you and your siblings would have a good place to live. You might get split up though, I am not sure. But they try to keep the children together.

I am sorry for what you are going through. It feels bad to feel unloved. I hope that things get better for you. And know that you are not ugly. None of us are. Do you go to any counseling? I ask that because it is so important to have somebody to talk to. A counselor would help you with your living situation too.

Keep posting and know that we all care about you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

SilentSinger
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/26/2011 3:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I really hope that you are okay. your story is so sad. Your mum and dad should love and protect you, they are responsible for your well being and you have every right to expect that of them, not only for yourself but for your sibling too. The things you describe would be treated as neglect and maybe child abuse here in the uk. and we have a thing called childline where you can make a call to sombody who will help you. Are you affraid to contact sombody for help incase you mum or dad beat you up again? I have just found a number, 1-800-422-4453. and have cut this from their wbsite...

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CALL 1-800-4-A-CHILD? (1-800-422-4453)

A counselor will answer and say "Childhelp Crisis Counselor, how may I help you?
Then the Counselor will listen to whatever is bothering you and will (try to) answer your questions.
The Counselor will ask you questions to be sure he/she understands what you are saying.
The Counselor's goal is to help you find some things you can do to get help such as speaking to a friend, relative, teacher or school counselor.
If you are in danger, the Counselor will help you contact someone such as Child Protective Services, or the police. If needed the Counselor will stay on the phone until you are receiving help.

I really hope this helps you. keep posting and let me know you are okay.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/26/2011 4:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for posting these numbers
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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