Suffering by myself

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Sensei 1
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/25/2011 12:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, this is the first time I have ever logged onto a site like this.  I am from South Africa and English is not my first language, so please mind my grammar!
 
For too long, I have tried to keep quiet about my Bipolar depression.  My husband is supportive, but after 3 years I can feel that he is being fed up with it.  My mother doesn't understand it; in fact, she is scared by it.  I was on medication and psychiatric care, but I opted out more than a year ago.  I am almost 34, my kids are age 8 and 5, and they don't deserve a mommy who is constantly on drugs.  I became depending on sleeping pills, ended up in  my backyard vomiting my guts out and also in hospital.  My eldest son started to fall behind in school, the household was really disrupted. 
 
Well, since I have stopped medication, I can feel that I am about to loose control.  I chose to stop seeing my psychiatrist, but now it has become clear to me that I am about to loose my mind.  All I can do is to drag myself forward, day by day.  I get irritated with everything, I don't like to go out in public - when I do I get anxiety attacks, or can't sleep at night and shake while sleeping, sending my husband in a tiff, I am picking up weight, I cry ALL THE TIME, the smallest thing feels like a huge deal, I am constantly nauseous and I get terrible migraines - the list goes on and on, I am sure most of you can relate. VIEW IMAGE
 
My problem is this: My psychiatrist will not want to start me back on medication, before I don't agree to spend another 3 weeks in a clinic, "for observation".  But I don't have the energy for probing questions and sessions with psychologists and therapists, let alone sharing a room with 4 / 5 other women in the clinic.  I have done this twice before, always believing I am doing it to get well and to be a better mom to my kids, but I don't think I can do this again.  I am too nervous to get back on meds, in case I overload again (taking three in stead of 1, then 4, then a handful, then just wishing I was dead or can go on sleeping forever.)  In fact, i am fantasising about sleeping all the time, even now and it's not healthy.  I am clever enough to know this.  I truly want to get betterm but I don't know how.  I have tried doing it on my own, but I can't.  And I can't do it on "their" terms, with hospitilisation and medication.
 
Has anyone gone through this before, and do you have any advise for me please?
As soon as I talk to my husband about it, he nowadays soon starts seeing lights, getting dizzy and will be displaying anxiety symptoms himself, as if I am not the only one allowed to be bipolar / depressed.  He was always the strong one and I suppose I could just lay it on him, but now it feels like after 3 years I have to hide it from him, as if he is judging me.  I am probably being paranoid, but really, I feel like I can't go on anymore, can't talk to anyone about it and as if I am about to trow something from frustration!
 
Thank you!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 7/25/2011 1:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there...

Welcome to the forum. I highly advise you to go back to the psychiatrist and give this one more try. There are a lot of new meds out there today and there might be something that can help you now.

Why do you take more meds than prescribed? You shouldn't do that. It is not good. Take exactly as prescribed. Taking more isn't going to help you. It will just make you sick. If the doctor needs to up your dose, he/she will.

I really hope that you start to feel better soon. Hopefully when you do, your husband will too.

I wish for you a good day.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 7/25/2011 2:58 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Gettingby, Sensei1, however, I would suggest that you
see a different psychiatrist--one who doesn't want you to go into multiple people counseling while you are under such stress. You need
the quietness and stability of a one-on-one counseling with an excellent psychiatrist. Who knows? He might even want you to take a different medication.

Most of us have been on two or three different medications before we got the right combination that did the job to calm the emotions and
ease the anxiety and depression. There's really no need for you to have to endure the feelings you have right now. I'd get in to see a new doctor as soon as possible.

It's good that you can get this out to people as you are here on the
forum. Keep working at it as you talk to your good doctor and find
the right meds to do their work for you.

Let us know how you get along in the weeks ahead.

Take care of yourself,

It's Genetic

Sensei 1
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/26/2011 1:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you. I sincerely appreciate your advise. The only obstacle is that I live in a small town, about 150km from the nearest large town / city. There are only GP's in my town. nevertheless, I will make an appointment (they are booked so long in advance, I will probably only be able to see someone late next month - maybe I can get a cancellation!)

Thanks for the motivation.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 7/26/2011 3:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sensei,
 
Here are a couple of sites that might help you and they are free.
 
 
 
This might be able to help you out until you see somebody.
 
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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