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ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/28/2011 1:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi all,

I m i n love with a guy n He loves me 2......I don wanna leave him but I Have to......:( :( I feel I have no other way..
can anyone help me?how can I get over it?? I don wanna let any other guy to fill his empty place in my life...I don want it that He becomes only a memory 4 me........but I cant stay with him :( what can I do? can anyone help plz?
I m waiting for a miracle....waiting is killing me..how can I be sure that my decision is right..? how can I keep my decision?

plz give me some advice
sorry 4 writing 2 emotional...

Nil

bambola_2nv
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 7/28/2011 1:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Well why do you have to leave him? If both of you love eachother than why leave?:
"Giving up is not an option"

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/28/2011 1:39 PM (GMT -6)   
To bambola_2nv

In fact it s complicated,he is in love with another girl 2...n they ve got married,he was in a situation that he had to get married...he didn have much space to choose btw me n her,n even if he had, he couldn choose.....

I ve tried alot to convince myself that I can live with him...but the fact that he is married is hurting me soo much,also I feel guilty,I kinda feel I m destorying that girl's life if I stay with him...

He doesn want me to leave him...

:( :( :(

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 7/28/2011 1:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Aren't the married couple living together? Why did he have to marry her? Do they have a child? If they do, I think it only fair of you to step back and see if this situtaion works out. Which it sounds like that is what you are doing. If it is meant to be between you and him, it will. But that could be a ways in the future. I am sorry that this is working out the way that it is but you are doing the right thing by leaving and letting them see how it will work out. I hope for the baby's sake (if that is the circumstance) that it works out for whatever is best. And I hope for you too.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/28/2011 2:34 PM (GMT -6)   
To moderator:
well...
They live together,they don have any child yet but i think they r trying to have one bcz i know the girl wants it as soon as possible...
the story is this,he had met that girl abt 5 years ago(they love each other) n they had decided to get married,but they had many barriers bcz of families n it was nt happening.after 2 years he met me,he thought that his relationship with that girl wouldn work,so he continued his relationship wid me n we fell in love....but after one year the marriage process btw him n her started again(in fact it had never stopped befor but he felt it wouldn work) n they finally married.(he couldn stop the marriage bcz he loves that girl,and also that girl had fought wid her family 4 abt 4 years to marry him.so he didn want to hurt her )
i should also add that we both live in eastern families(middle east),it might help u to understand our circumstance better....
thanks...

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/28/2011 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
getting by said...
Aren't the married couple living together? Why did he have to marry her? Do they have a child? If they do, I think it only fair of you to step back and see if this situtaion works out. Which it sounds like that is what you are doing. If it is meant to be between you and him, it will. But that could be a ways in the future. I am sorry that this is working out the way that it is but you are doing the right thing by leaving and letting them see how it will work out. I hope for the baby's sake (if that is the circumstance) that it works out for whatever is best. And I hope for you too.

Hugs, Karen


To moderator:
well...
They live together,they don have any child yet but i think they r trying to have one bcz i know the girl wants it as soon as possible...
the story is this,he had met that girl abt 5 years ago(they love each other) n they had decided to get married,but they had many barriers bcz of families n it was nt happening.after 2 years he met me,he thought that his relationship with that girl wouldn work,so he continued his relationship wid me n we fell in love....but after one year the marriage process btw him n her started again(in fact it had never stopped befor but he felt it wouldn work) n they finally married.(he couldn stop the marriage bcz he loves that girl,and also that girl had fought wid her family 4 abt 4 years to marry him.so he didn want to hurt her )
i should also add that we both live in eastern families(middle east),it might help u to understand our circumstance better....
thanks...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 7/28/2011 3:27 PM (GMT -6)   
If it were here, I would say he is just keeping you on the side. But being it is where you are, I don't understand the arrangements, but it seems often you can't choose the one that you love. I don't know. Know that if he stays married to her, you wont have him fully. He will be living with her and making a family. And you will still be on the outside. I think it is all in what you want. If you want a relationshiip, maybe you should look elsewhere. If you can live being second choice, then I guess you would keep things the way that they are. But I think in time, you would resent the situation. Can he get a divorce??? Would he???

I am sorry that things are the way that they are for you. It sounds like you really care about this guy. I hope that the two of you can be together if that is what you both want.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/28/2011 4:28 PM (GMT -6)   
getting by said...
If it were here, I would say he is just keeping you on the side. But being it is where you are, I don't understand the arrangements, but it seems often you can't choose the one that you love. I don't know. Know that if he stays married to her, you wont have him fully. He will be living with her and making a family. And you will still be on the outside. I think it is all in what you want. If you want a relationshiip, maybe you should look elsewhere. If you can live being second choice, then I guess you would keep things the way that they are. But I think in time, you would resent the situation. Can he get a divorce??? Would he???

I am sorry that things are the way that they are for you. It sounds like you really care about this guy. I hope that the two of you can be together if that is what you both want.

Hugs, Karen


well....
I don really know what I can do....I know that he also loves that girl n he will do his best to keep his life with her.....
btw that girl is nt accepting me in his life,even if i decide to stay with him the way it is now,I ll still bad bcz she doesn want it n i know how it hurts.
I don know how much it is a good idea to wait for years to make sure that their marriage will work n they wont get divorced...in fact I feel I can never convince myself that there s NO hope....I don know how I ll feel after many years if I wait 4 him n get nothing.infact I m scared of my future.it s so vague.I have not made any serious decision in my life n every part of my life is so vague....so waiting gets hard 4 me.

thanks 4 reply

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 7/28/2011 6:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I am confused. If they are living together, how do you stay there when she doesn't want you there? If he is going to be with her, I would get a life outside of him. Find somebody else. It is clear that you wont have him. He is with her. Really you need to find a man that you can have.

Somebody else will come along in time.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/30/2011 1:29 PM (GMT -6)   
getting by said...
I am confused. If they are living together, how do you stay there when she doesn't want you there? If he is going to be with her, I would get a life outside of him. Find somebody else. It is clear that you wont have him. He is with her. Really you need to find a man that you can have.

Somebody else will come along in time.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen


Hmmm...
can you please tell me exactly that why do u think i should go out of his life?
and how can I recover?in fact I ve broken up with him mayb more than 20 times but each time me or him cant resist n we start again....

Thanks

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 7/30/2011 2:31 PM (GMT -6)   
If you are satisfied with this relationship as is, then there is no problem. But you have posted this on a depression forum, so I took it that you weren't happy with the relationship because he is married. Here when you sleep with a married man it is considered adultry and is bad. Though people do it all the time.

Are you enticing him and that is why he can't resist? Why doesn't he just divorce his wife and be with you? But if you are happy with the way that it is, there really isn't a problem. Just remember you wont be first in his life. And it looks like he is using you. But that is just the way that I see it from what you have told me.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/30/2011 3:01 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks for reply..
I m not satisfied with this relationship the way it is,i m just trying to make sure that it's the right thing to leave him because i know i wont be satisfied away from him too.
can you tell me what do you mean by enticing exactly?
btw he doesn divorce her because he loves his wife too as i explained this in first posts.

Thanks

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 7/30/2011 3:55 PM (GMT -6)   
When I said enticing, I guess I meant are you doing anything to lead him on to make him want you? I didn't know if he was coming to you on his own or if you were doing things to get him there. It really doesn't matter who is making the first move, but if you weren't trying to get him there, I wondered if he would stay with his wife. Just something I was curious about.

Nobodynew is right in saying that it doesn't sound like he wants to be with you long term, and he is using you. And you will get over this in time. Here what you are doing isn't ethical. In otherwords, it is wrong. But then again, it happens. But I think I have said this all before. You can end this if you want to. You don't have to see this man if you don't want to. There will most likely be children in this relationship. They need a stable home. I wouldn't want to be a part of this if I were you.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/31/2011 3:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Well.....
I think I didn give you enough information,that s why you think like this about him.at least I believe in his love n believe that I m not a "backup" girl for him.
but anyway I ve decided to stay away from him,n stop being in touch with him (I ve tried this many times before but I must try again,I have no other way :( )
I ve decided to write short reports of my days away from him in a new post,maybe it ll help me keep my decision, this time.
dont you have any suggestion for me?
Thanks

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 7/31/2011 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   
The only thing I know Ni is that it takes time to get over somebody that you love. But I do think he is using you. And being that he is probably going to start a family makes it that much more complicated as there are children involved. They need a stable family. They need to feel safe. They need a mom and a dad. You wouldn't want anybody to do this to your family I don't think. So don't do it to her. Think about his wife and put yourself in her shoes. I think that will give you a better perspective. So it is down to this. If you want to be second fiddle, then keep seeing him, but remember if she finds out and they get a divorce, you can be sued as a corespondant. Or stop seeing him and get on with your life. It isn't going to be easy. I know that. But this is your decision. Maybe talk to a counselor about this. they could help you to move on with your life.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/31/2011 4:10 PM (GMT -6)   
I don agree that he is using me,i havent told you whole story.it s nt like what you think now.she knows about our relationship n she let me be in his life untill I can get strength n go away.but anyway I don want to discuss it nw.

I ve put myself in her shoes again n again,days,months...n that s one reason i m leaving him

I hope that we can resist the pain this time.
Thanks for ur replies.
Ni

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 7/31/2011 4:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I know this is hard for you. Some relationships can continue even with the other woman knowing. If she let you stay in his life until you got strength, I think that was cool of her.

I hope that this works out for you, but I still think you deserve somebody you can have for your own that you don't have to share. Keep your chin up. What ever is meant to be will be. Who knows, it might work out. I don't know the whole situation like you said.

But know it all takes time, and if you leave it is going to take time for you to heal. Be patient with yourself. Be good to yourself.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 8/2/2011 2:18 PM (GMT -6)   
I need help :(((

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 8/2/2011 2:52 PM (GMT -6)   
What's going on ni? What can we do to help?

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 8/2/2011 3:11 PM (GMT -6)   
it s night here,n when it s night,life gets so meaningless to me,i feel ...i cant stop my mind from thinking,i jst wanna turn off myself ...:((

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/2/2011 4:50:24 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 8/2/2011 4:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Ni Please get ahold of somebody now. 
 
Here are some resources for you:
 
National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.
Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
SuicidalTeens.com
 
We aren't allowed to discuss suicide on  this forum, but I hope that you call this number or go to one of those sites.  If you have a crisis hotline in your area, get that.  Or go to the hospital.  Call somebody now.
 
I am thinking of you,
 
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ni
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 8/3/2011 12:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much for ur support
I could pass another hard night,but nights continue to come..

Thanks

Jaiman
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 8/3/2011 3:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes i believe nights continue to come - but life must go on.

When we are young we fall a lot and when we grow we are afraid. Fearfull of the fact that how society will judge us. I know easier said then done but try to think what is logical. And don't let your life stop, you have worked very had for it and you can't just waste it.

Be strong and fight. God be with you. Always
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