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netball
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Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 7/30/2011 11:49 PM (GMT -6)   
hi, i havent been on here for a wee while. been really busy with other stuff. i have been really down lately. i mean, with nana and stuff. im 13 and i understand whats going on with her and all that, but i just cannot accept that its happening to her. the one i live for. i dont even know how to say how i feel. just really really sad. upset. hurt. angry and all that sorta stuff. i wanna run away and just forget about everything. but i cant. ive tried to think about other things, do other things to get my mind off nana but nothing is working and its getting me down!!!!! i wanna be strong for nana. but i cant. its too hard to handle.
my mates keep asking me whats wrong and if im ok. but because its been the holidays and they have just been texting me, i can just say im ok. but tomorrow school is starting again. i dont wanna go. but i have to.
school, thats another issue for me. ever since my ''cell'' experience, i am on a close eye with all the teachers. they are always sitting me down and asking me if im ok. its nice they care and everything but its really annoying! i find that with all the work that i get, its really hard for me to cope with it all. and to complete it is hard as well. homework especially. because i have something on every day after school, the only day i have free is a sunday. and i have to clean the house on that day.
lately, i have been really scared as well because my stepfather has been doing some things he should be doing privately right  in front of me. because of what he has done to me before, i fear its going to happen again. i feel on edge all the time. i find it hard to get a good nights rest as well.
my life just feels like its falling around me and i dont know what to do anymore!!!!! cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused confused

Post Edited (netball) : 7/30/2011 10:53:20 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 7/31/2011 9:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Is your step dad being inappropriate in front of you. Have you told your mom? Will she believe you? You can talke to your dad about this too, It is not right. You shouldn't have to go through this.

Keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

netball
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 7/31/2011 2:24 PM (GMT -6)   
yes he is. and mum wont believe me.

BlueMoon878
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 7/31/2011 3:10 PM (GMT -6)   
That's a lot of stuff to be dealing with at the same time. I feel like depression can definitely make it harder to talk to friends (at least that's been my experience), but maybe it's worth using them as an outlet. They clearly care about you if they're texting and calling you. They want to make sure you're OK; if you're not OK, tell them they can help by lending you their ears (or shoulders to cry on).

It must be incredibly scary that your mom doesn't believe what you tell her. Could you go to someone else? A teacher? Neighbor? Trusted family member? Maybe if your mom hears it from someone else too she'll have an easier time wrapping her head around it. You definitely should not have to shoulder all this burden alone. You have the right to feel comfortable and safe in your own house. If someone makes you feel unsafe or scared, you should tell someone. Any consequences of you telling someone are better than silently enduring abuse or living in constant fear of it.

You are incredibly strong for coming here and sharing what you're dealing with. I hope you know that there are people all over who are on your side, care about your well-being, and who want you to be happy, healthy, stable. Hang in there.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 7/31/2011 4:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Please talk to your dad and stepmom. Or your counselor. I will shoot you an email soon.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

netball
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 8/1/2011 12:49 AM (GMT -6)   
nobodynew: nana has cancer and is not going well at all. she is on kemo pills and morfine. she has a week left of the kemo pills and if nothing changes (hasnt so far and been a week) then she will not take them any longer and she will go very very quickly. if some miracle happens and she improves then she will have a few months or so to live. either way, its hard for her and others who love her very much. and my step dad isnt abusing me. but he is holding back from staring at me inappropriately and m*******ting in front of me. it makes me feel uncomfortable. and sick. the school thing i can sort of under stand though. not long ago, i got taken into the cells as a safety precaution because i was having extremely negative thoughts and they got out there. but thats all im going to say about that.

i will be telling my councillor about it all when i next see her and i'll go from there. he isnt touching me or anything which is good because he has done previously. im probably just over reacting. i cannot cope well with anythiong at the moment with nana. she is all that is on my mind really. anyway, ima stop blabbing.

thnx for listening guys

-jess

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 8/1/2011 8:28 AM (GMT -6)   
You aren't over reacting, what he is doing is very inappopriate, and just plain wrong. I am glad that you are going to talk to your counselor.

Many hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 8/1/2011 9:39 AM (GMT -6)   
It's good that you'll be talking with your counselor, about this, that's very important.
I hope the treatments are helping your nana, so you can maybe spend some more time
with her, many prayers to you and your nana...I know it can be hard but don't get too angry
about your nana for having cancer, I'm sure she'd rather be with you, maybe go to
a library or book store and get a book on grief, it might help you to redirect your anger...
many prayers and well wishes...
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* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
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netball
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 8/1/2011 2:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Chareux: nana lives far away from me so i cannot see her very often. i have text her and kept the last texts we have sent eacother because i dont wanna delete them. i want them saved to my phone forever. the last conversation we had. the last thing i have said to her is i love you. keep hoping. i hope thats not the last time i say that to nana! :(

thank you karen. i will email you.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 8/1/2011 3:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Let me relate a little story to you.

about 26 years ago when I was in the 10th grade I got attacked by several people and in the process I was cut several times. Part of it was my fault as I was out very late at night and walking where I probably shouldn't and I was afraid if I went to the police or told anyone what happened I would be the one to get in trouble. When I got home I patched myself up the best I could and the next day I went to school. I was tired and sore and angry that day and when a friend seen the big bandage on my arm just above my wrist they asked my what happened and I just popped off..."What do you think". Next thing I know I am in the principles office, my parents called, etc and everyone thinking I am suicidal. At that point no one would listen to what really happened and I spent the next 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital's mental health ward. When I got back to school every adult in that school from the principle to the janitors watched me like all the time and it got too much to handle. I ended up making arrangements to move in with some cousins who lived in another state hoping that I could just get back to being me. Well my "reputation" followed me and it was much the same thing. I was watched all the time.

I finally opened up to a teacher I felt I could talk to about how all this made me feel. We then went to see a guidance counselor and the principle and after having a long talk it a compromised was reached. I agreed to stop in and see the counselor once a day at a set time and let him know how things were going and in exchange they would tell the staff I had a clean bill of mental health and was in no danger of hurting myself or others.

At the end of that school year I returned home and the next year things started up with my being watched again so I repeated the process I did at the school I had attended while living with my cousins. I went and talked to a teacher I liked and told him how all this made me feel and we went and spoke to the principle and got the watch dogs called off.

This is what I suggest you do. open up to whomever you feel you can at your school, be it a teacher, and counselor, or even the principle directly and let them know how you are feeling about everything from being watched to what is going on in your life, etc and tell them you want their help, understanding, and support to make things better.

While I am sure the teachers and other school staff are doing what they are doing because they care about you they probably do not understand how it is making you feel, and they won't until you tell them.

As far as being brave and strong for your Nana, there are all kinds of ways to do this. Acting like rock is really not one of them. The best way to do it is to be human, show you care and how important she is to you and how much you value the time you have had with her. Make sure she knows how much you love her and that no matter how things turn out you will carry her with you in your heart for the rest of your life. I know you said you do not get to see her much, but maybe you can sit down and write her a letter and tell her these things and recount stories of the times you have been together that mean a lot to you.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 8/1/2011 3:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Jim1969,

Thank you so much for sharing. I know it will mean a lot to Jess. And I know it took a lot to do. You are very kind.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

netball
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 8/1/2011 4:00 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you for sharing ur story with me. but its not the same. i cannot open up to anyone, its too late. you dont understand. but thnx for trying. much appreciated.

jess

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 8/2/2011 11:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Netball,

My heart goes out to you, I think you are so brave sharing this information with us after it has remained hidden for so long.

I very much agree with what the others have said, what your Step Dad is and has been doing is very very wrong, and you should never have had to go through that, and shouldn't be dealing with it now.

Do you have younger sisters at home? Or younger neighbours?

I know how hard it is to speak up against a parent, the inner conflict between telling and wanting to remain loyal to them. But, if it was me, I would speak up for sure, if not for me, for any other little person that maybe hurt by him in time to come.

I really hope on Fri you find the courage to speak up with your counsellor, once you have got the information out, ask all the questions you need to, gather all the information you can so you are completely aware of what will happen with the information you have shared.

You have already been through so much, and I completely trust that you will be strong enough to bring this out in the open, I am really pleased you have someone you can trust to do this with.

Be alert at home, you are in my thoughts

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 8/2/2011 12:16 PM (GMT -6)   
And as an after thought,

I live in Wgtn, where Nana lives, if you want to write her a letter or an email and send it to me, I will happily go and visit her, and either hand it over on your behalf, or read it to her if she is having a tough day. GB has my email address, and I am saying it's ok for her to give it to you.

I do wish I lived closer to you, so I could be there as support for you on Fri and see the day through with you. Please do let us know what happened when you are able to, I can see by this thread, many people are right behind you and holding positive thoughts for you.

Lil one, be strong, find courage, don't be scared, we are just here waiting, just a key board away.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 8/2/2011 12:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Awty,

That is so sweet, and I will make sure that she gets your email address.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 8/2/2011 1:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks GB, will be back in two days, looking forward to an update, take care of each other guys, you are a very special group here

netball
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 8/2/2011 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
awty- thnx for the thought. much much appreciated but for the mean time im going to leave it. i have emailed her. so down its not funny. this will be the last time i post or talk to ANYONE for a wee while. in desperate need of an rest. not just nana but other crap too. that i dont wanna say. thnx so much for all the comments and support guys.

-Jessica
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