Sad, cant function

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Sc0tt
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/1/2011 5:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi - I haven't posted for years because I guess I have felt "okay" but lately I do not feel okay, I feel nothing but sad, useless, stupid, lonely, .... I get no joy out of anything... the only thing that keeps me going are my children and knowing that I have to be here for them. I am married too but that is a dysfunctional relationship, I feel emotionally abused, but I am not sure if its insecurity that makes me feel that... but I dont think so because I sense this abuse all the time and its not just me, I see it in the faces of my kids. I still work 2 jobs, pay the bills, do this and that but I feel increasingly less able to function. I do not have access to any medical care accept county and I tried that for depression but they just rolled their eyes at me, gave me a script for something that made me sleep for 3 days (elavil?) I use (arthritis)/abuse pain killers that I get from other sources to yes, numb myself. Trying to function through various financial issues, operating the house in the red, home mod and maybe foreclosure, other stuff.

So I guess my purpose here is to not feel so alone. I posted allot here years ago, then forgot my login and had to start over just a few years ago so here I am again. I got great support before and honestly this was the only place I ever felt safe for a long time. I have to do this (posting, reading) in secret too, I am sneaking time at work right now, and if I did this at home OMG if my wife found out she would... not be happy, I shudder to think.

So thank you...

ByTheWay
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 8/1/2011 6:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Your life is so like mine..I'm barely functioning, I think it's incredible you're working 2 jobs Scott, I could not do it. I know my husband wants me to work more than my part time but I feel I can barely do that one. You are not alone.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 8/1/2011 6:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Elavil will make you sleepy in the beginning, but then you level out as you get use to it. It takes a couple of weeks. If you go back to county and tell them it made you sleepy, maybe there is a chance that they will give you something else. Can you get counseling through county? It sounds like it would help you.

I sure do hope that you feel better soon. I am sorry that your wife is not supportive of you. But you need to do this for yourself to keep your sanity.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Sc0tt
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/1/2011 8:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks all... county medical facilities are just nightmarish, I make too much money for "obama-care" but not enough for real health insurance... I don't know why I feel ok (and I mean just ok, not good) for years and then it all gets so dark and heavy ... I feel strange things, like I was outside a few days ago and it was like it suddenly got darker, no clouds just this odd shift of perception, and then today I felt like panicking for a second and then it went away. I am home now and think I will go stare at tv until I pass out. My wife is out of town for a few days so I am free to post for now...

I dont know how I work so much, by the 10th hour today I could barely speak, some days are better than others ... my jobs are awful and my boss is like my wife in so many way's... mean, manipulative ... a whole other story

(thanks Bytheway for identifying... ) KIT, huh?

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 8/1/2011 10:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Scott: It sounds like you may be having a panic attack in addition to the depression. Which would make sense considering the amount of stress you are under. I am also going through something similar right now with my own home in imminent foreclosure so I understand what this severe, long-standing pressure can do to you.

You mentioned that you have never had this before. I know for myself this was my body's way of "handling" so much ongoing stress and emotions.

I know you are doing what you can to get help, so I have one last item to add that might just help a little more. I don't have health insurance either, and another moderator from this site (Kitt) told us about a way for us to get prescription drugs at a reduced price. It is not a gimmick or a scam. Go to www.needymeds.org and print out the card that looks like an insurance card. Carry it with you whenever you pick up a prescription. Most pharmacies will honor it. It has saved me a considerable amount of money.

Meanwhile, keep posting here whenever you can. We are here for you.

Cass

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 8/2/2011 5:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Cass,

I tried the needymed site and it didn't take me anywhere, maybe I typed it in wtong.
Either that or they stopped the program.

Scott, I sure do hope things get better. I know you have been struggling for a long time, and I agree, it sounds like you got a little anxiety going on.

Please do see somebody. Often, you can get help with the drug companys. Just type in their names and see if they have any plans for you. There might be something on the net to help you too. Also check in our depression resources, there is a lot of help there.

Hugs, Karen

PS:

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

These are two freee sites you might want to check out.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Sc0tt
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/2/2011 7:04 AM (GMT -6)   
I checked out moodgym... looks interesting, I recognize the need for help but putting myself out there to ask for it is a thing, I dont know.. I will keep trying... have to get ready for work now and I dread it more than usual ... boss belittled me yesterday, nothing new but it makes it hard the next day.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 8/2/2011 7:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Nobody deserves to be belittled. Even by your boss. But sometimes bosses get stressed and take it out on the first avaliable person.

I hope that your day at works goes well and I hope that moodgym is of some help.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Gemsi
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1050
   Posted 8/2/2011 7:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Karen, the needymed site worked ok for me, I went to look at it. The program is still running.

Sorry things are so hard in your life Scott, I hope you find a way to feel good again soon.

Gem x
Hey, I'm Gem with CF, age 25 and diagnosed at 2 years old. I'm from the UK and say weird things sometimes. I'm no expert but I've lived through a lot of CF stuff.
Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild Liver Cirrohsis, Mild Osteopenia, Erythema Nodosum. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type thing.

Sc0tt
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/2/2011 7:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone... I had to come back tot he computer, while I was getting ready I got a feeling of some hope.. it is good to hear kind words and encouragement, I don't normally get much of it... thank you..

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 8/2/2011 8:00 AM (GMT -6)   
I must have typed it in wrong, or maybe needed to refresh the page. I am glad that it is working. I will check mine against yours, I may have written it down wrong, that is me for ya. lol...

We are happy to be here for you Scott. That is what this site is all about. There are many here who care about you.

Hugs, Karen
 
This is the site that I had, maybe it is too long.   http://www.needymeds.org/drugcard/index.shtml
 
I see all of it didn't turn blue.  But the blue part should get you there.
 
 
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 8/2/2011 8:03:29 AM (GMT-6)


Gemsi
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1050
   Posted 8/2/2011 8:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Scott,

That is what this forum is about, people listening and understanding and believing in people. Keep posting and I'm sure it will be a place of hope, inspiration and support for you.

Karen, that link wont work because the important bit of it isn't blue. For a link to work, it needs at least www.needymeds.org

When I used Cass's link I cut and pasted rather than typed it. This link should now work?
 
 
Gem x

Post Edited (Gemsi) : 8/2/2011 8:49:39 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 8/2/2011 9:13 AM (GMT -6)   
I went to it and it does. Thank you so much Gems.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Sc0tt
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/2/2011 11:03 AM (GMT -6)   
I made the link work too and printed a card, just have to find a Dr. now.

I am at work again trying to be productive... its so hard to focus, I read earlier that is a symptom of depression, but I have to get some stuff done... so I better go try.

I really appreciate the site suggestions, they were so good and its hard to find such sites that aren't just trying to sell you something.

feel really anxious and dark today, trying to push past it and function

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 8/2/2011 11:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Scott: Not being able to focus is from the Depression. In fact that is how I am able to gauge on whether my own is getting better or worst.

I'm glad you were able to print the card out. At this point, anything you can save from prescriptions will be a help.

I don't know if this will work for you, but when I get very overwhelmed or have trouble concentrating I make a list of what I have to do and then break each item down into smaller tasks. I than look at each task individually and keep telling myself I can do that one small task. When it is done I take out a huge red marker and cross it out. ..Crossing it out just makes me feel real good.

I don't know if you have already tried this, but it is a trick that I use to refocus myself. Please know that you are not alone. I am going through this too and I truly understand how you are feeling. It will take time, but you can and will make it through this.

Cass

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 8/2/2011 11:50 AM (GMT -6)   
So happy that you got the card printed out. I hope that it helps you a lot.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Sc0tt
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/3/2011 5:42 AM (GMT -6)   
I hate mornings... I woke up and found a physically comfortable spot but now cant stand being in my head and have to get up... this isnt normal, im so sick of feeling like this it ive tried praying and I just feel cold and sad and I cant believe I have to go try to work again I don't want to feel this or anything right now I just need this to go away I have to dind something to do

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 8/3/2011 6:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Do keep your mind busy. That is the best thing thta you can do.

Know we care about you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Sc0tt
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/3/2011 8:14 AM (GMT -6)   
What is this dread and panic about now? I feel like something awful is about to happen. someone gave me some xanax, (zaneax?) like 5 pills and suggested I try taking a quarter of one to see if it helps, they said it could make me sleepy so to try the quarter... I know taking others meds isn't what your supposed to do but omg I have to have some relief somewhere, don't know what to do.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 8/3/2011 8:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Taking other people's meds is illegal. But you do need some relief. I can't tell you whether or not to take them. You should talk to your doctor about this. Get your own anti anxiety or anti depression meds. Be careful. I take xanax and it works for me. It takes the anxiety away. Please consult with your doctor about this.

He'/she is best qualified to make these decisions. You really need medical help. We all do. So don't feel ashamed or anything like that. Know you are doing it to get better.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Sc0tt
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/3/2011 4:54 PM (GMT -6)   
I know Karen, but my only option for medical is a county "free clinic" and they just dont take anyone seriously who they think might just be looking for scripts, which is pretty much anyone who goes there in pain or with a emotional/issue, been there, done that with the county. Not that I give up, I just have to keep looking for other places to go, I know of another clinic that I havent tried yet, so maybe I will try there next... just dont know how much $$$

So I went ahead and took the 1/4 xanax and it really seemed to help, I felt sleepy and disconnected for awhile but thats better than how I was feeling before I took it, so I may continue to take the 1/4 tabs as needed,... only have a few so who knows... It actually has kind of worn off now and I feel nervous again, better get back to work.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 8/3/2011 5:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Many mental health facilities will work on a sliding scale and help you out. I was just looking online for prescription help and there are many sites. I was surprised. And for brand name. And even for insurance copay help. The one I was looking at would give you three months worth at a time. Which is cool.

You have to keep looking on the internet. At least for prescription help. Often they start you out with samples so that helps too. Do check out the clinic. Talk to them and let them know money is an issue. Often you have to ask for the help. They don't offer it. I don't know why, but that was how my husband got on a prescription plan called tencon before we were married. They paid for the office calls and the prescriptions. You just have to inquire about it.

Hoping that everything works out for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

givinguponit24
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 8/4/2011 3:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Umm, just make a list with what you have to do. (Like Cassandra Lee said) Thats if you cannot think straight. (depressive symptom) I've been through all of this and know it all too well.
It stinks having this disorder but we all have to live with it. Don't be dependent on the medicines. There are other things that you may do to help benefit you.

Take for instance, If you have depression and are really sensitive to feelings, Go workout and sweat up a good sweat. I guarantee you will feel better. No sad symptoms will occur. But if you are in such bad shape that the depression doesn't go away because of the major depressive disorder that we face when we hit rock bottom then try writing or doing something that you like. Watch a movie or play a game.

When you hit anxiety thats a whole nother ballpark. Some say its related with depression but not really. Because when you have panic or nervousness your body's rhythm speeds up. But when you have depression your speed slows down. Just have to rely on your medicines for this type of disorder.

Thats all I have to say.
-Hugs Jeff
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Sc0tt
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/5/2011 11:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I overall dont feel any better today, but I feel better having resolved to swim instead of sink, I get little short lived rushes of hope so thats good... I have a handful of activities (books, internet, writing) that I am doing in the name of progress... still feel really lonely, my wife came back from her trip and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells again. I know this relationship is unhealthy, but I dont feel like I want to change it. butbutbut It doesn't mean I have to stay depressed or own the symptoms forever, so I will do what is in front of me to try to feel better. I think Im giving the meds a thumbs down... I dont know.

Thanks again guys, I have used many of your suggestions and will continue to post and look around......

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 8/6/2011 5:49 PM (GMT -6)   
hang in there scott, we are here for you. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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