Not sure how to deal with any of this

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/1/2011 10:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello HW.

I am 22 and an only kid. I used to have a brother but he died when i was 15, and my life pretty much went down hill from that. I am a girl, and I am engaged to another girl. I love her more than life and we have been together for 11 months. Due to a lot of issues form my past, I have major major trust issues, and it's making my life a hell. She doesn't know this, but I don't trust my gf. AT ALL. She does know that I don't trust her completely and she is willing to wait until I am there. She has lied to me in the past about 2 things, however they were not big and I have forgiven her. We have awesome plans together : Get married, have 3 kids, and grow old together. But I keep this thought in my head...that everything will fail. Not just with her, but my whole life.

My parent's think I am straight (I am bi). They HATE gays. My gf is gay and they hate her. They have suspected for a while that I am with her but I keep telling them that I am straight, so that I don't have to tell them yet. I will tell them when I move in with her so that they can't control my life anymore. It stresses me out very much though. I am constantly sad. I am VERY very happy for about 5 minutes of the day when I am with my gf, and then when those minutes of bliss are gone, my negative thoughts start to kick in. I am constantly feeling and thinking of the worst things possible. She said that she will be with me forever no matter what. I am scared though. I don't trust her, and I don't trust myself. I know my parents will hate me when I tell them about my relationship.

What I need more than anything is a distraction. I think... I'm not sure what to do, to stop feeling so sad all the time. I feel so alone 24/7 even thought I have someone who will share this life with me. I want to stop thinking, I need a distraction....something. I need to escape these feelings because they are killing me inside, and they are getting worse and worse.

Any suggestions?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 898
   Posted 8/1/2011 10:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Nine. Welcome to Healing Well. I'm so glad you found us.

You did a good job of explaining your trust issues and the effect they are having on your life right now. As you said, it sounds like you have a lot of reasons to feel this way. Unfortunately, as you are already experiencing, this is stopping you from being happy.

Have you ever tried counseling before? Having a good therapist or even minister to sit with might be a good way to sort through all of these feelings. While this may not be at the top of your list to do, feelings have an unfortunate and untimely way of resurfacing until we deal with them.

Meanwhile, keep posting here if you would like. The people in this forum are very supportive and like family. Hopefully, we can help you a little bit too.


Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20107
   Posted 8/1/2011 10:35 PM (GMT -6)   
welcome. i agree with cass about counselling. i am in long term therapy-best move i ever made and i feel it will really help you to. i write stuff down when i am feeling low, it helps. i walk as well. regardless of my bad back and legs, helps clear ya head. know that we care. with healing compassion 2 you nine. jamie.

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