Gettingby always comes in with the real solutions for many of the posters on the forum, and she's right because she has lived through years of depressive illness to come out on the other side into a mature marriage and enjoyment of her talents.
You have the same potential if you will apply your ability. I've often
understood marriage to be a relationship between two mature people who have independence in their lives and meet at some point with
their great love in a momentary time of intimacy and then go back to their solitude and independence.
The only way I was ever able to establish that was to take a religious
view of life: the protection of others, myself, and trying to love even
when the going got tough--and it does in every marriage at some
points in time. You have to believe in something greater than yourself in life to rely on for comfort, trust, assurance, and love of a high, enduring order.
Human love is wonderful in many ways but not necessarily the be-all and end-all. Thank goodness your spouse has directed his libido into something that's protective and helpful than into something negative and destructive. Gettingby is right; try to find something positive in his work and maybe you will, in time, enjoy it. Better yet, (for me) find something that you really like and enjoy. Do you play bridge? Or enjoy gardening, or painting, or development of your talent whatever it might be?
She is also right in suggesting that you get an effective counselor to work with you if the going gets really unbearable. I would say that you have a high percentage rate of success with the intelligence and quiet observance that you already have.
I wish you the best and hope you will continue to post as needed.
To the group on the forum: sorry I haven't been available to help
in the last several days but have had to testify in a trial regarding
an automobile accident 5 years ago when an uninsured motorist
caused me to be hospitalized with injuries and my insurance company
sued him since he caused them to expend over $50,000. in benefits for
me with my uninsured motorist's coverage.
Before it was over, both sides agreed with me about
it all, and
finally stopped looking for things. It was an education, let me tell you!
I've been resting for two days since! Ready to go again now to help
when you wish.
Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 8/6/2011 3:58:15 PM (GMT-6)