Needs a Hand to Hold

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Madi_baby6
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/7/2011 7:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Okay, I am a bit of a mess so just bear with me here. I recently came home from Iraq and got back together with my boyfriend. He has recently decided to join the Army Reserves. He is currently at basic and 17 days away from coming home. I cheated on him today. I don't know why and I have no excuse but I feel horrible about it. I can't tell him or anyone else so I needed to get that out. Aside from that I am also suffering from PTSD which makes my life that much more depressing and anxiety filled. I also am deathly afraid of becoming pregnant ever again, I had an abortion a year ago. I took the plan-B pill but I am still worried. I guess I really just needed to vent. Thanks for allowing me to post and if anyone else can sympathize please post but if you too just need a vent I am here to hold your hand too.
~LoveAintCheap~

DogGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 8/7/2011 8:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi I can sympathise, before I met my current boyfriend I really struggled with staying faithful to people. I didn't like becoming close to one person so they could hurt me so I would cheat to hurt them so I felt better. I use to also run away from the problem and not be straight forward and honest with the person when I had cheated. Now speaking from experience, my ex boyfriend cheated on me a lot, and because I honesly cared for him and hoped he wouldn't do it again I would forgive him, the worst part of the cheating though was when he didn't tell me himself and I had to find out from the girl he did it with, one of his friends, a text message or something. It made me feel like nothing because he couldn't even be bothered to tell me himself, and it hurt because not only did I feel betrayed but I felt like I was living a lie, cause while I carried on happy and natural he knew in his mind what had happened. However, my current boyfriend went on a night out when we were seeing each other - so we weren't actually official - got really drunk and ending up kissing a friend who decided that night would be a good night to admit she was in love with him, however, he came straight home after, the following day he met up with me and told me the whole thing. He told me he was going to leave me because I deserved better and he was ashamed of how he had cheated on me, 2 years down the line, we are official and have been together this whole time. He completely deleted that girl from his life to the point where she walks down the street and he looks through her like she's invisiable. What made me stay was that I realised if he was willing to be honest and admit what he had done, and that he wanted to finish us over his illtreatment of me, then the chances were he was unlikely to do it again. Now there is two sides of opinion from someone whose been cheated on, I don't know if this is much help or if your mind is made up that you can't tell your partner.
On another note, like I have already mentioned, I too have cheated therefore I am not an innocent party, although I have never cheated on my current boyfriend. When my ex boyfriend was out cheating on me I did it back to sort of prove a point. I told him once and he stook by me like I had him, however, another time I hid it from him and instead tried to pretend that it had never happened. The guilt ate at me inside and somehow or another he guessed something was amiss and when he asked me if I had been cheating on him I couldn't hide the mistake I had made.
In your situation owning up could loose your partner but so could hiding it, so its a tie between being honest and hoping they appreciate it, and keeping the secret and hoping it doesn't haunt you, and that if it does they can see past it.
As for the abortion and the terrified of being pregnant again, have you considered any contraception? There are a lot of good methods out there and as long as everything is done correctly pregnancy isn't likely unless you want a baby.
 
Hope some of this helps you :)

Madi_baby6
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/7/2011 8:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for the note back. I really appreciate you sharing your two sides with me as well. I know that I would lose him if I told him the truth so I choose not to tell him. I am fine with that because it meant nothing to me and I know for a fact that my promiscuity will not get out. My issues are that of course I feel bad about doing this and that I have no idea why I do this. I have no reason to hurt him, I have no reason to do this to myself. It seems completely illogical.
Yes I do actively partake in contraceptives. While my boyfriend has been at basic I went off it so I could have time to switch to a new method, I see the doctor on Wednesday. When I did cheat last night I made him wear a condom and I took the emergency contraceptive this morning. My fear is a bit irrational but you can't help what you are deathly afraid of.

Thanks for the hand :)
~LoveAintCheap~

dontknowwhy
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 8/7/2011 8:28 PM (GMT -6)   
We all do things that we can't explain; I had a severe lapse in judgement last night too. I think the best thing you can do is exactly what you are doing right now; talking to someone about it. The only bad mistake is one you never learn from, right? So maybe you should take this experience and try to learn how you can keep from making another mistake like that. I am attempting to do that myself. And if the temptation to cheat again comes back, you have to figure out how to be stronger than it.

Madi_baby6
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/7/2011 8:41 PM (GMT -6)   
You are right all we can do is look at what we did, talk about it, learn and move on. Thank you dontknowwhy.
~LoveAintCheap~

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 8/8/2011 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   
I cheated on my first husband after 17 years of a relationship. He never did find out and I loved the attention that I got. I felt this guy was my soulmate, though I was wrong about that. I don't regret the affair, because I did learn from it. I learned that I was a desirable and lovable person at that time. My first husband died from lung cancer in 2000. I am now with a very good man that treats me good. I have no reason to look elsewhere. And when I did it, I wasn't looking for it, it just happened. In fact unknowingly my husband at that time kind of made it happen. I never felt guilty. I felt I deserved it. It is long since over. And I dont even see this guy anymore. I am glad. But yes, there are two sides, don't feel guilty about what you did. Just chalk it up as a learning experience.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Madi_baby6
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/8/2011 2:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Karen <3
~LoveAintCheap~
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