hello..Just joined. I am lonely.

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totoro
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/12/2011 5:22 PM (GMT -6)   
hello


Hope to talk to some people here. I have had depression most of my life and I get by fine some weeks. But my main issues are ..

I feel like I am constantly under pressure while my time is "running out" I always feel like I cant get anything done as the clock is ticking. I also feel like this when I don't have anything to do other than make my music .. the last year I have found it a struggle to make music I feel like "whats the point?" and that I should give up. also things like watching a film or playing a computer game I avoid I feel irritated at the thought of doing anything that is not valuable to my life as an artist. I cant relax cos I dont really want to i want to be as busy as I can with creating. I am happy when I write a good song but I feel so low about myself most of the time I cant write.

I feel very lonely hope some one will talk to me.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/12/2011 6:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello totoro,

What kind of music do you write? I'm sorry you feel lonely. I am here to talk. It really helps.

totoro
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/12/2011 6:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello thank you for your message.

I write electronic music on my laptop.

I feel better after midnight.. I feel like from midnight - 5am time is slow and I can take my time in my thoughts. the day time seems to be so short.

I want to join some sort of group for a hobby that will get me more friends. most people my age go out drinking and party stuff and the ones who dont are too busy to see me.

are you here to for your health too? like, are you doing ok ?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/12/2011 7:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Totoro,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum! I am so glad that you have joined us. I think music is the best. I love it. Have you ever thought that maybe you are just a night owl? Or maybe you need the peace and quiet of the night to be creative? That is probably just the way that you are. I paint and I have to be in the right mood or I can't do it. I seem to do most when I am depressed. I think it is my release.

Have you ever thought about going to counseling or maybe seeing a psychiatrist? It sounds like the pressure of time may be causing you some anxiety. Maybe you need to learn to live in the now (or in the moment).

Whichever, I hope that you feel better and I wish you much success with your musical talent.

I hope that you make some friends who like the same things that you do. Is there any way that you can be around people who like music?

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

totoro
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/12/2011 7:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Karen thank you for your message

I am a night owl but I havnt really thought of it much as I seem to think its wrong to be like that in life. I have felt like I am doing something damaging to my self by sleeping in the day and being awake at night but I am calm when its dark and I don't have all that adrenaline that i have in the day.

I used to see a psychiatrist and I take medication. I have moved around a lot and havn't had any care for a couple years as I have been moving location.


I meet people who make music but they are in bands/singers/guitarists so they don't understand my sort of music like I am not understanding of what its like to be in a rock band or something. So my kind of music makes me isolated at university where I am the odd one out.

my mum has fibromyalgia but the doctor said I dont have it because I dont get muscle pain.. what can you tell me about it please?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/12/2011 8:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Totoro,

First of all, there is nothing wrong with being a night owl. But if you aren't getting sun, I would take some vitaminD3. It helps with energy and gives me an overall feeling of well being. I don't get too much sun so I am low in it. I just got a blood test and was really low, had to take 50,000iu a week for a month. Now I take 2,800 iu a day. I get extra with the calcium.

Fibroomyalgia is a yucky disoorder. I have had it since 2002. It makes your muscles ache all over. Sometimes it is like a nerve pain. And feels like fire running through your veins. Itis horrible. It also makes you feel exhausted all of the time. And want to sleep. I use to sleep all dayy and be up at night. It was less stressful for me too. I didn't like the pressures of the day. I wouldn't go to the door or answer the phone. I slept for close too two years. I listened to life go by through my bedroom window. I could barely stand up. I had to hold onto furniture to walk from one room to another. But I did get better with medications. I now can go out and walk. I can do errands. I worked a job for awhile. So I did get better. I have been better with the depression too. My doctor told me it went into a type of remission with the help of medications though. So I will have to always take them.

Is there other interests that you might have besides music that you could get involved in and meet people? Coffee shop, gym, walking? I know that you are up at night which kind of limits things. But have faith, you will make friends.

Take care,

Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/12/2011 10:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Totoro,

I'm here because I fell into deep depression after a break up. Sometimes I get upset because I allowed someone to do this to me. I really don't understand why I got like this because I have had breakups before. I was upset but never like this. Perhaps it has something to do with the sudden hearing loss and tinnitus I have been dealing with for the past 4 or 5 months. It's disheartening to wake up one day and your hearing isn't quite right.

totoro
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/12/2011 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I donate to a deaf charity .. I picked that one because my hearing is everything to me. so I understand how that must be disheartening.

I think sometimes one suffers most when a combination of bad things happen. My suffering seems a bit random.

I have tinnitus sometimes .. I try to imaging the sound louder and it seems to cancel its self out.

Have you got ways of coping ? I know how it feels like nothing helps.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/12/2011 11:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I try to use white noise sometimes. I also try not to dwell on it. It's a little frustrating when I really can't understand what people are saying. I asked if I could get hearing aids but dr said not yet because it changes for better or worse in either ear.

I have been taking nortriptyline for headaches and sleeplessness. But since it is an antidepressent, I upped the number of pills. Since then, the sadness has lifted and I don't really feel anything. The hurt and pain is not there. I can function throughout the day, which was hard. The past few nights I have been unable to sleep. At least I am not crying

totoro
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/12/2011 11:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Did you see my reply on your feeling nothing post? it was about photography, helps me with the depersonalisation. It might help you too and its a fun hobby.

I feel nothing a lot and it makes it hard for me to be around people as I cant feel like things are real a lot of the time.

I have insomnia too but fortunately I don't need much sleep. Its 5:36 am here at the moment. I sleep a lot when I am really upset tho.

I am lonely a lot .. I have many great friends.. who are all busy all the time and cos ive moved so much they are not all in the same place as me.

I might co visit my mum later .. she has loads of pets and I love them. 3 dogs, 3 bunnies , 2 birds and 4 cats! I hope mum will pick me up I get so worried about leaving the house :(

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/13/2011 7:05 PM (GMT -6)   
I did see your post. Good idea. I also looked into the sound sites for meditation. I think I'm going to try it. Hope you are feeling better today. I'm starting to feel a little down. I don't want that. I'd rather stay in the no feeling state. Oh no, just feel like crying.

totoro
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/13/2011 7:16 PM (GMT -6)   
aw. well I am here for hours ..just making some music .. its 1am now and i got up at 7 pm we can talk.

reading a book i find is a bit like meditation .. i am reading about science at the moment. reading is so good for the brain to take your mind away from pain.

crying is really good for you.. it releases chemicals you dont need blocked up and tears also contain chemicals that break down the walls of bacteria. i wish i could cry but i cant.. i always feel better after.

I pray sometimes when i really need help. I am not religious but it really helps me to think their is something more than the material world.

what i used to do which made me feel better was to make a list of all the things i love and all the things that make me feel safe.

like animals , tea, songs i like .. try making a list of things that make you feel safe and keep that list under your pillow to look at when you feel like crying.

feel free to message back i will be checking here often tonight

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/13/2011 8:30 PM (GMT -6)   
I like reading too, but haven't been able to get into any of the books I got from the library. The crying I was doing was uncontrollable for days. I thought I was really losing it. Actually, I did lose it. The medicine was really helping. I feel like it's losing its effectiveness. I am at the max of 5 which the dr prescribed. I may need something else. Before I lose control again. That was such a terrible place.

totoro
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/13/2011 8:49 PM (GMT -6)   
I dont think one can rely on medication alone .. it takes some thought process to work with the medication. its like the body, it needs food to work .. but also needs other things like water with it.

if you join the gym your body will make more chemicals that make you feel good .. and this will work along side the medication. so If you think you need something more .. the body and brain can make something more through exercise. you might be able to get discount if you get a letter from your doctor.

I have read that taking b vitimins helps depression. I take them as well as my meds.

Do you have hobbies you could be doing? I know that when you feel bad you dont want to do anything .. I used to play video games and I want to again but I dunno I feel like I cant concentrate.

I used to keep a diary which made me feel better.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/13/2011 9:32 PM (GMT -6)   
No real hobbies. No exercise. Just reading. But can't concentrate. Yeah, I know medicine isn't the sole answer. I was really just running from the problem. One of my friends suggested writing. Perhaps I will.

I was pretty content to go on with the no feeling thing. It was a much needed escape.

Is there a program you use to write your music on the computer?

Kaleighah82
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 8/13/2011 9:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi;
I am a newcomer to the forum.  I've struggled with depression for quite a few years (a million it feels like sometimes).  I am on medication and also see a counselor.  Right now I am really struggling with lonliness as a few of my friends live out of town and a few more are all getting married around now.  I just feel on my own a lot and spend a lot of time on my computer.  I am hoping that things will improve and I can join activities or groups to meet more people.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/13/2011 10:01 PM (GMT -6)   
I think it is a good idea to get involved with something. To keep the mind occupied, otherwise lonliness and negative thoughts creep in. I have found recently however, that I don't really feel like being bothered. Not to fun to be around right now.

I hope you can find something to do that allows you to meet new friends.

Kaleighah82
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 8/13/2011 10:12 PM (GMT -6)   
That is true. The negative thoughts creep in way too often. I also have the days of not wanting to be bothered. Luckily, I think feeling alone is the major thing I am dealing with right now. I say luckily because for the most part I am not feeling a ton of depression or hopelessness; my meds and therapy seem to be keeping that pretty well managed.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/13/2011 10:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Good for you Kaleighah!

Kaleighah82
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 8/13/2011 10:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Stillme! I suppose that is a really good thing! I tend to get really down when I do things to disappoint myself or when I feel extremely alone; but it is good to remember that I have seen improvements.
How are you doing?

totoro
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/13/2011 10:50 PM (GMT -6)   
HI again stillme .. I use ableton live on my mac .. i love it. I didnt go to see my mum so I havnt seen the pets again yet I miss them. yes writing would be a good hobby.

Hi Kaleighah I feel alone a lot even when I am with people. I find it hard to join in and have fun and stuff.. sorry to hear you feel lonely too but I think this is a good place to talk to understanding people

I have to sleep now so sleepy all of a sudden

Kaleighah82
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 8/13/2011 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Totoro; thanks for responding. I also often feel lonely even with a group of people. I am introverted and do much better one-on-one. Large groups just exhaust me. Though I've noticed that more so since being diagnosed.
I hope you sleep well.

Serenitee
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 463
   Posted 8/13/2011 11:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Totoro, Welcome here to the Healingwell Site. You have come to an awesome Community with amazing members. Its nice to meet you, I'm Serenitee. I'm sorry that you are feeling low. I empathize with those feelings a lot. It sounds like your a very artistic and thats great. I've made terrific friendships here as I am sure you will as well.

This past year has been a very rough time for me. I am married and we have 7-kids, 3-grand kids...and yet I can feel so alone at times...Sounds ridiculous, huh.

Well, I thought I would welcome you here & look forward to chatting with you more.
Your Healingwell Friend,
Serenitee

Bipolar 2, Borderline, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Ptsd + Medications & a Psych Dr. weekly.
Loop ileostomy, Pelvic/Bladder Trauma & Dysfunction

totoro
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/14/2011 12:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Kaleighah82: yes I am just like that. parties are a definite no. I had a best friend who I loved but I moved away for a few reasons. I think I will move back after uni. I have started making music with a new idea.. to write music that makes me feel safe. normally I write to get out fear but I feel like I have more direction and reason to write things to listen to for a feeling of safety.. and then I can promote it to others for the same reason.. for others to listen to when they feel like they need a hug.

I slept well thank you .. slept for a long time.

How are you doing today?

Serenitee: thank you for your message. yes I hope to make friends here. nice to meet you. I hope I will get married and have kids too but I feel like it might not happen with the way I am. I have always wanted kids I think to create a new life is the most amazing thing a human could do.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/14/2011 1:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello All,
Having a rough day. I am feeling alone and sad. Been crying most of the day.

Glad u slept well totoro.

Kaleighah, hope you are doing well today.
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