It sounds to me as if you are suffering from PTSD and depression. I think you need to talk to a therapist about
this as it will not go away on its on and will continue to affect all areas of your life.
When traumatic things happen to people they sometimes think they are OK for years and then all of a sudden they find themselves dealing with all sorts of strong emotions coming, seemingly, from nowhere. You may find yourself reactiing disproportionately to minor hurts. This can happen when you have suppressed feelings that you may never have been aware of. Amazing how the human brain does this. It's time for you to start untangling all these feelings and expressing them or they will just fester inside you and cause continuing depression. I like to think of it as having splinters under the skin that need to be pulled out before the skin can heal! It takes courage to pull them out, and it may hurt, but you will not heal until you have the courage to pull them out.
I know you said you don't want to go on medication, but it's really not a big deal and lots of people go on anti-depressants to help them cope until they are stronger. Medication can give you the strength and motivation to actually deal with this stuff and work through it. It can help you feel so much better you'll wonder why you waited so long to give it a try. You can try it for three months and stop if you think it's not helped.
My advice to you is to see a doctor and get some medication, and a referral to a good therapist to start working on this stuff and getting it out of your system. It must be awful for you to be carrying all this around with you.
I wish you peace and send a big hug.
Post Edited (Mrsnyums) : 8/13/2011 7:43:40 PM (GMT-6)