Will my BF, father of my 2 babies leave me due to depression??

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 8/13/2011 1:59 PM (GMT -6)   
I am feeling so discouraged and overwhelmed today. I have a two week vacation and had so many plans to do things that I know would make me feel better. Cleaning and unpacking, excercising...and the two most important things, find a new job and have a big talk with my boyfriend over the marriage situation.
I accomplished none of those things. While I did celebrate the fact I unpacked and put away about 6 boxes..it felt small and unimportant...celebration didn't last long. I really want to talk to my boyfriend because it is an issue that is plaguing my heart and the cause of alot of anxiety...but I cannot muster of the courage. We've been together almost 5 years, two children, talk of buying a house, getting out of debt, talk of future...but he's "Not Ready" for marriage or to even talk about engagement. I don't understand why, and neither does his family. I don't want to force him to do anything, I jsut feel I deserve a real honest answer. To me not ready, means you still want an out....I wonder if he doesn't want to marry me because of the depression....
Has anyone else had their depression plague their relationships? Any advice?

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/13/2011 4:26 PM (GMT -6)   

I really think I pushed my ex partners away from being so worried about that. cos it showed.

I think that if you have enjoyment with someone it becomes mutual

I look back and think I was more worried about them leaving me than I was enjoying time with them.

sometimes letting go to a situation is not avoiding it .. its actually going with the flow .. which can be natural .

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 8/14/2011 12:17 PM (GMT -6)   
He won't leave you.
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 8/15/2011 2:13 AM (GMT -6)   
I know plenty of people, both male and female, who are entirely devoted to their partners and have no issues at all thinking about or wanting to spend their entire lives loving, being loved, and building a life with that person, but when it comes to actually being married they want no part in it.

I have heard many reasons given by them for this, but one of the most common ones is that by not getting married it provides them something of a relief valve. Even though they have no thoughts or intentions of ending the relationship they know they are not legally tied to it and in a way they have an "easy out". As I said it does not mean they are wanting an out or are looking for one, it is just a psychological safety net for them.

I know a couple who spent 22 years living together. They had children, they had bought a house together, shared everything and were married in every way but having that piece of paper hanging on the wall called a Marriage Certificate. After 22 years they decided to officially get married and 3 months later it was a race who could move out fastest and make it to a divorce lawyer first. Within a couple of months of finalizing the divorce they were living together again and now have been together over 30 years.

I suggest first of all deciding what is most important to you. Having a piece of paper to hang on the wall or having a loving mate who is fully committed to you and the children? If you decide it is the latter then you can approach your boyfriend and ask him how he really feels about marriage. Reassure him that you are not trying to pressure him into it but that you are merely curious since he is so devoted to you.
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