I have just about had it

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/15/2011 4:26 PM (GMT -6)   
cry Ok, so the one I love wants to move on. Leaving me emotionally shattered, heartbroken and mentally on the edge. We broke up not quiet a month ago. So I'm trying to deal with that. I thought I was doing better, not very good just not crying every hour or so, but for the last couple of days I have been very emotional. We were talking, but my sadness can be heard in my voice. Today I am told that we should refrain from talking to make coping easier. I feel as if someone has ripped out all of my insides. I had thoughts that I have never had before. I wish my appointment were sooner. I don't know what to do. I am so incredibly sad. cry cry cry I am trying my best to get over it. I do find some escape when I come here to read. Sorry for rambling. I am experiencing total grief. I wish someone could help me. cry cry cry cry cry

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 8/15/2011 5:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Maybe no correspondence would make it easier for you to move on. That is what I feel you need to do. It is hard, I know. You feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest. But know that you will get passed this. It takes time and go one day at a time. Take life as it comes. I know, easier said than done.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/15/2011 5:48 PM (GMT -6)   
You are right about easier said than done. I feel so empty. Except the hurt.. I am trying. I just want to lay on the bed til this passes.

I have NEVER felt like this.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 8/15/2011 6:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Ending a relationship is rarely pleasant, but on thing I learned after my divorce is that staying in touch with you ex might make the hurt a little less in the short term, but in the long term it just drags it out.

Even if you think there might be a chance of getting back together it really is best to proceed as if that chance does not exist at all.

Yeah it is easier said than done, but it usually comes down to choosing between short term maximum effort for long term gain, or minimal short term effort with short term gain and long term pain.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/15/2011 9:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Jim and SueTho - I think it is probably better to cut the communication. But, I still have so much love. I am going to have to try it hour by hour. For some reason I have been bombarded with things that remind me of us. Songs, places, words, things we did together. Now I am in a workshop and there is a person with the same complexion and hairstyle. So every time I look up I am reminded. I spent the whole day teary eyed and had a real breakdown when I got home. This medicine is not working and I am getting very tired. I don't even know if there is anything that can help with this. Time I guess, but at this moment time doesn't seem to be moving. I am stuck in hurt and can't seem to get out.

Lo_lop
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/15/2011 9:30 PM (GMT -6)   
You are so right about taking it hour by hour. I'm currently feeling the same kind of heartache and I too don't want to let go. I'd rather have a piece of him than nothing at all but I know I have to let go and so do you. I know what you mean it's like the world is against you trying to remind you every second of every day. If you're anything like me all you are thinking about is the good times and that makes it worse! I wish we could rip the hurt off like a band-aid. Try to enjoy things a little at a time. If you catch yourself laughing make a mental note of it. As small and insignificant as it might seem you will slowly make a little more progress everyday. Good luck to you, you're in my thoughts.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/16/2011 5:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes Lo it feels like the world is trying to do me in.

SueTho, it is about survival. Most of the time I feel like I just want to give up. I feel strong for a moment then it's back to the same thing. I try to keep my mind distracted but often find my thoughts drifting back.

Thank goodness for my son. He keeps me getting up because I have to do things for him. I try to hide my pain from him. Which is very difficult. Put on a smiling face.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/16/2011 9:22 PM (GMT -6)   
So today there has been no contact. I feel like I'm floating in space. Trapped in a fog of despair. Twice today I felt like everything was clear. Otherwise I'm moving around in a daze. Often I don't think I'm going to make it. I am going to call the dr tomorrow to see if there has been a cancellation. Sept 15 seems so far away.

I feel abandoned and all alone. I hate this. More and more frequency I am having harmful thoughts. I just want to go away until this blows over. Instead of getting better I. Feel like I am getting progressively worse.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/17/2011 6:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you SueTho,

Today was a little better. WAS!!! I got a call this morning so I was happy. The person that has been in our meetings that reminds me of that person was not there today. So I didn't spend the whole day trying not to cry. I was pretty pleased because I felt that I was making progress.

But after work I went to help a friend set up her classroom. Well her school is in the neighborhood where my love lived. So that was HARD. Leaving the school I got turned around so I put on the navigation and it took me on the same street as the house. WHY is the world doing this to me. I can't take it. Of course all memories came flooding back. The desire was all there. I have decided that I wouldn't initiate any conversation but now all I want to do is call.

I can't take this. The harmful thoughts that stayed at bay all day were back. Before this I never really understood what could make people want to do things to themselves. I totally understand. Anything to divert the pain. I want this to go away. All sorts of things that I don't do, I now think of doing. I thought maybe a few drinks will take it away. I don't care for the taste but at this point who cares.

I can't do this guys. The stupid medicine doesn't help. I thought about increasing it a little more, but that would be more than the doctor prescribed. On the other hand maybe going up just one more will help. I need to escape. I try to think about other things but if at every turn I'm going to be reminded I can't get any better. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will. I think of movies where the institutionalize people and the person is just sitting there staring. I feel like that person sometimes. Locked in a nightmare. Maybe someone there would give me a shot or a pill or something, when they noticed the river of tears flowing from my eyes,and decided to give this poor lady a few minutes of relief.

Hurting more than ever.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/17/2011 6:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Feeling a little better reading the thoughtful words in other posts. Hope it lasts.

BillieIndiana
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 8/17/2011 7:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi StillMe

I'm sorry to hear about your pain. I went through something similar a few years ago.

The problem was I wanted to hang onto contact because I thought it would be a lot easier. Now I wish I had just cut off contact from the beginning even though I still had so much love for him.

Do you have anyone you could spend time with? Sometimes a night with a friend or a family member can take your mind off things for a few hours. Do you like to read? Sometimes getting engrossed in a good book is a good way to take your mind off things.

It's so natural to be reminded of that person all the time. That's because he is on your mind and you associate everything with him. But that will fade.

I don't know what to recommend when it comes to your medication but my feeling is not to up your dose unless a doctor thinks it is ok.

I am thinking of you.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 8/17/2011 7:05 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't know if I will have the right words to say other than please hang in there. I would keep calling the doctor's office and let them know you feel you are in a crisis situation.

There are a lot of crisis numbers and sites in the depression resources at the top of the page. Please go there and see if any of it can help you. Do not take this out on yourself. You don't deserve that.

Know that we here are thinking of you and support you. Keep posting so that we all know you are okay. This will get better. It will.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/17/2011 9:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Billie and Gettingby. This is so hard. I've had breakups before and didn't feel this bad. I wonder why it is affecting me like this now. I hope it doesn't stay like this for much longer. I need to get back to the mood gym. It is physically and mentally exhausting. But, when I lay down I can't even sleep (lol). Anyway, trying to hold it all together.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/18/2011 9:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for youir encouragement. I am trying to move. It seems that now I do a little better in the morning and go progressively downhill. it seems as if things keep changing so I can't get anything under control.

However I had an hour and a half with no pain or thoughts while I shopped. The sales lady tallying up my purchases and I would go back and look for something else.(I mentioned this in another forum). It was a much needed break.

Thanks again. I really need the support.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/20/2011 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   
cry I am sooooo sad. What a bad day. I was tearful all day. From morning til now. I'm trying to get away from this but I feel stuck. I know my ex has moved on. Why can't I. I don't want to continue feeling like this but feel so hopeless. Like I will never come out of this. This depression is so exhausting, mentally and physically. Counting the days until my appointment. The dr has to have a pill for this because I am miserable cry

BlueMoon878
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 8/20/2011 11:32 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry you had a bad day. I can only imagine the pain you're going through, and I wish too that there was a silver bullet or magic pill that would make it hurt less. Sorry. Be nice to yourself. Do something nice for you, even if it's teeny. A bubble bath, tea, watching crummy movies - let yourself off the hook and give yourself time to feel sad. I think I probably stole that from Karen, but seriously - take care of yourself. If you can't take it a day at a time, let yourself take it an hour at a time, or 5 minutes at a time. There is no one answer to getting through a break-up, and I think venting your feelings here is a good outlet. It won't always feel this bad...

Sending good vibes your way. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/22/2011 9:52 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't seem to be getting any better. I am trying things but keep falling backwards. My med is running out and I haven't been able to get in touch with the dr for a refill. Even though I think I need something different, I'd rather have something than nothing. I am afraid of what I will be without them. I am barely making it now.

I had an ad on one of the personals sites. Well yeserday someone sent a note trying to make contact. I felt scared. Thinking suppose we were to meet and found interest in each other? I don't think I can do the relationship thing again. Then I thought what a lonely life that will be. Of course this made me cry. I have never cried so much. My friends told me that I am whittling awy. I don't think so but someone else mentioned my weight loss.

My ex is moving on and I'm here unable to do anything but cry. Wish I could just "get over it". Still trying to make it to my September appt.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 8/23/2011 6:04 AM (GMT -6)   
just read your entire thread. hang in there. sending healing compassionate thoughts to you. jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

evangelina88
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 8/23/2011 3:57 PM (GMT -6)   
I feel your pain, still me. Feel like I am going through something similar. I think it may be too soon for you to date. I'm not saying to take your ad down....keep it up and just enjoy the attention or compliments. You could keep a compliments/blessings journal. Normally our self-esteem is in the toilet after a break up. I keep one of these journals and write really small stuff in there like "I found a shiny penny". "I saw a beautiful goldfinch at the feeder". "so and so said my skin looks good". The other thing I do is I pretend that my person, myself, has just escaped from a concentration camp and I have to "take care" of this person...feed her, make sure she rests, exercise
her, etc. I know that may sound weird....but it helps. I also use a little cooking timer when i do mundane things like take a shower, so i dont launch into a sad trance. I wish there were a pill to neutralize the pain...sadly we have to go through it and remember that it wont last forever. I feel like you, though....i yearn so badly for a sweet relationship, but I just dont think i can take any more heartbreak.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 8/23/2011 7:13 PM (GMT -6)   
wise words evangelina88. i too yearn badly for a relationship. jamie. i understand the heartbreak / loss. my partner passed in 06.

with healing compassion, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 8/23/2011 8:55 PM (GMT -6)   
This ad has been on there for years. It's interesting that someone would respond to it now. I am trying to have no contact. Today, after the earthquake I kept wondering how my ex was doing. Now I have the strongest urge to call. So I am getting sad. I feel it welling up. I haven't cried to day and really wanted to make it through with no tears.

I am a little anxious too so maybe that has a little to do with it. I got a call from the dr saying to contact them about my lab results. When I was there I made an appointment for two weeks (apt was last week) Dr said she would call if they found anything that needed immediate aggressive treatment. So when I heard the message this evening of course I am in a bit of a panic. I feel like I need my ex for that support that we gave one another. I hope it's nothing too serious. But they don't usually call if there is nothing. I will call first thing in the morning. I feel so alone right now. I don't think I can handle anything else. Just when I had a glimmer of strength here comes something else.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, June 23, 2018 5:58 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,974,607 posts in 326,194 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161291 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Nanaof14.
378 Guest(s), 4 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
torontolyme, countess18, Gladioli66, Girlie