Hey everybody. Hope you are having a good week. In July of 2010, my husband left. I supported both of us financially almost 100%. When I asked him to help, he left instead. Even though he was a deadbeat, I was still devastated and didn't get out of bed for a week. My parents said he did me a favor. Although he was twelve years older than I, I felt like I was a single mother to a surly teenage son. Haha!
Fast forward to April of this year. (9 months after husband left). A coworker began to pursue me. After a few weeks, I decided to go out with him. Things moved too fast...I did not set good boundaries...I felt pretty numb and passive. I got very emotionally attached to both him and his son. I babysat his son several times after work and we had the best time. I helped him with his homework, we picked lemons and made lemonade, we fed my neighbor 's horse...lots of fun stuff. Sadly, red flags began to crop up with his dad. This man was never very sweet to me and although I made him several meals, he never said "thank you". He was narcissistic and basically spent our time talking all about himself. I could have replaced myself with a cardboard cutout. Haha! Also, his finances are a disaster. He's declaring bankruptcy and drives a $40,000 car. I was with him when a process server served him with an eviction notice. The irony is that this man is a police officer. He badmouthed his ex wife claiming she was responsible for his financial woes. Additionally, I babysat his son while he was taking scuba classes. Here is someone who is declaring bankruptcy and he is paying the high dollar amount for scuba classes? I know it's ridiculous that I became emotionally attached to this man...I had to go into cognitive override to break it off with him in June. A month went by and we didn't see each other at work miraculously because we were not assigned to same area. In July, we were assigned to same area and I broke and got back together with him...but not for long. I broke it off again July 15. Nobody at work knows about our relationship. I have thankfully not run into him, but it's only a matter of time and this causes me tremendous anxiety...to the point where I have even thought of moving and trying to get a job elsewhere. When I think of his son, my heart is torn apart... The crazy thing is even though I was the one to end things, I feel the terrible pain and sadness of loss and rejection. I think about him constantly and times we were intimate and it just rips my heart out and takes me to the point of pure hopelessness.
Thank you for reading this. Any input would be so appreciated.