Dear Rose and SueTho
Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply to my post, its very kind of you, and it helps enormously to know that there are other people out there that have gone through, or are going through similar experiences and understand what it's like. Although I had been quite low for a year or more I have only really suffered depression and anxiety at this level since January this year it seemed to come from nowhere and hit me like a truck, I found myself at my doctors in tears (very embarrassing) completely unable to cope, I had gone from being Mr in charge to complete wreck in a matter of days.
My therapist has said it was many years in the making with multiple causes which looking back I'm sure she's right about. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I suppose I'm a bit impatient, you're right SueTho I know counselling can't be a quick fix, I suppose my impatience is partly to do with the internal panic that this just won't go away. You have given me some good positive advice based on your own experiences.
I'm am pleased that you had a good day Rose with your twins and I'm sure that there are lots more of those in store for you! It has helped simply writing on the forum, as my family including my wife don't know I am on medication or having counselling. My wife is under immense pressure herself at the moment, and is prone to depression and I don't want to add to her problems, she was prescribed AD's a couple of years ago but refused to take them and "toughed it out". Also on a selfish level if I'm honest I am just not capable of taking on any more at the moment and I know if she knew about me she would worry herself sick. Also being in charge of my own business I feel a responsibility not to show that I'm anything other than in control.
I will take your advice and try to look back to what it felt like before all this, I know it might sound odd but I can't really remember feeling anything but stressed and wound up although not a s bad as this, for the longest time. I am encouraged by your comments that although it doesn't feel like it there is a way back from this. I can say that until I experienced this, like most people I had no idea just how debilitating depression can be. it looks as if I'm at the start of what's going to be a very long road but so long as there really is a good chance of getting back some peace it will be worth the trip. I'll take your advice and make it one day at a time!
I do wish you both well, and thank you once again for your kindness - I will keep in touch and keep you posted, I'm new to this and don't know a great deal about it but I do understand how much it helps to "talk" so if I can help by listening then, I will.