I have struggled with depression and anxiety off and on for more than 10 years. For the last 2 years I had been feeling pretty good, I was off all medications and working hard to lose weight. I had a fiancee who loved me and was working at getting a Masters degree in a field I love. We were both excited about life ahead of us and I felt like I always had something to look forward to. But after graduation this spring, things have headed south. Unfortunately, my husband is foreign and came to the United States on a government-sponsored scholarship. The visa associated with the scholarship required him to return to his home country for two years before he could change his visa status (either through a job or a spousal visa). Even though we knew about the residency stipulation, we always believed that once we were married we could petition a waiver of the requirement and continue on with our lives in the USA, especially since I am a US citizen. We lawyered up and applied for a waiver but were denied.
He had three standing job offers in the US, but it didn't matter. After being denied the waiver he had to come back. So a few months ago we returned to his country. He is from a European country on the Mediterranean and everyone I know thinks it's shameful that I am disappointed about being forced to live here. To them it sounds like a vacation--exotic and full of every stereotype they know about Europe. But for us, it isn't a a vacation. Unemployment here is more than 20%. Literally there are no jobs to apply for in my field and basic retail jobs have hundreds of applicants. Both of us are searching for work, so far without any success. Now it looks like I took out 40k in student loans to do a masters degree I won't use. Without a steady source of income, it's hard to feel like you are on vacation. To make matters worse, I feel very disconnected from my friends and family in the US. Here I don't know anyone other than my husband's family and his few male friends. Even with a wonderful husband, there's only so much time we can spend together before I need to connect with other people.
I have come to quickly recognize my depressive symptoms and try to combat them before I got too far down, but here I'm just not sure if I can get myself out of this. I have a decent handle on the language, but my social anxiety has really escalated recently. I sleep 11 hours a day and love the night when I feel like everything is more relaxed. I stay in my pajamas as long as possible and leave the house only if my husband makes me. I cry all the time and can't even get excited about going to the beach. I feel guilty about feeling so terrible in such a beautiful place. I know it's not my husband's fault, but I have started to feel resentful towards him about being here. I also feel bad he has to see me like this. Both of us feel like no one here or in the US quite gets how we feel, but it's of little comfort. I have gained a pound every week in the last 6 weeks, despite moderate exercise. It's just very cyclical and I feel like I'm slipping again, or already have. I wouldn't even know where to begin to find a doctor here, everything works so different than in the USA.
Anyway, I'm sad and new to the forum. Hope you'll say hi.