Posted 8/22/2011 5:52 AM (GMT -7)
i am in year 12 this year, and have had family problems since i was little, my father divorced twice and he is impossible to communicate. my first mother abandoned us, she nearly set the house on fire. my second mother couldnt stand my dads attitude any longer and left us too. he makes me feel useless and tells me that i am a dissapointment to him, that he sees no reason in taking care of me, that i am a failure already. he blames everything on others, and even blamed me for his bad relationship with my second mother. no one can bring him to his senses and we've all tried to talk him into living for himself and stop ruining everyone elses lives. Beginning of this year was the big hit in everything. i couldnt stand the divorce of him and my second mother, and i couldnt stand his words any longer so i moved out of the house for two weeks. my first mother came to stay with me, saying she would take care of me. however, ended up making me pay for everything and figure out a place to stay. she then decided she didnt want to live with me so abandoned me and went back overseas. i had to go back to my fathers home. during this time, i was also emotionally attached to a guy who later on broke my heart when he said he had a girlfirend, and that he couldnt cheat with me any longer. it was a disastrous feeling of being played and being abandoned by yet another person i cared for. things got better however, after a few months my father went overseas and is still currently there, hes been there for 2 months or so, and it was a big sigh of relief. i have also met a guy who is currently my boyfriend, and he makes me so happy when im with him. however, being hurt by previous people, has definitely affected me in ways i only recently realised. i feel even more insecure than before, i fear rejection, dont find myself worthy at all, and feel depressed and sad a lot of the times. i crave for that affection and love i never had, and i need someone there for me, to comfort me and to help me through my problems. but my boyfriend is a year younger than me, and he hasnt experienced enough yet to understand how i feel and what i need. i havent tlaked to him about my problems yet because he has his own crises at the moment, and i am helping him out with his issues. i give my all to him, as i always do to everyone, yet he cant give me his all. which really makes me feel sad. i dont know what i need to do, to stop feeling so down and to actually feel better about myself and everything.