Depression and relationship

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Onewhowishshenew
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Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/25/2011 10:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I am really looking for some answers. I have been with my boyfriend for ten years. We have been happy in the past I thought but recently my boyfriend has been showing signs of depression ( withdrawn, not sleeping, not eating, won't talk to anyone) and has told me he has be sad for awhile. I understand why he has been so depressed considering I have been supporting him for about 2 years while he finished university and looked for a job. Unfortunately he has been unable to find a job and told me he feels like a failure. I have been distant from him for about a year resentful that we are not moving forward in our relationship and that I have had to carry most of the finical burden, I have expressed this to him (which I don't know of it helped his depression). He is getting help with his depression now just started today. I am happy that he is getting help but now I have questions he cannot answer. A couple days ago I begged him to tell me how he felt he told me he loved me but did not know if he was still in love with me. I suggest that we take a break and that he should leave until he figures out what he wants. He broke down started to cry uncontrollably and began to get angry ( this lead me to let him stay, I didn't know what else to do). My question is was him saying that he didn't know of he was in love with me the depression talking considering the reaction he had to me suggesting a break or is he just wanting to stay so he won't have to move back home? I ask him if he knows if he wants to be with me and he can't give me an answer just gets angry and distant. I don't want to be with someone who is using me for a place to stay but I don't want to loose the person I still love because his depression is talking for him. He is not the same person he was a couple of months ago.

I know this is long but I am truly lost any advice will help

Thank you

Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 8/26/2011 12:07 AM (GMT -6)   
It could very well be the depression talking, at least to a point.

There is a very good chance that his emotions are in one big jumble right now and he simply does no know which emotion belongs to what or who.

Some things to keep in mind. Men and women have different definitions when it comes to emotions. In a lot of ways it is like they are speaking two different languages but yet use the same words. Another thing is that in a long term relationship "love" takes on new meanings. In the beginning there is that "crazy" in love feeling but after a while for many people that feeling changes to something deeper, more comfortable, and some would say more meaningful. During that transition it is easy, for both parties, to mistake this "lack" of being "in love" with not really loving the other person when what it really means is that the love that is felt has become something a lot more.

My advice is if you do really love him and do really want to be with him then give him a chance to work through this and be patient. Successfully battling depression isn't something that happens over night. It may take months with many ups and downs along the way before any real improvement is made.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

theHTreturns...
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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 8/26/2011 3:52 AM (GMT -6)   
i agree to give him a chance to work through his emotions as well. jamie.

with healing compassion 2 you both.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

worriedgirl
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 8/26/2011 7:51 AM (GMT -6)   
i know exactly how you feel. a couple of years ago my hubby told me that he didnt know if he was in love with me and he was depressed. we fought quite a bit until i realized i needed to back off and let him come to terms with how he feels about me. while we are not perfect, had a huge fight two months ago to where it was 6 months to fix the problem or we split, our relationship now is stronger than before. he even told me as much as sometimes he cant stand my voice or face he cant stand the thought of me not being there more. my guess he still loves you and wants to be with you but he is depressed and cant find meaning in anything right now. give him his space and let him know you love him and support him through this and you will come out stronger. btw it will take time. it took us two years to get back to where we were but it was worth waiting for.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

Fetty
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/26/2011 8:14 AM (GMT -6)   
i am a new member and dont have perfect spell please excuse that, but i was reading along on this and i to have been in this position. if he is taking meds for his treatment. i was on them awail ago anthat is d they do make you act realy strange. when i ws on them i would get realy emontional about nothing. like for exp, i was on the phone with my lil sis and the call was d/c so i started to cry not like a tear fell from my eye omg i lost a call with my sis it was like balling on the floor wail tos of guys were around me asking ***? all cause of a lost call.... like wow i couldnt call them back or something realy couldnt but besides the point. the meds took about 2 weeks to kick in and a week of idk whats going on emontionaly. so if its the questioning or emotions i would say give him a chance. by about 4-5 weeks he should be more understandalbe depression isnt a fire it wont be put out by just water, only time will help

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42432
   Posted 8/26/2011 9:16 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree with the above, do give him a little time to see where his emotions are and heal. Then go from there.

Love does grow.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 8/26/2011 10:22 AM (GMT -6)   
What wonderful advice, folks, your suggestions are just what she
needs to apply, in my view. Space and time--it does heal so much.

I.G.

Onewhowishshenew
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/26/2011 3:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you everyone :)

TikiTazz
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 8/27/2011 10:54 PM (GMT -6)   
This sounds a little to close to home........ i am currently staying with a friend due to my husband losing himself in his unseen behaviour..... he shows signs of depression, frustration etc that is usually at himself but it comes out at others...... Its been hard watching hime wage war on himself and Hopefully he'll be able to see what I can before its too late....

The fact that your bf is seeking help is a good sign. Be supportive of him and see where it goes..... its hard with depression, theres fine lines in behaviours.....

I am glad that you care enough to confront, KUDOS!!!!!

Hang in there!!!!
Everyone stumbles, It's What you do next that defines who you Are.

Onewhowishshenew
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/28/2011 11:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for all the advice... I am really having a tough time with the waiting to see if he wants to be with me or not... I am really insecure and questioning everything about myself any advice on how to cope with waiting and my feelings?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42432
   Posted 8/29/2011 7:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Find your own things to do. Go on with your life. He will catch up soon enough. I hope he feels better soon and you too.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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