I think I may have depression...

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Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/26/2011 12:11 AM (GMT -6)   
So.. I feel like a mess lately. i was looking for a chatroom, but i just entered the site. i havent been diagnosed with depression and im not a pill person so im just hoping for a little moral support here. first off my life isnt too bad. im 25, im attractive, im in school to be a dentist, i have two amazing kids, i bought my house at age 19 and have renovated it, im a full time chemistry student, and my family is nice (though not close)
that said.. lately.. im sooo ****ing lonely and sad.  i feel terrible that i feel so empty. my "husband" is in the army.. we have had our FAIR share of ups and downs and we just recently got married before he joined the army almost a year ago. i am alone (other than the kids) like 24/7 now. i thought with him leaving that it would finally give me a chance to see how well i can do on my own, how many things i can accomplish and how strong of a woman i am. i have done that.. but i just feel so empty. he came into town about a week ago for the first time in like 7 months and other than feeling like i had my best friend back.. well i almost felt nothing after a few days. i have "known" for about 5 of our 8 years that he is probably not the one for me. i feel like i am his future since i will be nice and rich in a few years when i get out of dental school and i have a hard time when i feel like he doesnt really give me the effort that i deserve. i mean i am a pretty cool chick. like one of the guys! it frusterates me. the other thing i cant get over is that i feel like i have outgrown my friends.. they are all still the same stoners that i hung out with in high school.. they have no ambitions, weak morals, and they are so terrible to their girlfriends sometimes that i just lose all hope for decent men in the world. my problem is loneliness more than depression i guess. and i guess i just dont know how to fix it. it sounds like an easy solution.. make new friends.. divorce yours husband.. (well not easy.. lol) but i was a teen mother and i have never relyed on my family.. so babysitters are few and far between to find new friends. and my husband is paying half of my bills while im in dental school and im not sure i could afford my mortgage without the help, so i dunno. this is probably stupid to post. im aware that people have worse problems than i do. its just that i had some depression and anxiety problems in high school and i feel myself slipping back. it sucks. :(
also im like totally bubbly and strong to everyone i meet. so its really hard for me to talk to people that i know about this stuff. i have a problem with throwing up walls although i am the most outgoing person in the world... i mean ill small chat your head off.. but if you want to talk about something real.. ill sugar coat the crap out of it and change the subject! haha
thanks in advance.. i think. lol. :D

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/26/2011 8:48:51 AM (GMT-6)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42201
   Posted 8/26/2011 8:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there Sarahberry,
I gave your thread a title as otherwise it will probably get lost in the shuffle.  I think I understand what yiour saying.  You don't know if you are in love with your husband anymore.  That is hard. Have you thought about going to counseling and working this out?  It kind of sounds like you are staying because you need the financial support.  Are you going to let him help you out and then leave when you are able?  I know I make it sound bad, but that is what it looks like.  Does he know how you feel?  Sometimes love grows, so don't give up on that.
You say you are lonely.  I don't see where you get the time to be lonely.  It sounds like you are very busy.  I understand out growing your friends.  I live in a town full of stoners and drinkers.  It is really sad how things turn out as they have no goals either. 
I hope that you feel better soon.  Please think about professional counseling.  It sounds like it could help.
Know that we are all here for you.
HUgs, Karen
PS  We do have chatrooms that are busy in the evenings.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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