depression and lies

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Morkpaz
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Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/2/2011 12:33 PM (GMT -6)   
My 16 year old daughter struggles with depression and co-dependency with a boy.  She was hospitilized last May.  After working with the counselors, and psychiatrists, we felt she was ready for school.  With school, brought the boy.  The lies once again began.  Caught in her lies, she acted impulsively by overdosing on her sleep medication.  She immediately confessed.  She is safe and receiving treatment.  What to do next?  We can't afford private school.  I don't think she can go back to her school.  Any ideas?

Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 9/2/2011 1:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Talk with her school's principle and counselors about this. It may be possible for her to attend a school in a neighboring district or if you live in a city with more than one high school another school in the city. If it is possible you may have to provide transportation to and from school.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 9/2/2011 2:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Morkpaz, welcome to the Depression Forum, and hopefully
someone here will offer some suggestions, as well as Jim's, that will give you a glimmer of hope.

Have you thought about calling the boy's parents (his father, particularly) and having a talk with him about co-dependency and how it is affecting your child? The boy may be too young and not knowledgeable enough to back off a little to give some room for more
people as friends in your daughter's life. The teenage years are very much like trying on different outfits of clothing to see which one fits most comfortably.

Your daughter is in a quandry because, while she wants to be obedient to her mother and father, she has an almost addictive attraction to this youngster as a co-dependent. Taking her out of the school is one
choice or letting her live with an aunt or uncle for a year (if they are
willing to permit it) might move her away from the dependency and
help her to mature a little.

Letting her continue to talk with her psychiatrist could be an excellent route to follow to help her understand co-dependency and the illusion of love. When first love strikes, it is very painful for it to end, because youngsters don't have the tools to know what's really happening in the relationship. They know only the depth of their feelings, and feelings get in the way of thinking for young people sometimes.

I'd choose to keep her in therapy and talk to the boy's father, I think.
Running away to an aunt and uncle may help, but sooner or later, she will need to face the reality of a relationship that is mature, and I wonder if she will be able to manage that without prior experience of knowing what immature relationships are like. The experience is so painful in first love and in co-dependency relationships.

The boy's father might wish to talk to his son, as well, to explain how
the friendship can be too much for them to handle at this young age.
Both his guidance and your daughter's guidance are very important at this time in their lives. Please find the time to give it to her as she needs it, and give her the confidence of coming to you and to your wife for help when she feels she can't handle it.

You probably have a beautiful child who is just beginning to grow into
young adulthood who needs your love, compassion, and leadership more than you know.


It's Genetic

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42494
   Posted 9/2/2011 2:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Morkpaz,

Do you feel that she really is codependant of this young man, or do you think it could be a phase or first love? This is the age that it starts. What is the boy like? Is he a nice kid? Or is he in trouble sometimes?

I think it would be good to hook your daughter with a counselor and make sure that she continues to go to counseling. She needs direction in her life right now steered towards school. Do you reward her for good grades? I think that is so important. So many kids take learning for granted these days.

Keep posting and let us know how things are going. I wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Morkpaz
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/2/2011 3:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your replies. We have considered a majority of these things. I definitely think it is a codependency. She has been seeing a counselor and has been taking celexa and abilify. He's a nice kid but has some pretty serious issues of his own. His father died of a drug overdose when he was 6 yrs old. His mother is involved, but not around much. I think I'll need to speak with his uncles who seem to be the main influence in his life. We are considering sending her to live with my brother and sister-in-law, but I would really hate to see her go and I do want her to be empowered to overcome.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42494
   Posted 9/2/2011 3:47 PM (GMT -6)   
That might be the best thing to do until she is out of school. I hope that she takes school seriously. I know you don't like to do this, but it could be helpful in the situation to have her away from the boy. I am sorry about his father. It must have been hard for him. I am sorry that the mother isn't all that involved in his life. I can see why you would want to keep your daughter from being codependant with him. I hope it all works out for the best for your daughter. I am sorry that she lies to you. Keep posting and take care.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20227
   Posted 9/3/2011 1:20 AM (GMT -6)   
all the best. with healing compassion, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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