Not Again! Really in need of support.

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stillme
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Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 9/3/2011 5:27 PM (GMT -6)   
cry I'm back at square one. Last week was ok. But progressively went downhill. Now I'm back to crying uncontollably. I did get myself up and out, but as son as I got back down and out. This yo-yo thing is a killer. I suppose it goes with the God won't give us more than we can bear. He gives a little break so I won't totally lose it then I have to get back in the ring. I'm tired of fighting. But, I can't even really give up because of my son. A few times I wanted to go to the hospital. Thinking they could give me a sedative. I was thinking of asking his godmother if he can stay with her for a while. 12 more days until my dr's visit. Please hurry. Thanks in advance for listening. cry cry cry cry cry

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42432
   Posted 9/3/2011 5:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hang in there Stillme. Things will get better. I have heard that saying too. Something to hang on to. One day at a time is all that we can do. Try not to stress out. Only 12 more days. If it gets too bad call your doc and see if they will let you know if there is a cancellation. Often you can get in early that way. But you have to be ready when they call.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 9/3/2011 9:28 PM (GMT -6)   
WITH HEALING COMPASSION. keep strong. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 9/3/2011 11:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you. It's so hard. It literally takes over. Then any little thing can make things seem worse. It is so massive. Folks just say get over it move on. I wish I could but feel unable to do anyything about it. Can't seem to draw on past experiences, nothing. And that brings me down further, beinng unable to help myself. In the past it seemed that I countinue to push the emotions into a box, then press it all together until it was gone. If people on the outside knew wha is going on inside someone would probably say I have lost my mind. I don't want to. I just want to escape this torment.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 9/4/2011 2:06 AM (GMT -6)   
i hear you and understand. but am not well enough to pass on advice. jamie, sorry. keep strong, we are here for you.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42432
   Posted 9/4/2011 4:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Have you ever tried just writing it alll down on a piece of paper? That really helps, kind of like journaling. Give that a shot. Or else see a counselor. That is a good way to get things out of your mind.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 9/4/2011 7:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Karen, I am going to try writing it down.
Jamiee, I know you aren't in a good place right now either. Thanks for taking the time to send your support. Wishing us and everyone else that's in a low place peace and smiles.

evangelina88
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 9/4/2011 10:58 PM (GMT -6)   
I feel for you and can really relate to what you are going through. I just finished reading The Depression Cure, and although I wasn't fond of the author's tone, there were some good strategies. I have been implementing them and they seem to be helping. These strategies include exercise that gets heart rate up for at least 30 minutes at least 3x per week. Don't let yourself ruminate... When you find yourself ruminating, redirect thoughts. (i start rhyming words or repeating a mantra or go through alphabet and think of actress whose name starts with each letter). Be with people. Take fish oil. Get exposure to sunshine. Try to get your momentum going in a different direction. While a sedative may make you escape pain for short while...they end up making me more depressed. I read or crochet or do word puzzles until i fall asleep. Maybe you could think of a fun new activity you and your son can do together. A fishing trip... A camping trip ... A drive to a national park. Building something in the back yard. I'm just throwing out ideas.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 9/4/2011 11:21 PM (GMT -6)   
some good ideas indeed. thx, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 9/4/2011 11:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you. They are good ideas. I try to redirect but usually will be unsuccessful. So I will try having something set to divert to. I went to sleep tonight and there my ex was in my dream. I believe we were broken up o it wasn't a happy dream. My parents called and woke me up. I had plans to go out earlier but changed, they were wondering if I was ok. Of course I acted like everything was fine. Now it't back to tears for me, so I came here, which usually redirects my focus for a while or affords me a place to let some out. Sometimes I don't say anything because I feel like I keep going around and around with the same mess. I think you all understand. This thing is so mean, and makes me feel powerless to help myself. Thanks again for all of the suggestions and words of support. Probably would have lost my complete mind without all of you.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 9/5/2011 1:18 AM (GMT -6)   
here for ya, jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 9/5/2011 1:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you. Can't sleep now. If its not one thing its another. How are you feeling Jamiee?

evangelina88
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 9/5/2011 5:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh I hate it when our exes are in our dreams! That's the worst! Then you feel so emotionally raw when you wake up. I'm sorry you can't sleep. I have lots of trouble in this department. I take melatonin and 5 htp (which you cant take if you're on an antidep). Take things just one moment at a time. In Spanish there is a saying: no hay mal que dure cien aƱos...nothing bad lasts 100 years. But I do feel your pain..

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 9/5/2011 9:13 PM (GMT -6)   
not good stillme. but still kicking my friend. thx. and you? with much hraling compassion, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 9/6/2011 8:44 PM (GMT -6)   
As always I appreciate the support. I will be glad when I can offer good advice to others. This has been going on for almost two months. Today and yester day were a little better. 9 more days until my appointment. Someone told me the other day that I'm not depressed. Because I wouldn't be able to change and do daily things. I have always been able to mask things. I told her there are times that I can't get up, I am always tearful, my heart beats hard and fast, sometimes I find myself shaking, I have negative thoughts, I can't focus, headaches, feel very small like I'm cowering down inside myself, feel like I am lost, just barely existing, try to redirect the pain which in turn causes pain, screaming on the inside, wishing, hoping, praying for better days. Sorry for this ramble. That's all I seem to be able to do because my mind races - trying to find an escape but all the exits are blocked.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 9/6/2011 8:49 PM (GMT -6)   
i hear ya, jamie. much healing compassionate hugs 2 ya. jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

KKSMom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 9/7/2011 6:52 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm with you too. I can't offer advice as I'm in the same sinking boat. All I can do is say I'm sorry we have to go through this and I hope things get better. xoxo

Tara

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 9/7/2011 8:35 AM (GMT -6)   
I hope somebody comes soon to rescue this boat Tara. Thanks for your support and I wish the same for you.

Jamiee as always, I appreciate you. I know you aren't in a good place and your being
able to acknowledge me is special.

Even those that read, thank you. This is sooooo hard.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42432
   Posted 9/7/2011 8:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Stillme,

I hope you get to feeling better soon. Know that everybody here cares about you. Take it one day at a time, that is the best that we can do. Be good to yourself.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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