Almost, Sorry you seem to have done exactly what I asked you not to do. Take my words personally. Yes your disease, illness is highly personal and critical and huge in your thoughts but it is still just that really. Thoughts, until you have facts to settle the issue one way or another. Trying to think ahead, into our futures is a bad way to live as if anything bad happens, as it has to you, all our future is suddenly seemingly cut short, affected and negative. The truth is the future doesn't exist yet. Only today does. Try and forget the future, it will arrive regardless of how you think things will turn out. Dire predictions which we make are nearly always wrong and just serve to depress us.
You say you don't know if you're clinically depressed as you haven't followed up on that. I can tell you that you are not clinically depressed based on those words as that term means a case of depression being treated by a clinician, a doctor. Right now it may or may nor be depression but if you do it in your own time all you will be doing is increasing the chances it will develop when, again, early intervention is the only good choice. It's procrastination and apparently we all do it in not accepting what MAY be wrong. Not is, a doctor needs to tell you, a diagnosis. If you do know what words mean then you must also know that when writing or addressing an audience of people whose abilities you don't know you should use the most commonly accepted and known term for what you talk about. Why complicate your message? You're worrying about dying, that's not complex, it's just very sad if it happens before it's due.
I learnt a lot about depression through my wife as she battled with it for years and I didn't know what it was until she suddenly disappeared and was found, dead. Now I know and it's only recent I'm trying to remember all she said about it as she was doing OK and then.... I don't know what happened.
I'm not criticising you in any way, just trying to give you some thoughts to ponder. Of course your age has a lot to do with your thoughts as you haven't experienced that much as yet so much of life is uncertain and unknown. You can't buy experience, but you can listen and read to people who've been there and done that. I remember knowing everything when I was much younger too. Well, I was way wrong as I still don't really know much at all. Everything that happens is often new and I don't know what to do in such a new situation. Like right now, I'm just lost and miserable and struggling so bad I can't sleep, don't eat and am bone weary.
You say you're looking for a philosophy that works for you. May I ask why? Is it because so many seem to know what theirs is and seem certain of it? I can tell you that most peope are faking it with their belief sets and way of life. It only takes one event and their faith, certainty etc is shattered and gone. You have a philosophy of "enjoy it while it lasts". That is the best there is. There doesn't have to be anything deep and meaningful in life. Just enjoying what you can, when you can is hard enough. To impose meaning over and above just living is really assuming you have a specific purpose or even that there is a God who predetermined your role in life. None of that is real or true. It's just what so many believe as they do not have a grip on their own truth. They give their minds to the unknown trusting "it" will care for and guide them.
That really isn't a way to live today, it was thousands of years ago when humans knew next to nothing. Today we know so much and people still deny it and try to pretend some God created everything and will help us when we need it. Not so, it's us and experts in relevant fields, such as doctors and specialists right now for you. And me. Don't keep searching for a philosophy thatis "meaningful". You will know what it is when you are ready for it and right now what you have is as good as life philosophy gets. Searching for such will surely lead to you settling for something cos it sounds OK rather than fits like a glove.
Hope you get good results, and soon.