Hi, Saw a doctor today and he thought I was suffering mainly severe grief but shock is in there too. My world just disintegrated from when she disappeared, and worse when she was found, gone. They have told me she was on a mountain road and went through the safety barriers and down a deep incline. Which is why it took time to find her. She was apparenly drunk they said. But they don't know anything but these things so far. At this time it doesn't really matter how it happened. What matters is she's gone and not coming back. I've had a bit of alcohol inspired sleep but wake up suddenly and scared. Sometimes sweating and it isn't hot.
I told the doctor I just wanted something for sleep right now and he talked about it for a while. I said I needed sleep to allow me to cope better and he agreed. But he warned it could get worse and if so not to hesitate. As if I could. He offered Stilnox and I said No way as I've heard to much bad about that. He wrote a prescription for something else I'd never heard of as a sleeping tablet. I didn't want valium either, apparently can be addictive.
So I'll get these tablets and read up on it and probably try it out tonight. God I hope it just knocks me out. Give me sleep, stop these darned thoughts and loneliness. I can't stand the thought of feeling this for a long time. My wife did, with dignity and grace. How do people do that? I feel like screaming and shouting and am getting angry too.