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patrick lawson
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/10/2011 7:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Made a lot of mistakes in my marriage and its over. I am dealing with that but the wife and I are co-habitating until the end of our lease. Now look I will be frank here I am at total fault on this but after 3 weeks my wife already has a boyfriend. I have a total lack of ethical standards and have been doing a lot of research on the subject. I am sociopath. I cheated on my wife numerous times and treated her like crap but now i can not deal with losing her. i have manipulated so many people in my life. I do not know if I can be fixed, how do I start. I want her to be happy on one side but I want to destroy what she has just so I can feel better on the other. I have 4 kids with 2 different wives. I am a good father and share a lot of time with them. I hold a good job and have a decent career and attend college on a full time basis at the same time. I can not control my sexual urges and always seek something "better" including escorts. I am a mess. Share some thoughts with me please.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 9/10/2011 9:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Patrick Lawson,

Welcome to the depression forum. I noticed one sentence that struck me. You said: "I want her to be happy on one side, but I want to destroy what she has just so I can feel better on the other." How does destroying what she has make you feel better? I have honestly never understood people who are like that. Or why. How can a person get pleasure out of another person's pain? And to be manipulative. I don't understand why people have to manipulate situations for their own gain. In fact I stay far away from people like that to be completely honest. Have you been diagnosed as a sociopath? Or is that a self diagnosis?

I don't blame your wife for wanting out of this marriage. Especially if you are admittingly cheating on her. It realy hurts bad when you find out your man is cheating. It is tragic to a woman. You feel degraded, unloved and disrespected. All at once. And it does break the womans heart. But then she gets angry, so watch out.

I guess with your wife leaving you will have plenty of time to spend with all of your kids. Don't ever hurt them, your wife is an adult. Children don't understand. They are innocent in this situation. In fact if you start putting your children (family) first instead of your own needs, you will be truly a much happier man.

Have you thought about talking to a counselor or another professional about your problems. I am going to let you own them as you have caused them. I think professional help would be a good resource at this point. Maybe you can learn to change the way that you think aobut things. Maybe if there is another woman in your life in the future, you wont do this to her.

I don't mean to make you sound like a bad guy, but you got to admit, you kind of are. I hope that you can rectify this situation, but by the sound of it, your wife must be pretty fed up at this point.

We do learn from our mistakes. I hope that you are learning now. We make them. We own them. And we learn from them. Hopefully you are young enough to start over again with somebody that you love again. And play fair this time.

I hope that your wife never sees yoour post, as you said that you had urgers that always seek something "better" including escorts. It makes it sound like your wife isnt' good enough. I don't think you meant it that way. But it sounds kind of crude if you ask me. But maybe you did mean it. I don't know.

I dont mean to tell you you are a bad guy. But by the sounds of it. If I had a husband like the way you treat your wife, I would have left long ago. I imagine she is very hurt right now. And you are probably feeling bad about it. I am sorry I don't have much advice. But I think if in the future you want a relationship with another woman, you need to get some professional help to make it a true relationship. Give and take on both ends and meeting in the middle. And a friendship along with that too.

I hope that things work out for you. I hope that you two can get along until the end of your lease. I am sorry that she already has a boyfriend. I know it sounds quick, but while you were out with so and so. She developed a relationship with somebody else. I guess you can't get too angry about that after what you have put her through. I know that you want her back. But that doesn't sound like it is going to happen. I hope that things do work out for you. I hope that you get some professional guidance so that you can live a normal life. Without trying to manipulate others. Just live. Live and let live is the answer.

Keep posting, but don't be surprised if you don't get some people who are going to call it for what it is.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
 
PS  I feel like this is the harshest post that I have ever made, but I had to be honest.  I don't think you would have wanted it anyother way.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

evangelina88
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 9/10/2011 9:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Infidelity is a pilgrimage to nothingness and thermonuclear disaster for marriage. You were seeking cheap thrills for a need that will never be sated...like drinking seawater to quench thirst. Maybe you feel miserable and empty on the inside and you want your wife to feel the same because you know she has a shot at happiness. I think you are experiencing emotional disonance....in part due to the schizophrenic messages we receive from society. Messages that include get married, be faithful, have a family....then everywhere you turn there is sexually provocative stimuli that triggers a base response in the human brain. But we are humans, albeit animals, we have the capacity to engage the cognitive override when we know something isnt right. Maybe you just shouldnt be married. And maybe that's okay. Look at George Clooney. He's a playboy...but he's up front about it. Counseling seems like a good idea. There may be an addiction or compulsion you need to address. Plus, I think it's important to keep in mind that much sexual stimili stems from the objectification/commodification of women...and do you ask yourself if that's what you would want for your daughters?

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 9/10/2011 10:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Can you be "fixed". The answer to that is yes.
The real question is do you really and truly want to learn how to control and correct your destructive behaviors and are you willing to do whatever it takes to do so. If the answer to that is yes then you have a good chance.

Your first step is to seek out professional help. I really think you should seek out a counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist that specializes in sex addictions because to me this sounds like what you have. If you can't find one then someone who specializes in addictions would probably be your 2nd best option and general counseling if all else fails.

Be prepared for a long haul and a bumpy ride. It may very well feel like you are taking two steps forward and one step back but if you honestly try and stick with the program you will succeed.

As far as your wife/ex-wife goes you really need to man up and let her go. You had your chance and by your own words you burned that bridge and doing anything to sabotage her current or future relationships is going to add insult to the injuries you have already done. As hard as it may be you need to be civil both to her and her new boyfriend. You also need to be careful not to use your children as any kind of "weapon" against her. I can tell you right now that will backfire on you and you will end up driving your kids away from you. It may not happen right away, but as they get older they will put it all together and they will resent you for it.

My oldest son's mother tried that starting when he was about 4 or 5. By the time he was in his early teens he didn't want anything more to do with her. He is now 21 and he has only briefly spoken to his Mother once or twice in the past 3 or 4 years. I really hate it, but there is not much I can do about it as she did it to herself.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 9/11/2011 9:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Have you been professionally diagnosed as a psychopath? If so, you know
what to expect.

It's Genetic

patrick lawson
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/11/2011 10:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for writing back to me. As humbling as it was to read some of them I needed to hear it. I am seeking professional help starting next week. You all are right about the wife and I need to let it go. I will go forward from here with good intentions and hopefully I will be able to get better. I like evangelina88's comment about George Clooney, your right I may not be programmed to be married. I just have to find out who I am, what makes me tick. It may be a long journey to find ou,t but if I do not seek the help to get the answers, I think the journey would be cut short. Once again thanks to you all

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 9/11/2011 10:41 AM (GMT -6)   
I wish you well. You can't go wrong by trying to help yourself. You are honest and that is a good start. I admire that quality. You were honest here anyway. Some people are just not meant to be in a one on one relationship. But you might find a woman that is the fit for you with what you like. They do exist. It can be tricky though. No emotions can be involved.

I hope that you do find help. Do let us know how it goes.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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