How Do You Deal With Birthdays

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 9/10/2011 9:52 PM (GMT -6)   

My birthday is coming up in a little over a week and I am so anxious about it. Firstly, this is the 9th birthday in a row that I have no friends to invite to a birthday party. It pains me to know that aside from my family, no one gives a crap that it is my birthday or that I was even born. I'm Facebook friends and have exchanged numbers with classmates and co-workers and none of them even take the time to leave me a message on my Facebook or text me and wish me a happy birthday, even though I see some of them on a daily basis and they were ONLINE on that day and could see that it was my birthday. I even told three people on three seperate occasions that it was my birthday the day before (when they asked me at school/work what I did yesterday) and I basically got something like "oh, ok" or they'd change the subject. They didn't even wish me a happy birthday to my face!

I really am dreading whathappens every year. Shortly before my birthday, it hits me that "here comes another birthday and you have no friends to celebrate with." I see everybody going out with friends to clubs for their birthdays, while I have no one to do that with. I become severely depressed on my birthday and totally miserable and all I want is for the day to be over.

Last year, I hit an all-time low in that I spent the night before unable to sleep and in this state of panic that my birthday is the next day and I have no friends to celebrate with. I was in a complete and utter panic the whole day of my birthday. My hands were shaking, my heart was beating out of my chest, I felt like I had a huge weight on my chest all day and couldn't breathe. At dinner with my family, I ate a couple bites of food and ended up running outside to vomit in the bushes. This continued all the night because the anxiety just built up to the point that I couldn't talk or eat without instantly vomiting.

For a whole month after, I was out of college because I was in a major depression and spent 95% of the time in bed in a trancelike state. I'm still not over this and any reminders of anything to do with birthdays automatically makes me extrememly depressed to the point that I cannot function.

Also, my birthday is also a sign that here I am, another year older, and I am still unable to manage my depression and anxiety, still struggling to get and undergraduate degree and have no prospect of landing a decent job because of my illness and my crappy education record.

My birthday just makes me feel so alone and depressed that it is hard to recover from. I have been dreading it all year and I don't know how to handle it or what to do exactly so it isn't the terrible experience it is every year.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42206
   Posted 9/10/2011 10:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Treat it just like it was just another day. I don't even celebrate my birthday, but I am getting up there and I don't want to have them anymore. I never really did celebrate anyway. Just go with the flow of life. Make it just another day. There are a lot of people who don't celebrate their birthdays. By the way, happy birthday.

On facebook, I didn't know where to look to see who's birthday it was. Everybody would wish me happy birthday, but I never wished them one because I didn't know where it was posted. How rude was that?

Try not to make a big deal out of it. And if anything does happen it will be a nice surprise. And when you get my age, you wont want them anymore either. lol...

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4034
   Posted 9/10/2011 10:26 PM (GMT -6)   
What part of the world do you live in? I would gladly go out with you on your b-day, but I'm sure we probably don't live close. I live in Indiana...

I can relate though. I only have two real friends and they live far away so I rarely see them. I had a couple birthdays where I sat in my apartment alone. My dad sent me a cake but I had no one to share it with. It was quite depressing.

What day is your birthday?
27 years old; diagnosed March 2007

Asacol, 6 tabs, 2xday; Rowasa every other night; Ortho Tri-Cyclen; Wellbutrin started 8/4

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 9/10/2011 10:48 PM (GMT -6)   
To some people birthdays are a big special event, to others they are just another day on the calendar especially one they get past a certain age, like 21 for example. In fact my 21st birthday was the last one I really celebrated and I am 42 now, soon to be 43. Any more birthdays mean so little to me that I even have a hard time trying to remember that they mean a lot to other people. The only person who I make easily make a big deal over is my youngest son who will be turning 6 in a week.

Maybe what you can do is make a post on your Facebook about "events"/dates you love like birthdays, Christmas, etc. Maybe that will give people a subtle hint how you feel about them and that will let them know it is important to you and not just another day of the week.

I hope this year you do find some joy on your birthday.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
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