Coping, naturally

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/13/2011 10:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello to anyone whose reading this. This is my first time on the forum and I'm looking for a little input, advice, anything.
I'm a female in my early 20s that is feeling pretty low right now. Although I have a fulfilling and active job as a daycare teacher, my bills are paid, and I'm in a longterm relationship that is very supportive, I'm suffering severe depression and I'm ready to try anything, natural medicines or whatever, to feel better. Years ago, when I was 18, I started a relationship that was extremely abusive. I was raped many times, and one time he and a friend of his did it. I know it wasn't my fault, but I carry around this feeling of... filth, maybe. I can't look at myself in the mirror.

I went to therapy but years later, I still feel empty. I'm finally in a healthy relationship, I have a good support system, yet I can't seem to get over it or truly move on. I have a lot of anger, and my depression is absolutely all-consuming in my life. I hate being touched by anyone and have no sex drive. I suffer from terrible panic attacks and I have no energy. All I can do after work is lay in bed.

I am afraid to take medication. I have a digestive disorder and everytime I'm on any medication, I seem to drop weight (I'm naturally slim and want to avoid weight loss at all costs). Ideally I would find something natural, or a medicine with few side effects. My boyfriend has suggested I find a support group for victims of sexual abuse but I don't know where to start. I'm not someone who wears their emotions on their sleeve, I don't know if I could reopen details I've closed off. If anyone has suggestions, how you deal with depression, or can even just relate my story... it'd be nice to hear. I feel isolated.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 9/13/2011 11:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there and welcome to the forum, I am so sorry for what you have been through,

I can understand that you doin't want to take ad's, but not all of them cause weight loss, Most cause weight gain,

As far as natural remedies, Iknow of 5htp and st, John's wort, /but I would talk to a doctor before trying them. Maybe a naturopath. I think that would be the best way to go, as far as for taking natural medicines.

I sure do hope that you feel better soon. Know that in time you will most likely have to go over the past to get better. Unless you have already done that, But if not, get counseling to face it and then put it behind you. It sounds like you could be suffereing from ptsd. Yiu would need help with that, as it is no fun.

I hope that you keep posting, Know that there are a lot of caring people here.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 9/14/2011 6:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Dumble, So sorry about that nasty relationship and the abuse you suffered. If only they knew what it actually did to you. Obviously there was no care at all and you are left to pick up the pieces of your life as best you can. From what you have written I have no doubt at all that therapy is by far the best solution for you as you know the cause, what happened and how you reacted to it. It is those freelings you need to deal with and of course it's not simple or easy as our minds are affected by such abuse. We can never forget such and can only deal with it by talking it out and understanding how strong you really are. You have a healthy relationship now so that shoulod give you strength to dig up those fears and horrors with a therapist and talk it through.
Cognitive behaviour Therapy is my preferred therapy these days but firstly you must know what it is you are dealing with and have it all out in the open between you and a therapist. That word, therapist is actually horrible in this context and I hate using it but it's the name of those that do therapy isn't it?
No one wants to take medication for this. I don't b ut I'm prepared to if needed as I will not let it take me over if I can help it. Medication is a hit and miss thing though in trying to find what's right for you. Paragraph 2 of your post says it all really. Panic attacks and depression so anxiet is in there too. Panic attacks can be so dreadful, a true horror.
I haven't had depression as such but am on the verge maybe after losing my wife recently. She though was depressed for many years and eventually controlled her anxiety and depression using Effexor. Nothing else seemed to work other than briefly for her. Of course if it causes other physical problems then it's a very hard decision isn't it? As far as putting on weight goes, medication doesn't do that at all. It stimulates your appetite and causes you to be more sedentary than you were and you choose easy food rather than good food. That's where the weight comes from, what you eat. If your digestion rejects the medication then no, you couldn't gain weight, or lose it unless you persist.
You ask about herbal remedies and so on. There are more than you could count I'm afraid and the evidence is they do not work generally. If they did do you think all the people on this forum would take medication, or most? Of course they wouldn't but they do simply because the alternative market is generally fraudulent and does not work at all. Some will say it helps. I say, so what, does it stop the pain etc? If not why use it?
If you are truly going to deal with this thing you must learn to be open and honest about it. Groups are not essential and many of us would never go to one. Therapists though, you learn to trust them and that's the way through the forest. Don't forget to look up CBT. How I deal with it hasn't been experienced yet, I'm in limbo waiting to start feeling something really, first time for me. I wish my wife was here to answer you. Not sure what she'd say but it would be about accepting what's wrong, deciding to seek help, accepting help and working with the medical people as much as you can. Always do what you agree to and if you need to change, ring the doctor etc first and get advice. Self medication is the way to misery.
One thing I know she always said to people is "The answers are withing you, nobody else." So that's where you look, inside with a therapist. Filth it is so dig it up and throw it away, figuratively.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 9/14/2011 9:53 AM (GMT -6)   
For what it is worth I agree with your boyfriend in that you still need help in dealing with what happened to you. Whether this means a support group or more counseling or both is up to you to discover. If you do see a counselor or therapist try to find one who specializes in rape trauma.

Some good places to start would be to contact a local rape crisis hotline, your local mental health department, an area hospital (either their psychiatric unit or the social services department) or your local health department. Your family doctor may also know of resources in your area and can provide you guidance.

As far as medications go, side effects are a very individual thing. You can take two people, give them the same medication and one person will have no side effects at all and the other person will have everyone listed and then some. While it is good to research any medication and make yourself familiar with its potential side effects the only way to really know how it is going to effect you is to try it. With your history of gastric problems though you need to make sure any doctor you see who might prescribe you medications is fully aware of it and also be sure to discuss your concerns.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
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