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Bigquestion
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 9/15/2011 4:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Dunno if I can do this much longer. It's so lonely and pointless. Stopped going to work, just don't care and couldn't do anything there anyway. I just think about her. She's not coming back, I know. But I want her back. Don't see much in life without her. She was everything to me. Had some sleep but the tablets aren't strong enough to keep me asleep for long. It's like 2 hour patches, disturbed. They do that to torture people but we can do it to ourselves. Can read and write here but can't read in real time. Forget what I'm trying to read before I finish a sentence. No point. Just wanna sleep. How long does this go on for? It's only just started hasn't it? Tip of the iceberg. Don't want to go the distance as I've got no one and nothing.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 9/15/2011 9:11 AM (GMT -6)   
I really wish you would seek out grief counseling. That can help you with this process. When my first husband died in 2000 of lung cancer, I was so fortunate to have somebody to help me. Do you have somebody that you could spend some time with just to visit? I think you are facing this all alone and it is difficult. You have been strong here helping others, but that only takes your mind off of things for a little while. Do check out the grief counseling and allow them to help you. You are trying to do it all alone and you don't need to.

I hope that this helps in some small way. I feel for your loss. I lost my first husband, had to watch him die. But I was able to prepare for it. You weren't. Yours was sudden. And there are many unanswered questions for you. Hard to get closure.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Bigquestion
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 9/15/2011 3:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Karen, But I've truly had it. This feeling is getting worse and worse and I feel like screaming. I've tried helping others here but the reality of that is barely any of them even bother to reply or probably read what I write. There's been 21 people read my post here and you are the only one to reply. Basically they don't care about anyone but themselves and that is how life is too in the real world. Once you lose your hold on it, then it's gone and can only be survival from there on. I've been trying so hard to remember all she went through and how she got through it. She worked so hard. I was told a couple of days back the likelihood is she deliberately drove off that road. I don't want to be here without her. End of story. Thanks for helping.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 9/15/2011 4:10 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry for this loss you have suffered. Sometimes I think people are afraid of saying the wrong thing or not knowing the right thing to say, so they say nothing at all. When all we want to know is that somebody is listening. Even if they just write a couple of words. I truly think that you would benefit from grief counseling, it doesn't have to be a group. It seems to me you said you had a therapist. Do they know what you are going through right now? Have you seen them since you have found out what happened to your wife? I think that they will want to see you on a more frequent basis. You need support and guidance right now. Do you have any close family members or some friends that you could talk to? You are carrying a heavy burden right now and I really feel that you need some help with this.

To me you seem really strong. Coming here and sharing is a big thing. It isn't easy to reach out when we are in need. You give good advice to on the forum. You take the time to read and give good lengthy posts with a lot of information. And with what you are going through, I know that it isn't easy. Keep hanging in there, try to keep your chin up. I know it isn't easy. Be gentle with yourself. But do talk to somebody. The sooner you do that, the sooner you will get some relief.

Take care Bigquestion,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 9/15/2011 6:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Sometimes it is as Karen says, people don't know what to say or are afraid of saying the wrong things. Sometimes to the see what some one else has responded with and find that comment/advice so good they feel like they can't add anything to it all, and then other times they see the same basic post from someone to whom they have responded before and they have nothing new to add. The final reason you may see a lot of looks but few responses is that someone may be going through the same basic thing and are just looking for answers them self.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 9/15/2011 7:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bigquestion,

I am sorry you feel so bad. I also recommend that you see a counselor. If at all possible reach out to someone close. Even if the person just listens. One of my friends called to talk to me at a very low point. I couldn't. Say to much because I was in the midst of a crying spell. She talked and I listened. It got me through that moment.

Continue to post here and know that there are people that really do care. Some post and some don't but I get a sense of compassion and care from this group. Also, depending upon the state of mind, we may not be capable of responding at the time. I frequently grieve for the poster because I can relate or sympathize with their experience.

You are in my thoughts and I am quite concerned about you.

livenlaugh
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 387
   Posted 9/15/2011 7:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bigquestion,
I was one of the people reading your post last night. I am truly sorry that I did not respond. I did not do it because I did not care but because I did not know how to help you. I have never felt that tremendous loss that you are going through now. I know now that kind words or just knowing that someone cares or is listening is so important.
Please listen to all of these wise and wonderful people. You need help to find your way out of this darkness. Is this what your wife would want for you? Please try to seek someone out and if you don't know how to do this, ask your dr.
Please take care of yourself and write often, I am thinking of you and hope that you find some peace.
Lisa

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 9/15/2011 11:30 PM (GMT -6)   
here for ya. with much healing compassion, jamie.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 9/16/2011 6:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Bigquestion,

I have only read your posts at the moment, sometimes when people have looked at a thread and not responded, it is non members that haven't signed onto the website, therefore they can't respond.

Firstly, I am truely and deeply sorry for your loss, it is a loss I understand all too well, as three generations of family have gone this way.

I too go through the extreme loney stage you have discribed, I have no family, no children, no partner, apart from my few friends, I truely are alone. It is an extremely ugly place to be in, and as soon as I am aware that I am heading into that downward spiral I fight like heck to not go there, it is a dangerous place for me to visit.

But, you are already there, I can clearly see that. When I am in that place, I try to think of things that I have accomplished, and I remind myself that had I given up the last time I was in the ugly place, then I would not have been able to experience my last trip, or helping someone, or the birth of a friends baby. And then I begin to fight with everything in me, I am firm, and I tell myself off for entertaining the idea of giving up, I don't have that as an option, what would I be missing out on if I go through with it? And when I say fight, I mean fight, it is really hard coming back from that ugly place.

Part of my process is planning, I always have a plan, either big or small things in advance, and these are the things I will be missing out on if I give up now, these will be the experiences I will miss out on if I don't start clawing my way out of the ugly place.

So please start to fight, you have sat with the grief for awhile now, don't sit too long in there, you can always go back there at a later date, but right now, it's not the best place for you to be.

I do not often write in such detail, and then leave my complete post there for others to read, but in this case I will, I have seen your responses to other people, they have been thoughtful, generous and helpful, and you deserve the same in return.

Please let us know how you are feeling today, I am worried, as I know where you are, it's not a good place to be. If you don't want to talk, but want us to know you are ok, can you just leave us a dot, like this . this will confirm you are ok, and will be the best little dot I have seen for a long time.

Take care bigquestion, begin to fight now

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 9/16/2011 8:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Awty brings up a good point about "inflated" post view counts. Not only do you get non members who are just browsing but you also get "Web Bots" who view posts keying in on certain words and phrases.

Some of these bots are from search engines to keep things current and other times they are from spammers looking for places to ply their BS.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 9/19/2011 8:35 AM (GMT -6)   
WOW Bigquestion

I feel like a selfish b@@@@ after reading your post. I am very sorry for your loss-it must feel unbearable right now.

Is there some way to honor your wife that would bring relief? Something to work at that will tell everyone what a wonderful life you had-a memorial garden, an aide/scholarship fund? Even a scrapbook...I am doing one for my daughter...each page has photos and I write my memories there too...I laugh and cry...my hub is terminal so I'm starting now...their lives live on in our memories, try to concentrate on her life and not her death(I know, I get stuck on my daughter walking down the aisle w/o Dad) but I remember lots of giggles too.

I pray that God will give you the strength to LIVE, not just exist. God Bless

Maggie

Sara14
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4180
   Posted 9/20/2011 8:00 PM (GMT -6)   
How are you doing today?
27 years old; diagnosed March 2007

Asacol, 6 tabs, 2xday; Rowasa every other night; Ortho Tri-Cyclen; Wellbutrin started 8/4

highnlow
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 9/20/2011 11:23 PM (GMT -6)   
So very sorry for your loss. I know that when my first husband left me the loss was devastating to me and a local divorced and widowed group brought me back to the land of the living. I pray that you are able to find your way back with all the wonderful suggestions here. I have not suffered your loss, but know that I truly do care and will be coming back to see how you are doing. I am usually on the bipolar forum. God Bless!!!
Linda

450 mg Lithium
1,000 mg Depakote
.25 mg Xanax + additional as needed

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 9/22/2011 7:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Chansull has a point....has anyone heard from bigquestion? Re-reading his last post worries me.
Please dear sweet Jesus, watch over yur lamb, bigquestion

Maggie

bambola2nv
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 763
   Posted 9/22/2011 9:54 AM (GMT -6)   
This is sad!! Wish i read his post sooner. I havent been on in a long time. Is there anyway admin can get a hold of him?
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