Really need someone to talk to right now, but I don't have anyone here. My family is completely unsupportive and don't care about me, and my therapist is out of town.
My father doesn't give a darn about me and is using me for his own purposes. I am essentially his slave. Started an alpaca farm several years ago, and he spent money that my grandfather had left to me to buy most of his herd. He use his position as my father to manipulate me into using my money. And I'm furious now that he did this to me, since it means I have no means to be able to escape him. And he sabotages my every effort to pursue what I want. I'm trying to finish college, which has been delayed by the stupid farm and having to take care of my father, and every time I make plans to become more proactive about finishing my degree, he sabotages me. I want to take a full course load next semester, but he's like "Oh but we have to do x, and y, and w, and don't you really want to do z? And there are shows we have to go to, too." I am his slave and he won't let me escape!
And I can't move out! I have no money, and I have some unknown rheumatologic condition which means I can't get a job since I never know how I'll feel on a given day. I could feel great, or I could be in so much pain I can't get out of bed. And I have animals here that I love that I cannot leave behind. I have 3 parrots and 2 ponies. Would be relatively easy to take the parrots with me, but not the ponies. They're both older and have health problems which means I really can't transport them.
I have a younger sister, but she's also completely unsupportive and a big part of the problem too. My mother was a complete waste of space, and hopefully she's dead. And my 2 friends are really busy right now and I don't want to bother them. And my therapist is on vacation, and I want to respect her need to take a break from work.
I do get depressed sometimes, but its because I'm so angry I can't escape my current situation. Basically an intensification of the anger I feel at being trapped and the hatred I feel towards my father and sister. And I have my first big exam this coming week, but I'm too angry to concentrate to study for it. And dissociating through watching tv or spending time on the computer isn't helpful. I just need someone to talk to, who cares about me.